


El Discord the Las Noches

by Bitshu, JKRobertson



Category: Bleach
Genre: Bleach - Freeform, Bleach Parody, Comedy, Daddy Aizen, Discord - Freeform, Discord Parody, Discord server, Discord: Bleach, Gen, Hueco Mundo, Humor, Las Noches, Parody, Shitpost in story form, Ulquihime if you squint, grimmichi if you squint, grimmjow as a bottom, memeing, ulquihime, ulquihime with your eyes wide open apparently
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2020-12-31 01:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 53,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21039374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bitshu/pseuds/Bitshu, https://archiveofourown.org/users/JKRobertson/pseuds/JKRobertson
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if Aizen set up a Discord server for the netizens of Las Noches?  So did we.Bitshu: now I unironically want a yammy fan ficJKR: we should write one, and base it in a discord setting, like, the Hueco Mundo serverAnd there you have it.  The Hueco Mundo Discord Server Parody Fic you never asked for. Enjoy!





	1. Day One

**DAY ONE**

Ichimaru had told Aizen about the platform. It would be perfect. Pesquisa could be so hard to decipher; when too many arrancar tried chatting at once it because a mumbled wall of voices. Ichimaru heard about Discord from Urahara, in the World of the Living. It would be perfect. It had a built-in, top-down hierarchy structure. It could be used for business, informational, and social purposes. 

Aizen watched Gin play around on his favorite servers. The former fifth-division captain was impressed by his subordinate’s varied interests. He was a moderator on a persimmon enthusiast server and an active member of the Soul Society Snake Lover server. Aizen saw how these servers were set up and how the members interacted, and decided what he wanted his server to look like. Fun. Irreverent. Something that made him appear hip and cool. He’d name Gin, Tosen, and his favorite lapdog, Ulquiorra, as moderators. He sent out invitation links to all the relevant arrancar and their now-permanent human guest, Orihime Inoue.

And thus, the Las(t) Night(s) Discord Server was born. The server’s description read, “You know me, you love me, now come chat with me! Xoxo - Daddy Aizen”

**ONLINE:**

**Lord -1**

Daddy Aizen

**Mod Squad -3**

Tosen

SilverFoxxx

Ulquiorra Cifer

_ Welcome, _ ** _Orihime_ ** _ . We hope you brought pizza.10/14/2019 _

**Princesa -1**

Orihime

_ #General Nights (For day or night, really) _

**Orihime** today at 11:14

Hello! Thanks for inviting me! I didn’t bring pizza, though… :|

**Ulquiorra Cifer **today at 11:14

Welcome, Woman. Please read the rules. 

**Orihime** today at 11:14

Ok! 

**SilverFoxx **today at 11:15

There’s no need to be so formal, Ulquiorra. It’s just a discord server. Hi Hime-chan! <3 It’s me, Gin. Glad you’re here!!!

**Orihime **today at 11:15

Oh! Thank you, Ichimaru-san! It’s nice to be here :)

** _Grimm-chan_ ** _ just showed up. Hold my beer. 10/14/19 _

**Espada -1**

Grimm-chan

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:15

OwO Didn’t knew there was a discord server

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 11:15

It’s new, Trash. Read the rules

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:15

Why are you so mean? Is not like I am your princess UwU

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 11:15

I have no fraccion, sexta. I have no princess. I don’t know what you are trying to imply.

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:15

Isn’t your princess here too? Hi hime-chan OmO

**Orihime** today at 11:15

I read the rules, Ulquiorra! 

OH! HI GRIMMJOW! XD did you get here while I was reading the rules?

You have a princess, Ulquiorra?

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:15

Yeah, Aizen-sama invited me.

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 11:16

Watch what you write, Trash. I’m a moderator. I will not hesitate to kick you.

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:16

You are soooo mean, ulqy bulgy. Maybe if I act like her you will like me more

_ Cheers, love! _ ** _YummyYammy_ ** _ is here _ ** _!_ ** _ 10/14/19 _

**Espada -2**

Grimm-chan

YummyYammy

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 11:16

Welcome, @YummyYammy. Please read the rules.

Stop vague-posting, Grimmjow. It’s not amusing.

**YummyYammy **today at 11:16

Hi m8 what’s cracking in here?

**Orihime** today at 11:17

Hi Yammy!!! I haven’t seen you in a long time. How are you?

**YummyYammy **today at 11:17

Hi lass, I’m doing good, thanks for asking xx

**Orihime** today at 11:17

Aww *^_^* You’re welcome!

**Ulquiorra Cifer **today at 11:17

Do not harass the woman.

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:17

Getting jealous? Ulqy Bulgy UmU

**Ulquiorra Cifer **today at 11:17

Check your roles, @Orihime and @Grimm-chan

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:17 

Your so mean, there is no need for calling me trash ;_;

**Orihime** today at 11:18

Woman? I guess it’s accurate. Oh, who gave me these roles?

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 11:18

You are trash, sexta. There is a need for accuracy.

I gave you the Woman role. Lord Aizen gave you the Princesa role.

**YummyYammy **today at 11:18

Oi M8, why did grimmjaw got trash? He ain’t doin anythin wrong

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 11:18

_ Sigh _. It is merely a description. Do not question my authority.

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:18

Ulquiorra-chan got jealous of my talking to his girlfriend -__-

**YummyYammy **today at 11:19

Now I see mate, but since when he got a lass to accompany him? He is always alone in his room

**_NellyBelly_**_ joined your party._ _10/14/19_

**Espada -3**

Grimm-chan

NellyBelly

YummyYammy

**Orihime** today at 11:19

Hi @NellyBelly!!! :D Please read the rules!!

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 11:19

Well done, Woman.

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:19

They already do things like a couple… cute OmO

**NellyBelly **today at 11:19

Hi Hime-chan! Hi Ulqui! Hi Gwimmy! Hi Yammy! Hi Daddy Aizen! Hi EVERYBODY! 

What does omo mean, Gwimmy? Are you speaking in gibberish again?

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:19

Gibberish? Pfff OmO is a cute face, not gibberish UwU

**NellyBelly** today at 11:20

Okay…. OmO is cute, what’s UwU?

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:20

UwU is also cute

**NellyBelly** today at 11:20

Do you know any ugly faces?

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 11:20

Yeah, he sees one every time he looks in the mirror.

**SilverFoxxx** today at 11:20

Ouch. Well played, Ulq.

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 11:20

Thank you, Ichimaru-sama.

** _choose your nickname_ ** _ hopped into the server. Kangaroo! 10/14/19 _

**choose your nickname **today at 11:21

What’s this? Siri, what’s a discord?

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:21

The old man arrived UwU I think he is having troubles with this

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 11:21

Hello, who are you?

**choose your nickname **today at 11:21

Who am I? I am Barragan the espada. 

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 11:21

My apologies. I’ll give you your role. Please read the rules

  


**Espada -4**

choose your nickname

Grimm-chan

NellyBelly

YummyYammy

**choose your nickname **today at 11:21

Rules? Which rules? I thought this was to talk with people like

Aizen sama said.

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:22

Nell, this is an ugly face *Ulquiorra_png* ヽ(:3ﾉ ヽ)ﾉ

**Orihime **today at 11:22

Grimm! That’s not nice. That’s not an ugly face that’s Ulquiorra.

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:22

What’s the difference? Kek.

**Orihime **today at 11:22

Stop it. Neither of you are ugly.

**NellyBelly **today at 11:22

0.0

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:22

Your princess is defending you (ﾟωﾟ;)

**Orihime **today at 11:22

I’m defending both of you. 

**NellyBelly **today at 11:22

Is she admitting it?

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:22

Awww, they are a couple now (´ｖ｀)

**YummyYammy **today at 11:23

Congrats lass, didn’t knew you were into that type of guy. My mate Ulquiorra will treat you well xx

**choose your nickname **today at 11:23

Wait, what just happened?

**Daddy Aizen** today at 11:23

Ooooh, what’s this tea? Delicious. Also, welcome to club Boomer, Barry.

**choose your nickname **today at 11:23

Tea? Is tea time already? I thought it was only 11 but my clock must be wrong.

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 11:24

There is no tea. Grimmjow is fabricating scenarios again. <blushing cowboy>

**NellyBelly** today at 11:24

Aww, he’s being shy. @Boomer, Tea in this case is slang for gossip. So yes, it is “tea time” Ulqui and Hime, sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G

**choose your nickname **today at 11:24

Why that message is on orange? Did somethin bad happen to my computer?

**Ulquiorra Cifer **today at 11:24

No, your computer is fine, that color simply indicates that someone has directed a message to your attention by mentioning your nickname or role. For example, if I @Woman, Orihime’s screen will have that orange highlight. If I @Espada, all of you, myself included, but excepting Orihime, will experience the same. Do you understand?

**choose your nickname **today at 11:24

I see, thanks for explaining, Ulquiorra boy. So what’s the tea you’re talking about? My favorite is the mint flavor

**Ulquiorra Cifer **today at 11:24

Uh… I like Earl Grey.

**NellyBelly **today at 11:24

Tea is gross. I like lemonade.

**Tosen **today at 11:24

Take it to _ #Tea_ _ _ Connoisseurs _, please.

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:24

But I’m not allowed there ;__;

** _Aizen’s Queen_ ** _ is here to kick butt and chew bubblegum. And _ ** _Aizen’s Queen_ ** _ is all out of gum.10/14/19 _

_ It's a bird! It's a plane! Nevermind, it's just _ ** _Menoly. _ ** _ 10/14/19 _

**Numeros -2**

Aizen’s Queen

Menoly

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 11:24

Hi Loly, Menoly. Read the rules

**Aizen’s Queen **today at 11:24

How did you know it was me?

**Ulquiorra Cifer **today at 11:24

Educated guess. Behave, everyone. I need to go on my rounds. 

**Grimm-chan **today at 11:24

He is going to kissu kissu, with his princess (￣▼￣)

**choose your nickname **today at 11:25

Is Aizen married too? Time passes so fast. I’m hurt that nobody invited me to the wedding, but I understand it, I’m too old to be in parties like that.

**YummyYammy **today at 11:25

Oh m8, congratulations @Daddy Aizen never thought it will be with her.

**Daddy Aizen** today at 11:25

That didn’t happen, lmao

**Aizen’s Queen **today at 11:25

But you want it to, right? Don’t you think so, @Menoly?

**Menoly** today at 11:25

Uh… yeah?

_ Daddy Aizen disconnected _

**Tosen **today at 11:26

Everyone log off and report to the dome immediately.

**Grimm-chan** today at 11:26

But I wanted to stay more!!!! Right @ulquiorra cifer?

_ Ulquiorra Cifer disconnected _

**Grimm-chan** today at 11:26

Meanie༼☯﹏☯༽

_ Grimm-chan disconnected _

_ choose your name disconnected _

**NellyBelly **today at 11:26

Awww, I wanted to stay more.

**SilverFoxxx **today at 11:26

You can come back after the meeting

**NellyBelly **today at 11:26

Okay!!

_ NellyBelly disconnected _

_ Silverfoxxx disconnected _

_ Orihime disconnected _

_ Aizen’s Queen disconnected _

_ Menoly disconnected _

_ Tossen disconnected _

_ Yummy Yammy disconnected _

EdgyBastard5 **has joined the battle bus. 10/14/19**

**EdgyBastard5** today at 11:29

What’s up fuckers? I have come to ruin the fun

**Roses are red, violets are blue,** Dordoni **joined this server with you. 10/14/19**

**Dordoni **today at 11:29

Muy buenos días, compañeros y compañeras, acá Dordoni el legendario ha llegado a este servidor de discord para bendecir vuestras vidas.

**EdgyBastard5** today at 11:29

Can you speak english? Dumb ass

**Dordoni **today at 11:29

Por supuesto que puedo hablar inglés mi compañero de tertulias del cual desconosco su nombre. Pero es una larga historia del porque no hablo. Veras, hace mucho tiempo iba caminando por el mundo de los vivos y me encontré con un tipo que hablaba inglés de puta madre, veas como hablaba el chaval, sonaba como un rapero a lo Eminem.

**EdgyBastard5** today at 11:30

What are you even talking about? Like seriously what the fuck?

**Dordoni **today at 11:30

Y bueno, ese chaval que hablaba a lo eminem terminó pegandomé una apuñalada en el torax por lo que necesité atención médica inmediata, por suerte hubo una dulce abuelita que me recogió y llamó a la ambulancia. Desde ese día juré no hablar inglés jamás en la vida debido al hijo de puta del Eminem.

**EdgyBastard5** today at 11:30

Can you just shut up? Holy shit.

**Dordoni **today at 11:32

Bueno hablando de callarse, allá en el mundo de los vivos había una persona muy interesante con la que solía hablar un puto montón de tiempo y era bastante cojonudo hablar con ella, estaba seguro de que un día nos íbamos a enamorar y formar una linda familia juntos, pero ella un día me dijo que iba a comprar unos cigarros a la tienda y nunca volvió. ¿De qué hablabamos? Chaval.

_ EdgyBastard5 disconnected _

**Dordoni **today at 11:32

Ya que no queda nadie me voy, a lo mejor todos vosotros están en una reunión y no me dijeron.

_ Dordoni disconnected _

  



	2. DAY TWO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Below is Grimmjow's profile picture.

**DAY TWO**

Tosen could not tolerate the disorder of the server. The meeting in the dome had included a PowerPoint presentation that Gin prepared, explaining the features and the roles and then he and Tosen did a demonstration of how voice chat worked.

Minds were blown.

That evening, most of the residents of Las Noches joined the server. Only a few hold-outs remained. Several of those who hopped on that evening stayed on until the wee hours of the morning, after the Mods had gone to bed.

The message purging the next morning was intense, but after that it was business as usual.

**Mod Squad-1**

Tosen

**Tosen ** today at 14:12

Hope everyone understood the presentation yesterday

Don’t repeat yesterday’s actions.

**Espadas-4**

choose your nickname

Grimm-chan

NellyBelly

YummyYammy

**NellyBelly ** today at 14:12

Okay captain!!!!!!

**Grimm-chan ** today at 14:12

Okay… -___- I will try but it isn’t a promise OwO

**UlquiorraCifer** today at 14:12

Don’t even try to do it.

**Grimm-chan ** today at 14:12

!!!!!!!! *metal gear noise* Ulqy you scared me （／_＼） Why are you

Offline? 

**UlquiorraCifer ** today at 14:13

I wanted to not be here today, but seeing you continue to be as stupid as always I had to enter the conversation.

**choose your nickname ** today at 14:13

Did Ulquiorra leave the server? I thought Aizen ordered us to stay here.

**UlquiorraCifer ** today at 14:13

I’m still here, Barrigan… I’m just offline.

**choose your nickname ** today at 14:13

But your name doesn’t appear on the side like Tosen said. @Tosen

Did my laptop break? 

**Grimm-chan ** today at 14:13

Kek ≧ω≦

**Tosen ** today at 14:13

Barragan, it didn’t break. We went over this in the presentation, he is just faking being online.

**choose your nickname ** today at 14:14

So is my laptop good?

**UlquiorraCifer** today at 14:14

I’ll just leave…

** _UlquiorraCifer disconnected_ **

_ Red Rover, Red Rover,  _ ** _Zommari _ ** _ came over! 10/15/19 _

**Espadas-4**

choose your nickname

Grimm-chan

NellyBelly

YummyYammy

Zommari

  
  


**Grimm-chan ** today at 14:14

≧ω≦ Barry-san good job!!! You made Ulqy bulgy quit.

**Zommari ** today at 14:14

Anybody wanna go to vc?

**Grimm-chan ** today at 14:14

I’ll join zoomy-chwan (⌬̀⌄⌬́)

**Zommari ** today at 14:14

Why do you act like such a fucking weeb?

**NellyBelly ** today at 14:14

Did nobody told him?

**Grimm-chan ** today at 14:14

What do you mean??? Zoomy-chan I always act like this (。ヘ°)

In  ** _#Tea-_ ** ** _Connoisseurs_ **

**NellyBelly** today at 14:14

@Zommari we don’t talk about Grimmjow’s personality change in front of him. If you want to not talk to him just use this chat.

**Zommari** today at 14:15

Okay… I’ll just ignore the fucking weirdo.

Back in  ** _#General-Nights_ **

**Grimm-chan ** today at 14:15

@Zommari are you going to enter voice chat? ●.◉

**Zommari ** today at 14:15

I’m in VC already. I’ve been there since I got here all of what, 2 minutes ago?

**Grimm-chan** today at 14:15

Oops.. didn’t notice. My bad Zoomy-chwan (•ө•)♡

  
  


**Espadas-4**

choose your nickname

EdgyBastard5

Grimm-chan

NellyBelly

YummyYammy

**Zommari** today at 14:16

Hey Nnoi. 

Don’t call me Zoomy, Grimmjow. Unless you want my foot in your ass.

**EdgyBastard5** today at 14:16

Hey big bald, how have you been?

_ Hello. Is it  _ ** _Wonderweiss_ ** _ you're looking for? 10/15/19 _

**Grimm-chan ** today at 14:16

Buuut, it feels so well…. (๑°⌓°๑) Okay from now on I’ll call you Mari-chan(๑•́ω•̀)

**Zommari** today at 14:16

Fuck off. Hey WW.

**Wonderweiss** today at 14:16

Good day, Zommari; Nnoitra… Grimmjow. How many brain cells have you slaughtered today?

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 14:16

Oh the retarded kid can talk… nice surprise.

**Wonderweiss ** today at 14:17

You shouldn’t talk about yourself that way, Nnoitra. @Mod Squad is listening. They do not take kindly to such self-hate. 

**Tosen** today at 14:17

@EdgyBastard5 Don’t say that word unless you want to get muted.

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 14:17

Okay, okay… I understand.

Fucking snitch.

**Grimm-chan ** today at 14:17

Nnoisy and Weissy-san, do you want to join vc? I’m here with Mari-chan. (∩`ω´)⊃))

In  ** _#Voice-Chat_ **

Nnoitra frowned as he tried to remember what Gin had said about voice chat. Whoever was speaking had their profile picture highlighted while he or she was speaking. It was hard to keep track of, but luckily he knew most of his fellow arrancar by voice, anyway.

The thing he liked about the presentation about the voice chat feature was that there was no permanent record of what was said. He could use all the offensive language he wanted here, he thought, grinning widely.

Wonderweiss: “Aaaaaaahhhhhoooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Nnoitra: “What are you even saying? Dumb ass, you sound like a child with down syndrome.”

Zommari: “C’mon, Nnoi, don’t be a dick. He can’t speak. We all know it. Go to  _ #voice-chat-text _ to read what he means.”

Grimmjow: “Nnoisy getting all his edge now.. wowwy.”

Nnoitra: “Fucking hell, I joined vc bc I don’t want to read”

Yammy: “Oi! Whatchu all talkin’ ‘bout in ‘ere?”

Wonderweiss: “eeeeeEEEEEEhhhhhh OOOOOoooh!”

Yammy: “Hey, Wonderweiss, what’s cookin’?”

Grimmjow: “Ywammy is here, yay!!!!”

Yammy: “Errr, Grimmjoowr? You alright? I mean, you look like you are full grown but you sound like you’re about kneehigh to a grasshopper, amirite?”

Zommari: “You nailed it, Yams.”

Nnoitra: “He sounds more like a weeb who is addicted to loli p--”

Zommari: “Shut up, I don’t want him to end up on some kind of list!”

Grimmjow: “You two are soo meeean!! I sound okay.””

Nnoitra: “Fucking pussy, what are they going to do? Arrest you?”

Zommari: “Have you met Tosen? Not much of a sense of humor. Or mercy. That kind of thing does not meet his threshold for justice. That’s what Wonderweiss just wrote in the VC text channel for those of you too lazy to read.”

Wonderweiss: “AAAeeeeheeeaaa”

Nnoitra: “Is not like he can hear us, pffff.”

Ulquiorra: “You don’t know that.”

Grimmjow: “Ulqyyy bulgy!!!! You scawwed me, don’t join out of nowhere.”

Ulquiorra: “Were you dropped on your head?” *scoffs*

Orihime: “Hey guys! What are you talking about?”

Grimmjow: “hehehe, you can’t be mean anymore, ulqy bulgy”

Yammy: “Oi, Grimmjowr, d’you fancy ol’ Green-eyes? You use enough pet names for ‘im.”

Ulquiorra: “Yammy, please. That is a disgusting idea.”

Barragan: “Is this Alexa??? Alexa order pizza please.”

Grimmjow: “Maybe, but that’s not of your business, YummyYammy. Also pizza ordered, Mr. Barragan”

Orihime: “That’s, um, unexpected, Grimm. Both the pizza and the… er… other thing.”

Grimmjow: “Was a joke Hime-swan, obviously I don’t fancy edgy Ulqy bulgy, kek”

Orihime: “Did you just say “kek” out loud?”

Nnoitra: “Ohh my fucking god, Grimmjow you are such a fucking weeb.”

Grimmjow: “What if I am? I’m still better than you, Nnoisy-chan.”

Loly: “Hey, Grimmy. Do you have that fifty bucks you owe me?”

Grimmjow: “Owww, I forgot about that. Yeah… it’s in my wallet, I’ll give it to you later, Loly-chan.”

Loly: “I’ll just send Menoly over to your room. She’s on her way. Make sure you answer, Dickless.”

Grimmjow: “No need to do it (sweating intensifies). I’ll give it to you in a moment.”

Yammy: “I dunno why you’re afraid of a little pipsqueak like Loly, Grimmjowr. Do you even lift?”

Ulquiorra: “Oh my fucking god, Grimmjow… I can’t even… Did you just say stage notes out loud?”

Grimmjow: “Ummm, Mr. Barragan, your order is ready.”

Barragan: “Finally, I have been waiting for it.”

Yammy: “Grimmjowr, answer the question. Do you need a spotter at the gym? Because I’m going there later, I can help yas if you need to bulk up. Also, Barry-o-Boomer, can I get a slice?”

Dordoni: “Buenas tardes, gente bella del Hueco Mundo.”

Nnoitra: “Ohh for fuck's sake. All the weirdos are joining voice chat.”

Dordoni: “¿Acaso hay gente extraña acá? Señor Nnoitra, acá todos somos familia, no hay necesidad de ser tan agresivo con nosotros.”

Nnoitra: “I want to fucking die!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Ulquiorra: “Dordoni, llegaste en el momento justo para salvar a Grimmjow de ser acusado por actuar como un puto imbécil en el servidor. Puedes callarte un momento y dejar que este se defienda.” 

Orihime: “Hmm, I don’t know what you’re saying but it sounds so pretty….”

Loly: “Shut up, you slut.”

Dordoni: “Mis disculpas, señor Ulquiorra. Me mantendré en silencio hasta que el querido Grimmjow se defienda”.

Ulquiorra: “Loly, you will not address Orihime that way. Dordoni, gracias por entender.”

Yammy: “Oi, Grimmjowr! Did you disappear? Barry’s gone… Where’s my fookin’ piece of pizza?”

Grimmjow: “I didn’t leave, Yammy-chan, also, the pizza was just me joking with Boomer-kun.”

Orihime: “That wasn’t nice, Grimmjow. Now he’s going to be hungry.”

Loly: “You would think of that, you fat cow.”

***

Tosen heard a rap on his chamber door, and on opening it, found a servant arrancar holding a fragrant cardboard box. “What is the meaning of this, Xanadu?” the Shinigami asked.

The small arrancar replied, “It is a pizza, Lord Tosen. The Espada, Barragan has misunderstood the purpose of the voice chat in Lord Aizen’s Discord Server. He believes he has ordered this item. The Espada, Grimmjow, sent one of his Fr,accion to the kitchens with instructions to bring it to you to deliver to “The Boomer”. We think that means to Barragan.”

Tosen sighed. “I understand, Xanadu. You are dismissed.”

***

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

“Barragan! Open up. Your pizza is here!”

  
  
“Oh, finally.” Barragan stood up and slowly walked to the door to open it. “Tosen, do you work for a pizza company?” Barragan asked in confusion after seeing the shinigami at the door.

Tosen almost scoffed, but caught himself. “Um, I have been moonlighting as a delivery person, but now that I am a Las(t) Night(s) Moderator, I think I’ll retire this side job,” he explained, glad that his eyes were obstructed by his weird visor thing he wore over them; his expression would have given away the fact that he was pulling this explanation out of his ass.

“That’s a shame, young Tosen. After seeing your work today I think you do a wonderful job delivering pizzas,” Barragan smiled while he extended his hands for the pizza. 

***

Back in  ** _#voice-chat_ **

Ggio: “Oh my fucking god, you guys, you won’t BELIEVE what just happened. What the shit, Grimmjow? Do you have a death wish or something? Haaaaa hahahahahahahha!!!!!!”

Orihime: “Who are you?”

Ggio: “I’m Ggio, Barragan’s  _ handsome _ Fraccion? Duh. I’ve seen you checking me out.”

Orihime: “Oh. Well, what happened?”

Ggio: “Why don’t you tell them what you did, Grimmjow, while you’re still alive to tell the tale?”

Grimmjow: “I gave Boomer-kun the pizza he ordered. OwO”

Nnoitra: “Why the fuck are you still talking like that after what happened?”

Wonderweiss: “Aaaaeeeeiieeeee”

Orihime: “Wonderweiss says you better run, Grimmjow…”

Grimmjow: “Why? I just did what I was asked UwU”

Nnoitra: “I swear to-- Listen, Grimmjow, here’s what’s going to happen. First I’m going to screw your mom. Then I’m going to come over there a grab your balls from the inside of your mouth and then make you choke on them if you don’t STOP WITH THE WEEB BULLSHIT!”

Nel: “Wow, tell him how you really feel, Nnoitra.”

Grimmjow: “Uhhm, Do you want to repeat what you said? You fucking edgy bastard. I will kill you if you don’t shut up.”

Tesla: “Don’t you talk to Lord Nnoitra like that!” 

Nnoitra and Grimmjow in unison: “SHUT THE FUCK UP, TESLA!”

Orihime: “Well, at least they can agree about something.”

Grimmjow: “Nnoitra, if you are so brave come here and say that to my fucking face!”

Ggio: “Why don’t you two go take it offline. Right Yammy? Let’s let the nice guys have some time to have a civilized chat.”

Loly: “Owww, we have a fight ladies and gentlemen.”

Aizen: “Take it outside, boys. We don’t want a repeat of what happened on New Year’s Eve.”

Loly: “Aizen-saaama, do you want to commentate the fight with me? I’m sure Menoly will understand.”

** _Aizen had disconnected_ **

“Okay, Menoly we can do it together.”

Menoly: _sighs_ “Fine.”

Loly: “Well, who do you think will win? The blue weeb or the edgy incel?”

Yammy: “My money’s on Grimmjowr. Always root for the underdog.”

Ggio: “Edgy incel, all the way. Grimmjow will spend to much time trying to think of a word to mash-up with “desu” and get his clock cleaned.”

Tesla: “Nnoitra-sama never loses, but I must go and provide back-up should it become necessary.”

** _Tesla has disconnected_ **

Wonderweiss: “Eeeooaaa.”

Loly: “Wait, why the fuck all of you peasents are in the call? I thought you left already.  Shoo shoo.”

Ggio: “No way, Paleface McBoner is finally gone. Now’s my chance to ask the princess what color underwear she has on.”

** _Ulquiorra kicked Ggio from #voice-chat_ **

Loly: “Thanks, finally your hornyness for the slut was useful.” 

Zommari: “Tor-toooo-ga. TorTUga. How does that go, Dordoni?”

Dordani: “Oh señor Zommari, es tortuga, exactamente como se escribe. Lo estás haciendo a la perfección.”

Loly: “All these weirdos in voice chat…”

Menoly: “Just ignore them for now, the fight is about to start.”

Loly: “Okay. Weirdos, please stay quiet.”

_ *silence prevails for two and a half minutes* _

Yammy: “Oi! Melody! Lady! What’s going on? Can you even see this fight?”

Menoly: “It's Menoly, and yes, we can see the fight.”

Zommari: “Well you absolutely suck at commentating.”

Loly: “It hasn’t even started you dumb bald fuck, the two of them are just staring at each other.”

Nel: “Are they saying anything?”

Menoly: “No, but I think Nnoitra is about to say something.”

***

“I hope you are ready to taste my boot, since you'll be on the ground in a few seconds,” Nnoitra said with a huge smile on his face. 

Grimmjow cracked his knuckles and responded, “You sure talk a lot for a cockroach.”


	3. BATTLE: NNOITRA VS. GRIMMJOW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Below is Barragan's profile pic

In  ** _#voice-chat_ **

Yammy: “For fuck’s sake, these two ain’t sayin’ nuffin. I’m going after them”.

_ Yammy has disconnected _

Zommari: “Yikes. Ten bucks says he gets in on that fight.”

Wonderweiss: “Eeeooaaa.”

Gin: “I’m bringing popcorn if anyone wants to watch from the roof.”

Loly: “Is Aizen-sama gonna be there?”

Gin: “No, Aizen’s in a private meeting.”

Loly: “WITH WHOM?!?”

Gin: “It’s  _ private _ , Loly-chan.”

Loly: “Son of a bitch…”

_ Loly has disconnected _

Gin: “Oh dear, who’s going to commentate now?”

Menoly: “I’m still watching.”

_ Gin has disconnected _

***

Nnoitra’s pendulous scythe swung with force toward Grimmjow’s neck. “Grrrimjow!” he screeched, nostrils flaring and rolling his r’s. “Hold still so I can kill ya!”

With his great agility, Grimmjow, crouched to evade the swing of the scythe and then jumped back to maintain his distance with his opponent, “That’s the best you got, little bastard,” he said with an evil smile on his face.

“Who are you callin’ little, Kitten?” Nnoitra grinned maniacally and charged, his long tongue sticking out between rows of jagged teeth.

Grimmjow unsheathed his sword and took a defensive stand, before the collision of weapons he said with a small grin on his face “even your insults suck ass,” and swung his katana to stop the attack of Nnoitra.

“Nnoitra-sama!” Tesla’s voice called out at an inopportune moment, distracting the tall arrancar. Nnoitra sneered as Grimmjow’s blade scratched his hierro.

“FUCK!” Nnoitra spat, spinning and swinging his weapon blindly in rage.

“Why are you so annoying even when you fight?” Grimmjow asked while doing his best to evade and stop the rapid attacks of his enraged opponent. 

Yammy didn’t make a lot of noise as he came lumbering over the white sand, stopping a short distance away from the action. He watched for a moment and then found himself getting irritated. “Right! You two buffoons better hope you can run because I have got a can full of whoop-arse with your names in it. And by whoop-arse, I mean balas,” the nearly bald Espada shouted, charging up the red balls of energy in his palms and blasting them toward Nnoitra, Tesla, and Grimmjow.

Thanks to the distraction Yammy created, Grimmjow, headbutted the tall arrancar and grabbed his wrist to put him in a position where he and his scythe could be used as a shield against the balas of Yammy, “You’ll survive… probably” he said to his captured opponent.

A hiss of pain lanced through him as Nnoitra was pelted with bala after bala.

“Lord Nnoi—“. Tesla’s voice cut off as his charred body hit the ground.

“Dammit Yammy!” Nnoitra slipped through Grimmjow’s arms a moment later and went for his fallen subordinate, despite his own injuries, leaving Grimmjow open to attack.

“This isn’t over yo—” The grip Grimmjow had on his zanpakuto loosened and his weapon fell to the ground, the angry espada was knocked out by the person who was behind him. An angry Barragan with cheese threads on his face appeared on the vision of every person who was witnessing the fight between arrancars, “This is what happens when you mess with my food,” Barragan said while cleaning the cheese of his face. 

In  ** _#voice-chat_ **

Menoly: “Oh my god, ha ha ha, Barragan has mozzarella all over his beard and moustache! Also, Zomm, I think you owe somebody fifty bucks or whatever you bet, because both Grimmjow and Nnoitra are flat on their asses right now.”

Loly: “Well, Grimmjow lasted more so I think the fucking weeaboo won.”

Orihime: “Yay! I like Grimmjow better. And I can’t believe you thought I was having a “private audience” with Aizen, Loly. Gross.”

Loly: “Shut up, slut, nobody asked for your opinion.”

Menoly: “Seriously”

  
  


In  ** _#general-nights_ **

  
  


**Menoly ** today at 15:04

@DaddyAizen Orihime was implying that you were gross in VC.

**Aizen’s Queen ** today at 15:04

Yeah, Aizen-sama, that slut was talking SOOO much shit about you.

**Menoly** today at 15:04

Are we the only ones here? Where did everyone go?

**Dordoni** today at 15:04

No, no, no, queridas damiselas, el gran Dordoni está aquí para hacerles compañía.

**Orihime ** today at 15:04

I’m here, I’m just ignoring you.

**Aizen’s queen** today at 15:04

Shut up, bitch, why you always gotta make things about you?? I’m tired of your bs.

**Zommari** today at 15:05

Wow, Loly. Are you fearless or stupid?

**Aizen’s queen ** today at 15:05

Wow, who the fuck was talking to you? Let me correct it, who has ever talked to you? Like seriously if I tend to forget you exist at times.

** _A_ ** _ Cirucci  _ ** _has spawned in the server. 10/15/19_ **

**Cirucci ** today at 15:05

Hey, what is it, the bitching hour? You guys missed it. 

Aizen came out of the throne room with Emospada and started screaming bloody murder. 

Gin was just downing microwaved popcorn and watching those stupid pinheads wail on each other. 

I think he’s going to be calling for your services soon, Orihime.

**Menoly ** today at 15:05

Eeeew, why would he want  _ her _ services? We service him all the time and have had no complaints!

**Aizen’s queen ** today at 15:05

Aizen-sama isn’t the type of person to hate-fuck a redheaded slut.

Especially one like her.

**Zommari ** today at 15:05

Wow. You two really have no sense of modesty, do you?

**Cirucci ** today at 15:05

LMAO I was gonna say…

**Aizen’s queen ** today at 15:05

Wow. You two really have no sense of charisma, do you?

**Cirucci ** today at 15:05

<eyeroll>

Also, I will cut you in your sleep, bitch. Sleep with one eye open. Oh right, you only have one.

  
**Aizen’s queen ** today at 15:05

L-M-A-O, the clown queen is showing her claws. What are you going to do? Use a flower to spray water over me?

**Cirucci ** today at 15:06

Most people are afraid of clowns, Lolsy. 

**UlquiorraCifer** today at 15:06

@Orihime please come to the infirmary per Lord Aizen’s orders.

@Aizen’s queen You should take Cirucci’s advice. 

_ Orihime disconnected _

**Aizen’s queen** today at 15:06

Whatever, can’t stand being in the same room as a clown and a listener of MCR. Bye bitches.

_ Aizen’s queen disconnected _

**Dordoni** today at 15:06

Oh que lastima, no puedo soportar cuando dos gatas pelean entre sí, preferiría que ambas alabaran al gran Dordoni mientras yo cuento las increíbles historias que he tenido en el mundo de los vivos.

**Menoly** today at 15:06

Uh…. wut?

**Dordoni** today at 15:06

Oh, una gatita que quiere escuchar mis historias, siéntate y presta atención que esta es larga. Hace un par de años andaba en un país de ese mundo llamado Japón, es un lugar bello y maravilloso lleno de personas fascinantes. Pero bueno, andaba en una montaña y me encontré una bella ardilla que andaba saltando de árbol en árbol, ya que andaba aburrido decidí seguirla, pero en cuanto empecé me tropecé y caí encima de una anciana muy amable y suave.

¿Estás entendiendo todo hasta ahora? 

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 15:08

Wow, what a fun fight that was. Oh! Right. Um, @UlquiorraCifer, you may want to head down to the infirmary… Nnoitra’s got his finger’s in Hime-chan’s mouth again and won’t let go.

_ UlquiorraCifer disconnected _

**Dordoni** today at 15:08

A veces tengo el presentimiento de que nadie en este servidor me presta atención. Pero no creo que sea posible ignorar al gran Dordoni. 

**Wonderweiss ** today at 15:08

Don’t worry, Menoly; you wouldn’t be able to understand it even if he was writing in English.

**Zommari** today at 15:08 

^^

**Grimm-chan ** today at 15:08

Damn, oldy boomy hits hard༼☯﹏☯༽

_ Szayel  _ ** _just joined. Can I get a heal? - 10/15/19_ **

**Szayel ** today at 15:08

What’s up, bitches? I heard all the racket outside and decided to peak in and find out what you losers are doing. 

Oh, you’re alive, Grimmjow? I thought for sure Baraggan had eaten you along with that pizza.

**Grimm-chan** today at 15:08

Stupid Szy-chan, an oldy boomy skeleton can’t kill me with one punch (￣▼￣)

**Szayel ** today at 15:08

Well, aren’t you just precious, Grimm-chan? Want to come down to the lab later? I’d love to examine you to make sure your injuries are all healed.

**Grimm-chan** today at 15:08

@Ulquiorracifer ulqy bulgy, I’m scared save me or I will tell your gf what you did ●﹏●

**SilverFoxxx** today at 15:09

Oooooooooooooh, what did he do??

**Grimm-chan** today at 15:09

Can’t say it, is my only way to blackmail him

**choose your nickname** today at 15:09

Dear Lord Aizen,

Today I was a bad king of Hueco Mundo.

I apologize for my lack of discretion.

I will make my fraccion, Ggio, clean up the pepperoni stains in the great hall.

Also, I will certainly invite you the next time I order something delivered. I wasn’t thinking.

Kindest Regards,

Barragan Luisenbarn

P.S.: I don’t know where Grimmjow got that pizza, but it was delicious.

**Grimm-chan** today at 15:09

Glad you enjoyed the pizza bomb… I mean the pizza, Barry-swan.(-‿◦)

**choose your nickname** today at 15:10

Hey, Siri, why is my message app sending me winky faces?

Hey, Siri, do you think my phone has a crush on me?

**Grimm-chan** today at 15:10

Kek （＞ｙ＜）

**SilverFoxxx** today at 15:10

LMAO

**Menoly ** today at 15:10

Holy shit, yeah, Boomer, your phone wants to dick you down

**choose your name** today at 15:10

Dick me down? What does that mean? Siri, search dicks down in google.

**Zommari ** today at 15:10

( •_•)

**Cirucci** today at 15:11

**ʘ‿ʘ ** this is the best day of my life. Who wants to go to Barry’s and wait for him to get his search results?

**choose your name ** today at 15:11

God damn it, this damn alexas can’t search for shit, I have to do it old school and search it for myself.

**Menoly** today at 15:11

I’m down with it. Give me a second and I'll be there.

_ Cirucci has disconnected _

_ Menoly has disconnected _

**Wonderweiss ** today at 15:12

Well,  _ anyway _ , anybody doing anything interesting this weekend? I’m thinking about cracking open a garganta and sucking down some souls in the World of the Living. Tosen mentioned he might want to come along and get some new RayBans or something, if anyone else wants to tag along.

**Dordoni** today at 15:12

Que bueno que preguntaras, porque a pesar de que el gran Dordoni siempre tiene planes, llevaba un tiempo pensando en ir al mundo de los vivos. Lamentablemente nadie andaba interesado en venir conmigo, pero ya que tu preguntaste estoy feliz de acompañarte, pequeño niño.

**Zoomari** today at 15:12

I’ll go, is not like I have better things to do.

**Wonderweiss ** today at 15:12

Nice. I’ll @ you guys when I’m leaving.

_ Starrk  _ ** _just joined the server. It’s super effective! - 10/15/19_ **

_ Lillynette  _ ** _just slid into the server - 10/15/19_ **

**Starrk ** today at 15:13

Hey. Okay, I’m here, Lil. I’m gonna take a nap now.

**Lillynette** today at 15:13

Fine, Kusojiji. Heyyyyyyyyy  ƪ(ړײ)ƪ

_ Starrk disconnected _

**Grimm-chan** today at 15:13

Hi, Lilly-chan, hi Starrrrrrky-san.ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ

**Lillynette** today at 15:13

Too late, Grimmy-poo. He’s sawing logs. What’s up? I heard you got your butt kicked.

**Grimm-chan** today at 15:13

It was just one hit 

I beat Nnoisy’s ass and then Barragan attacked me from behind（￣￣ー￣￣）

**Lillynette** today at 15:13

Cheap shot!  ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

**Grimm-chan** today at 15:13

I KNOW!! The old boomer took advantage of the fact that I was being attacked by noisy and yummy.

**YummyYammy ** today at 15:14

Oi, sorry ‘bout that, mate. Got over excited. Also poor Princess is now traumatized and won’t heal Nnoitra, so he’s going to be laid up for awhile. I’ll go eat souls with you this weekend, Wonder.

**Grimm-chan** today at 15:14

Kek, he deserves it （≧ｙ≦＊）

No problem, yummy-chan is not like I got hurt by you.

**NellyBelly ** today at 15:14

Poor Hime. Nnoitra is a perv.

**YummyYammy ** today at 15:14

Yeah, you should’ve seen it. Aizen had to restrain Ulquiorra. LOL.

**choose** **your name **today at 15:14

SIRI WHY IS SOMEONE’S PENIS IN MY SCREEN? DELETE THAT, DELETE THAT!

**Lillynette ** today at 15:15

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Who let the boomer have a phone or the internet? Gross! @Modsquad help!

**choose your name ** today at 15:15

SIRI NOw there is a lady doing dirty things with this man’s penis. Those type of thINGS ARE NOT OKAY IF YOu’re not MarriEd. 

**Lillynette ** today at 15:15

(－‸ლ) oh my god. PLEASE @SilverFoxxx do something!

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 15:15

Hold on, Imma do something…

There. He’s muted for a bit.

**Lillynette ** today at 15:16

THANK YOU.

By the way, guys,  Ulq and Orihime have been really close recently, right stark?"

**Starrk ** today at 15:16

Huh? Who?

**Lillynette ** today at 15:16

OMGGGGGGGGGGgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg like get a room already

**Starrk ** today at 15:16

Wait, who are you talking about? lilly

**Lillynette ** today at 15:16 

Ulquiorra and Orihime

it's just gross

he's like lizardman and she's a cinnamon roll

**Starrk** today at 15:16

Oh, alright I suppose

doesn't affect me

**Lillynette ** today at 15:16 

Go back to bed, boomer

**choose your name** today at 15:17

Did someone called me?

**Lillynette ** today at 15:17

@choose your name NO

@choose your name @mod squad TELL BARRAGAN NO. And WHY IS HE UNMUTED ALREADY?

**NellyBelly ** today at 15:17 

Don't be mean to him

he is bad with technology

**Lillynette ** today at 15:17 

Then he should stay in VC with Zom

**choose your name ** today at 15:17

Siri, this is discord right? There is not going to be someone’s penis anymore?

**Szayel ** today at 15:18

So did you see the thing about Yoda having a duck dick, @SilverFoxxx?

**UlquiorraCifer** today at 15:18

Take it to the appropriate channel, @Szayel

**choose** **your name **today at 15:19

The yellow lines are back, TOUSEN help me

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 15:19

OH SHIT? really

I thought he didn't have a dick

**Szayel** today at 15:19

Yeah it's basically a corkscrew

**Orihime ** today at 15:19

Ew! Guys, keep it in the NSFW channels

**UlquiorraCifer** today at 15:19 

You are bothering people. Go away, Trash

**Grimm-chan ** today at 15:19 

UwU making moves ulqy

**UlquiorraCifer ** today at 15:19

Sexta trash

**Orihime** today at 15:20 

Be nice. He's trying to be your friend

**UlquiorraCifer ** today at 15:20

...

**Dordoni ** today at 15:20

Luego de encontrarme una moneda por el parque seguí caminando, por lo que vi un camión de helados a la vuelta de la esquina, así que me pedí dos de fresa y uno de chocolate, luego le di uno a un huérfano que había por ahí

**Daddy Aizen ** today at 15:21

Hi guys

<hewwo.jpg>

<arab_doge.mp4>

_ Daddy Aizen has disconnected _

**Grimm-chan** today at 15:21

OwO master Aizen is onli... nvm UwU

**Aizen’s Queen ** today at 15:21

:heart: :heart: @Daddy Aizen

**Menoly ** today at 15:21

UwU

**choose your name** today at 15:21

Welcome back mr Aizen

How has your day been

mine was great

**Lillynette ** today at 15:21

HE'S OFFLINE BARRY!

**choose your name** today at 15:21

Off what?

**Lillynette** today at 15:22

Offline, old man, like this

_ Lillynette disconnected  _


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Below is Ulquiorra’s standard Las Noches’-issued ID pic, which he uses as his profile pic.

**DAY THIRTEEN**

It took nearly a week to get Nnoitra healed up after getting blasted by Yammy during his “duel” with Grimmjow. The blue-haired idiot had been running his mouth off to anyone who would listen about how he had gotten a few shots in at Nnoitra before Yammy intervened, not that many believed him.

Orihime had been so disgusted by Nnoitra that she went into her room and didn’t come out for a couple of days after she finally got him back to normal. He just wouldn’t stop with the edgy bullshit and she was much too precious to handle it.

That didn’t really bother many of the people on the Las(t) Night(s) server. There was one Mod, however, who was pissier than usual.

** _#general_nights_ **

**ONLINE**

**Mod Squad - 2**

SilverFoxxx

Ulquiorra Cifer

**Espadas -3 **

Grimm-chan

YummyYammy

Tierna

**Numeros -2**

Aizen’s Queen

Menoly

  
  


**Grimm-chan ** today at 13:45

Lately, it’s been really boring without Hime-chwan

I miss her(∥￣■￣∥)

**Aizen’s Queen ** today at 13:45

Don’t even talk about that slut, I’m so glad she hasn’t talked here

She is just really annoying and I can’t stand how much she bitches all the time.

**Menoly ** today at 13:45

Ugh, tell me about it. Even before she holed up in her little luxury suite all she did was moan on and on about that oversized spork.

**YummyYammy** today at 13:45

He he he he, yeah, I  _ bet _ she was moanin’

**Aizen’s Queen** today at 13:45

Talking about oversized, can we talk about her chest, that shit looks like the tits of a cow.

**SilverFoxxx** today at 13:46

Ah ha, Loly, you are so transparent. Jealous? Sometimes a gentleman prefers a woman with more sizeable assets. 

**Tierna ** today at 13:46

…

_ Tierna has disconnected _

**SilverFoxxx** today at 13:46

See? Now look what you’ve done. Poor Tier is so self-conscious. It’s a pity because she’s almost perfect. Not that you would know anything about that, Loly.

**Aizen’s Queen ** today at 13:46

Ughh…. Men just see big and useless pieces of meat attached to a woman's chest and they go crazy for her.

**Espadas -3**

EdgyBastard5

Grimm-chan

YummyYammy

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 13:46

What’s up cocksuckers? Whatcha talking about? Oh, tits? Waste of fucking space. 

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:46

Nnoisy-swan is not only a loser, he is also a lolicon (o>艸<)

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 13:46

Nah, shitstain, bitches can fuck themselves as far as I’m concerned. They all look the same after they’ve been slaughtered.

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 13:46

As if you would know. Who was the last female you were able to cut? It’s a rhetorical question.

**YummyYammy ** today at 13:46

What’s that mean, Ulquiorra?

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 13:46

It’s a question that does not require an answer because the… You know what, Yammy? I’m going to spoil the surprise. I’m your secret santa this year. I’m buying you a dictionary.

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:47

If we are already revealing that, I have to say, @Starrk, I’m your secret santa.

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 13:47

Bold of you to assume the giant can read, prick.

**YummyYammy** today at 13:47

Oi! I represent that! Obviously I can read, I am part of this chat, ain’t I?

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 13:47

I believe the word you’re looking for is “resent”, Yammy.

**Menoly ** today at 13:47

(－‸ლ)

**Aizen’s Queen ** today at 13:47

Are you sure it isn’t your número that is writing/reading for you?

**YummyYammy** today at 13:47

Who? Kukkapuro? Nah, dog’s can’t read, Loly. You are stupid.

**Edgybastard5 ** today at 13:47

Dumbasses also can’t read.

**Espadas -4**

EdgyBastard5

Grimm-chan

YummyYammy

Zommari

**Zommari ** today at 13:48

Wow there is a lot of nastiness here today. Don’t you think @Orihime?

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 13:48

DO NOT PING HER, ZOMMARI! She’s resting.

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:48

Is bc Hime-chan isn’t here, so everyone except loly-chan is in a bad mood(-д-；)

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 13:48

Speak for yourself, Sexta. I’m dancing on sunshine and roses now that that bitch is out of my hair.

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:48

You were crying for her help when you were injured

You are not good at lying little Nnoisy-chan (o>艸<)

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 13:48

Consider this your first warning, Nnoitra.

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 13:48

What the fuck for, Ulq? 

And I was not crying, I was demanding. What else is that whore good for? 

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:48

She is good to make you scream her name while you dream.

Our rooms are really close, u can’t fool me. (* >ω<)

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 13:48

Consider this your second warning, Nnoitra. I will kick you after your third.

**YummyYammy ** today at 13:49

Oi, Ulquiorra, calm down. You can get me whatever you want for secret santa. I don’t mind that you spoiled the surprise either, but your spiritual pressure is making Kukkapuro pass out.

**Espadas -5**

EdgyBastard5

Grimm-chan

Starrk

YummyYammy

Zommari

  
  


**Starrk ** today at 13:49

It’s okay grimmjow, you can give me whatever you want, it’s not like I care about those types of things.

_ Starrk disconnected _

**Espadas -6**

EdgyBastard5

Grimm-chan

Luppi

Szayel

YummyYammy

Zommari

**Luppi ** today at 13:49

What’s this I hear about secret santa?! Nobody asked if I wanted in on that!

**Szayel ** today at 13:49

Luppi, we discussed this, it’s not a big deal.

**Luppi ** today at 13:49

Well it is to me! (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

**Grimm-chan ** today at 13:49

I thought your secret santa was Nnoisy-chan, am I wrong? @EdgyBastard5

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 13:49

No, I drew myself and I shoved that little piece of paper up my ass. If anyone wants to go up there after it and put it back into the hat, be my guest.

**YummyYammy** today at 13:49

Oi dude, u can’t just say shite like that in the server, there are children in the server, mate. 

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 13:49

Who? And why is that my problem?

**Grimm-chan ** today at 13:49

Kinky Nnoisy, Kinky Nnoisy, Kinky Nnoisy, Kinky Nnoisy ＼（Ｔ∇Ｔ）／

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 13:49

And how am I meant to be kinky? If you want to talk about kinky, ask @szayel. Deviant.

**YummyYammy ** today at 13:49

There is Loly, Melony, Weiss, Orihime and Ulquiorra, so like 11 children in the server.

**Menoly** today at 13:50

Oh for Aizen’s sake, Yammy. I’m nearly 160 years old, and Loly’s 149. The human twat has gotta be at least twenty by now… how long has she been here, @Ulquiorra Cifer?

**YummyYammy** today at 13:50

That’s basically a child, Lass. In my twenties I was still wearing diapers.

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 13:50

_ Sigh. _ That’s not something you should brag about, Yammy. And to answer your question, Menoly, the woman has been a resident of Las Noches for 1356 days.

**Zommari** today at 13:50

Dude… I know you’re as dry as toast but you measure her time here by the day?

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:50

It’s bc a day with her counts like a year for him, he is SOOOO in love that times frozen while he sees her. (*≧∀≦*) 

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 13:50

I would appreciate if you kept your conjecture to yourself, Grimmjow. Also I have no idea how old I am. Until Lord Aizen offered me a position within the Espada I had no use for such a meaningless concept as time.

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 13:51

And you call me edgy? Jesus fuck. Who has you for secret santa? I have a great list of nihilistic literature for them to choose from.

Franceska ** just joined. Can I get a heal?**

**Franceska** today at 13:51

Oi, you dumbasses. 

Tier-sama has been locked in her room for like 10 minutes while wearing oversized hoodies that hides her beautiful figure. What the fuck did you say to her?

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 13:51

I didn’t say shit to her, but if she’s being an emo bitch I can come shake her out of it.

**Franceska** today at 13:51

Call her an emo bitch and I and the other fracciones are going to hunt you.

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 13:51

Pffft, whatever. I ain’t hiding. Come and get me.

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:52

Ooooh, the boi really wants Hime-chan to heal him again… 

He is really into those big tiddies that she have. ♥（ﾉ´∀`）

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 13:52

Yeah, I’d like to use them to cushion my bicycle seat.

_ EdgyBastard5 has been kicked from the server _

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 13:52

Sexta, consider that as a warning too, understood?

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:52

|ω´･;)

Okay…

**Szayel ** today at 13:53

Oh, come on, Ulquiorra. It’s not like she’s your fracción. Ease off. You’re my secret santa, BTW. I was thinking something in leather for you, perhaps a ballgag? You into that kind of thing?

**Luppi ** today at 13:53

Oh  _ great _ . Thanks for that mental image, Szay.

**Szayel ** today at 13:53

I do my worst, Luppi. Please answer the question, Ulq. I have a coupon that will expire today.

**YummyYammy ** today at 13:53

Mate… why do u even have a coupon for that kind of shite?

**Szayel ** today at 13:53

It’s a practical thing. I have lots and lots of fracción to keep in line. I need my training supplies to be affordable. 

**YummyYammy ** today at 13:53

Okay dude, not interested in your kinks.

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 13:54

I am not interested, Szayel. I’m more interested in that thing we talked about that one time… When I came to you with questions about chemistry.

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:54 

Is it a love potion for Hime-chan? So she can be deeply in love and in your arms. 

(っ´▽｀)っ

**Aizen’s Queen** today at 13:54

Maybe you should just do that anyway and get her off the market so that we don’t have to keep hearing about it and then maybe Lord Aizen will stop being so nice to her.

**Espadas -6**

Grimm-chan

Lilynette

Luppi

Szayel

YummyYammy

Zommari

**Lilynette ** today at 13:55

Yeah! And then I am totally going to be the flower girl at your wedding, @Ulquiorra Cifer. I call it, no take-backs.

**YummyYammy** today at 13:55

Oii, I can be the priest, I promise that I’ll learn the thing I have to say.

**Zommari ** today at 13:55

Yammy, you lack the gravitas to be a priest. Maybe you can be an usher.

**Szayel** today at 13:55

You could be the florist, Luppi

**YummyYammy** today at 13:55

How can I be an Usher?? I can’t sing like him and I don’t like his songs.

**Zommari ** today at 13:55

Not Usher,  _ an usher _ . @Ulquiorra Cifer can you give him that dictionary today, please?

**UlquiorraCifer ** today at 13:55

It’s not wrapped yet.

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:55

What can I be? What can I be? Ulqy-san, do you have an idea?

**UlquiorraCifer ** today at 13:55

You can be a nuisance, since you seem to be so good at it.

**Lilynette ** today at 13:55

You’re not fooling anybody, Ulq. Grimm-chan would be your best man and you know it.

**UlquiorraCifer ** today at 13:55

Please do not encourage this nonsense, Lilynette.

**Lilynette ** today at 13:55

Oh come on. He totally is.

**Franceska** today at 13:55

He! I wonder how everyone is going to dress? I bet Zoomari has no fashion sense.

**Zommari** today at 13:56

Indeed, I have no fashion sense. I would wear what I always wear. It would be fine.

**Franceska** today at 13:56

Maybe you can ask us or Tier-sama for some advice, bc we are going to kill it.

**YummyYammy ** today at 13:56

How could you ask Grimmjow to be your best man, Ulquiorra? Yemefuckinbestmate! T^T

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 13:56

This is all ridiculous, Yammy. There is no wedding. There’s no need to cry. I can hear you sobbing all the way from your tower.

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 13:56

Oh, that is a shame. I was just talking to Aizen-sama about the event. He might be very disappointed if you do not put your best foot forward, Ulquiorra. I think there would be several broken hearts if you don’t follow through with your promises.

**Franceska** today at 13:56

Okay guys, I have to leave since Tier-sama is trying to eat ice cream from the container. 

I’ll not forget about who did this.

_ Franceska has disconnected  _

**UlquiorraCifer ** today at 13:57

Aizen-sama? I shall obey all of Aizen-sama’s orders. Please relay this message, Ichimaru.

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 13:57

Wow. Okay. I thought you would resist. I will let him know. You can look forward to formal orders later.

_ SilverFoxxx has disconnected  _

**Menoly** today at 13:57

So we are having the wedding or not?

**Zommari ** today at 13:57

It seems uncertain.

**Princesa -1**

Orihime

**Orihime ** today at 13:58

Hi! I heard Nnoitra got kicked from the server. What are we talking about? OOOOH, whos getting married? 

**UlquiorraCifer ** today at 13:58

.prune 50 

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:58

HIMEEEE-CHAN I missed you

Also, your wedding with ulqy bulgy 

**Orihime ** today at 13:58

I MISSED YOU TOO!!!! *^__^* Are you still feeling well, Grimm-chan?

**Nadekobot** today at 13:58

Messages correctly deleted.

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:58

Of course, that cockroach barely hit me and you healed all my wounds, so no problem

（っ・∀・）っ

**Lilynette ** today at 13:59

Whatever. Maybe you two can get married. Either way I call flowergirl.

**Orihime ** today at 13:59

Hold on, I’m not getting married what is this rumor and who started it?

_ Szayel has disconnected _

**Luppi ** today at 13:59

The guilty party has left. 

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:59

But Himeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-chwaaaan, ulqy bulgy loves you soooo much(○ﾟε^○)

**Orihime ** today at 13:59

He does? Ulquiorra, what are you telling people?

**UlquiorraCifer ** today at 14:00

Disregard the buffoon, Woman. He’s mentally incapable of following a conversation.

**Grimm-chan** today at 14:00

That’s sooooo meaaaaaan Ulqy-chwaaan. You can insult me in nicer ways./(_-_)ｌ

**UlquiorraCifer ** today at 14:00

<tiny_cat_plays_tiny_violin.jpg>

**Espadas -5**

Grimm-chan

Lilynette

Luppi

Tierna

YummyYammy

  
  


**Tierna** today at 14:00

… Can I be a bridesmaid?

**Orihime ** today at 14:00

Oh… um… sure? I mean, I’m sure if anyone got married you would be on the top of the list, Tier-san.

**Tierna ** today at 14:00

… wait, weren’t they planning a wedding?

**Orihime** today at 14:00

I don’t know… I just got here and then the mods deleted a bunch of messages.

**Tierna** today at 14:01

… oh, I see, that’s awkward.

_ Tierna has disconnected _

  
  


**Lord -1**

Daddy Aizen

**Mod Squad -3**

Tosen

SilverFoxxx

UlquiorraCifer

**Princesa -1**

Orihime

**Espadas -4**

Grimm-chan

Lilynette

Luppi

YummyYammy

**Daddy Aizen ** today at 14:01 

OOOh, I see that my secret santa has delivered this year. Well done, @SilverFoxxx. I looked through the audit log… How juicy.

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 14:01

Yes, nothing but the freshest tea for you, Aizen-sama.


	5. Field Trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Below is Yammy's profile pic.

**Lord -1**

Daddy Aizen

**Mod Squad -3**

Tosen

SilverFoxxx

UlquiorraCifer

**Princesa -1**

Orihime

**Espadas -4**

Grimm-chan

Lilynette

Luppi

YummyYammy

**Numeros - 2**

Aizen’s Queen

Menoly

**Fracción -1**

Franceska

  
  
  


** _#general_nights_ **

**Daddy Aizen** today at 14:02

Please, Gin. While we’re in the server, call me “Daddy”

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 14:02

……………………

Do I have to?

**Daddy Aizen** today at 14:02

Yes. All of you have to. Right Ulquiorra?

**UlquiorraCifer ** today at 14:02

Of course, Daddy.

**Daddy Aizen** today at 14:03

Good boy. If you wouldn’t mind coming to my office later, I’ve got something I’d like to chat with you about, Ulquiorra. Oh, and it’s nice to see you back in my server, Orihime.

**Orihime ** today at 14:04

Thank you! It’s good to be back.

**UlquiorraCifer ** today at 14:04

Certainly, Daddy.

**Daddy Aizen ** today at 14:04

Is everyone on their best behavior today? Grimmjow, you haven’t been goading Nnoitra, have you?

**Grimm-chan** today at 14:04

Of course not, daddy-sama. I’m always behaving correctly, not like ulqy-chwan.(ノ^∇^)

**Daddy Aizen ** today at 14:04

Oh? What’s this? What did Ulquiorra do that constitutes incorrect behavior?

**Grimm-chan** today at 14:04

He was bweing really mean to evewyone bc he missed hime-chan ( ￣ー￣)σ

**Daddy Aizen ** today at 14:04

Oh, don’t worry about that, Grimmy baby, Daddy has a plan for him to make that little problem go away. Say, now, where are my other favorites? 

**Aizen’s Queen ** today at 14:05

Here! I’m here, *Daddy*❤

**Grimm-chan ** today at 14:05

"Now, where are my other favorites"????? 

Idk why I have to say that daddy-sama

**Daddy Aizen ** today at 14:05

No, Loly, not you. I mean the other Espada. Where are Aaron and Zomm and Barragan and Starrk and Tier and Nnoitra? Daddy misses his babies. We should all have tea later.

**Grimm-chan** today at 14:05

We already had the reunion this month, daddy-sama. (●__●)

**Daddy Aizen ** today at 14:06

You’re right, Sport. You know what we need? A good old-fashioned fight to the death. What say we call some of those goodie-two-shoes from Soul Society or the World of the Living to come over and play?

**choose your name** today at 14:06

SIRI!!!!111!!! Why am I not connected?? The green circle won’t appear.

**Daddy Aizen ** today at 14:06

Okay, I’ll leave it to you, Gin. You sort out the details, and why don’t you come to my office now, Ulquiorra.

**YummyYammy ** today at 14:06

Wait, oi master, weren’t you going to say something important or some shite like that?

**Daddy Aizen ** today at 14:06

Hmmm? Was I?

**Aizen’s Queen ** today at 14:07

Yeah, you entered when we were talking about the wedding of the depressed teenager and the slut and said something about the tea.

**Daddy Aizen ** today at 14:07

First of all, Loly, you can stay in your quarters tonight. Second of all, Ulquiorra is nearly four hundred years old. And as far as Orihime goes… I just don’t care. Not that I don’t love you, Princesa, it’s just that… Oh who am I kidding. You’re just there to look pretty.

**Aizen’s Queen ** today at 14:07

Aizen-sama!!!!! That’s not fair, I’m not like Tier who enjoys being locked in her room all day.

Lmao to the slut’s thing.

_ Daddy Aizen has disconnected _

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 14:07

Way to go, Loly. I never got a chance to confirm that I will meet with Daddy. You need to learn to stop talking.

_ Ulquiorra Cifer has disconnected _

**Aizen’s Queen ** today at 14:07

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA now I have to go to ask for forgiveness from Aizen-sama

Is all your fault @Orihime

**Orihime ** today at 14:07

What about me? You’ve been nothing but mean to me and I’ve only ever been nice to you.

_ Aizen’s Queen has disconnected _

**Orihime ** today at 14:07

What a coward.

**Grimm-chan ** today at 14:07

Awww, Hime-chan showing her guts… I like it (｀ω´)

**YummyYammy ** today at 14:07

Don’t worry about Loly, love. She’s always yappin. Aizen probably just said that stuff to shut ‘er up.

**Orihime ** today at 14:08

Aww, thanks Yams.

**YummyYammy ** today at 14:08

Awww *blushes* She called me a nickname. 

**Grimm-chan** today at 14:08

Is yammy-chwan steawing my wimmick? (゜。゜)

**SilverFoxxx** today at 14:08

That was a gimmick? I thought that was legit how you talk now.

**Grimm-chan** today at 14:08

Of couwse this is how I talk Silly silvy-swan, I was just trying to be meta ('A`)

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 14:08

...Okay… Anyway, so, any suggestions for who to invite to Aizen’s Battle to the Death? I think we should bear it in mind that we may have a wedding to celebrate as well? That’s the rumor, anyway. Maybe we can anticipate a guestlist and choose from there?

**Grimm-chan** today at 14:08

Hime-chan is the one who knows all those losers, silvy-chan. So ask her, but I wouldn’t mind one of them being strawberry lips… I mean strawberry-chan (／。＼)

**Orihime ** today at 14:08

You mean Ichigo? If you invite him, I’m sure he’ll come. Maybe. Possibly.

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 14:08

Okay. Any other requests?

**YummyYammy** today at 14:08

Did you just call that clapped lad “strawberry lips”? M8, that’s weird even for you.

**Zommari ** today at 14:09

Yeah… I can’t believe you would call that Chad something that sounds like a lip gloss.

**Orihime ** today at 14:09

OH! CHAD! If we’re inviting people, let’s invite Chad!

**Dordoni** today at 14:09

Oh sí, Chad, como olvidar a ese maravilloso hombro con el que batí un duelo en este mismo palacio. Aún recuerdo su espectacular fuerza y el como logró vencerme con su espiritu de ganador a pesar de que yo era más fuerte que el. Sin duda debemos inviarlo ya que ha demostrado ser alguien de valor y es alguen al cual admiro.

**Orihime ** today at 14:10

I’m sorry, I don’t understand.

**Lord -1**

Daddy Aizen

**Daddy Aizen ** today at 14:10

Orihime, sweetie, would you please come to my office? You can escort her here, Yammy.

_ Daddy Aizen has disconnected. _

**YummyYammy ** today at 14:10

Understood… Daddy. Let’s go, lass, we have to go.

**Orihime ** today at 14:10

Okay… I’ll be waiting for you, Yams.

_ Orihime has disconnected. _

**YummyYammy ** today at 14:10

She really likes the nickname :)

_ YummyYammy has disconnected _

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 14:15

So, guys, did anyone get Zommari a birthday present? It was just your birthday a few days ago, wasn’t it? I know your status is set to offline, but you keep popping up. I believe it’s Nnoitra’s birthday next.

**Grimm-chan** today at 14:15

… (￣ー￣；

Yeah about that….

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 14:15

And then Tosen’s, then Ulquiorra’s, and then Menoly’s.

What is it?

**Grimm-chan ** today at 14:15

Sorry, silvy-chwan, but is time to go for me, I have a part-time job and the pizzas wont’ get delivered by themselves.

Arrivederci (*￣Ｏ￣)ノ

_ Grimm-chan has disconnected _

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 14:15

Well, that was abrupt. Did you get anything, Zommarino?

**Zommari ** today at 14:15

Um, yes. Aaron gave me some socks. Orihime drew me a picture… I got a piece of cake.

**Dordoni** today at 14:15

Lo siento, Zommari, la verdad es que intenté encontrar la joya perfecta que combinaría con el color de tus ojos, pero a pesar de recorrer todo el mundo humano no encontré nada que estuviera en mi presupuesto. Así que ahora te ofrezco como regalo tardió el don de la sabiduria. ¿Lo aceptas? 

**Zommari ** today at 14:15

Ummmm. Uno momento, por favor.

\---new messages---

**Zommari ** today at 14:19

Okay, sure. Lay that wisdom on me.

**Dordoni ** today at 14:19

Perfecto! Esto es maravilloso, magnifico, increible y espectacular. Por fin alguien ha aceptado la sabiduría del gran Dordoni. Okay, sabes que en el mundo de los humanos existe algo conocido como dinero, lo puedes intercambiar por objetos y servicios y eso es algo nunca antes visto. Si quieres ganar dinero fácil te recomiendo que visites los barrios bajos en donde puede haber un circuito de peleas ilegales, ahí te metes y vences a tantos como puedas. Es un plan perfecto ¿verdad?

**Zommari ** today at 14:20

….No. I think it’s probably easier to skip the money and just take what I want. Who’s gonna stop me, the ghost police? LOL.

**Dordoni ** today at 14:20

Oh, pero no hay diversion en eso. Si solo vienes y tomas las cosas no eres nada mas ni nada menos que un animal. Tienes que participar en la sociedad para poder disfrutar la vida. Además el querido Chad puede que se oponga ante ti.

**Zommari ** today at 14:21

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

**Dordoni** today at 14:21

No puedo creer como te comportas. Me voy indignado de aquí por tu culpa.

_ Dordoni has disconnected _

**choose your name** today at 14:21

SIRIII Am I offline? Why I am offline if I’m on my computer writing?? @ tozen#0941

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 14:21

Oh dear. Barry, if you want to have some help, ask your Fraccion. “Tozen” is busy with Daddy Aizen. @Ggio

**Fraccion -1**

Ggio - (mobile)

**choose your name** today at 14:21

@SIRI @GGIO Help me

**Ggio ** today at 14:21

Oh for god’s sake. I’m standing right next to you.

Click your profile picture on the left. No. I’ll do it.

There. See? You’re green now.

**Espada - 5**

choose your name

Grimm-chan

Lilynette

Luppi

Zommari

**choose your name** today at 14:22

Thank you, Ggio, I was really worried about siri, bc she didn’t hear me.

**Ggio ** today at 14:22

There there, master. You’re fine.

**Lilynette ** today at 14:22

Of for fuck’s sake, Boomer. Get a clue.

**Ggio ** today at 14:22

Hey! Be kind to your elders, Zoomer.

**choose your name ** today at 14:22

Zoomer? Did something happen to Zommari? I thought the person who wrote that was Lilynette. @Ggio what happened?

**Ggio ** today at 14:22

Uh… Nevermind.

**choose your name ** today at 14:22

Nice ladies from the 50’s in bikinis

@Ggio I searched for nice ladies in bikinis but nothing appeared, is something wrong?

**Ggio ** today at 14:22

Oh my freaking god. Time to pull the plug for now, Baraggan-sama.

**Lilynette ** today at 14:22

LMAOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_ choose your name has disconnected _

_ Ggio has disconnected _

“Sir, please. You can’t just tell everyone what kind of things get your motor going,” Ggio explained patiently, running a hand down one side of his face and trying not to sigh.

“My motor going? I just wanted to search for nice old ladies in bikinis to find the woman I encountered in the beach last month. She was really nice,” said the old espada while rubbing his long moustache. 

“Well, I’m sure she was, sir, but you can’t just tell Siri to conjure up a human for you. If you would like to meet her again, you’ve got to set up a date.” The younger Arrancar’s eyes were pleading for his master to understand.

“Dates even exist anymore? I haven’t had one since the first great war of humans started,” Barragan stood up and went to the mirror he had in his room to see how well he looked “Do you think I look good for a date, young Ggio?” The white haired arrancar asked.

“You'd look good for anyone. As for the date thing, it depends on the target, sir. Can you keep a secret from Ulquiorra?”

“Of course I can do it, I could never fear such a young man like him,” the old man laughed after answering the question.

Ggio smirked and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning forward a bit and lowering his voice as he replied, “I’ve been secretly corresponding with Orihime, passing notes under her door. I’ve discovered from her that women from the World of the Living above a certain age do still make dates. I think you should have no problems, sir. I’d be happy to deliver a message to your lady friend. Do you have her contact information?”

“No, small servant, I don’t have her information. That’s why I was searching for it,” said the boomer with a straight face. 

“Ummm… Then I guess you’re on your own. You’ll have to go there yourself to find her.”

“That was what I was going to do, young man.”

“Aren’t Wonderweiss and Zommari going soon? You three could split a garganta.”

“Good thinking, remind me to pay you more when we comeback.”

“Thank you, sir.”

***

“I think we should have brought something to write with, I don’t understand a word you’re saying, Wonderweiss,” Zommari complained, rubbing his arms and trying to keep warm. “I forgot how cold it is in the World of the Living at this time of year.”

“Uwaaaaaaaeeeeeeghhhaaaaaaa!”

“Oh, no hay problema. Podemos ir a comprar cosas en el supermercado de la ciudad más cercana.” 

“Er… Barry, I don’t suppose you’ve got your friend Siri with you to translate?” Zommari asked, turning his wide eyes to the mustachioed man.

Barragan turned his head to search for his servant but he was nowhere to be found, “sadly, Ggio took her away from me since the latest accident the server of WhatsApp.”

Zommari looked at Wonderweiss with wide, disbelieving eyes before turning back to the elder espada. “Oh, of course. Right. Wouldn’t want to have a WhatsApp incident, would you?” He rolled his eyes and took a step away from the group. “Anyway, I’m thinking of hitting up the park that Yammy destroyed a few years ago. Wait a second, wasn’t he supposed to come with us?”

“Awwwooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”

“Sorry, but I came to this world looking for someone, so I have to go in another direction. See you later, group of youngsters,” Barragan said while walking away from the trio of arrancars that accompanied him.

“Oi! You turds went ahead of me!” Yammy said, nearly tripping out of a garganta. “I thought we was gonna go slurp up some souls together.”

“Querido Yammy, que bueno que has llegado. Te hemos estado esperando para poder así consumir unas deliciosas almas y disfrutar del bello paisaje de este mundo,” the arrancar with luscious hair said that while extending his arms for a hug. 

“Yo, Dordoni, keep your hands to yourself. Let’s go, Zomm, Wonder,” Yammy said before moving toward the park.

Dordoni hugged himself after being ignored and screamed “Fantástico, nadie quiere más al bello Dordoni que el propio Dordoni.” He then followed the big man.

Several minutes later, the group of arrancars had managed to herd a group of terrified humans into the park and were about to start consuming their souls, but Wonderweiss let out an ear-splitting howl and ran off in another direction.

“What the hell was that, then?” Yammy shouted, pissed off that his dinner was being disturbed. “Um, I think… What the fuck is Grimmjow doing in the World of the Living? Can’t you feel his spiritual pressure?”

“Yeah I've felt it since we arrived here, but he is kinda weird so I ignored it and let him do what he wanted,” answered Zommari with an expression of hopelessness.

“Do you think we should…?” Yammy let the question hang in the air as he felt the familiar espada’s spiritual pressure get closer.

“Maybe we should go...” Zommari suggested while moving silently to avoid the sixth espada.

While they were talking, the spiritual pressure wasn’t the only thing that was approaching them, the sound of a motorcycle grew louder and louder until it was a few meters away, when the group of arrancers noticed the blue haired espada with an unusual outfit; he was wearing cat ears and a black polo shirt with the logo of a cat over a pizza in the right side of the chest. “Move away you bastards,” Grimmjow screamed to the concentration of people and arrancars in the park. The Pantera with his motorcycle opened his way through the park while running away from an angry client.

“Grrrrrrrrrrrrrimmmmmmjowwww!!” A nostalgic voice was heard before a flash of black streaked through the park after the espada-turned-pizza-delivery-boy. “What the hell are you doing with my pizza!”

“I don’t want to deliver to you, it will be embarrassing so go away!” Screamed the pizza delivery boy while his cheeks were bright red.

“Oi, Grimm-chan!” Yammy bellowed, lunging toward the man in question and grabbing him by the shoulder, halting his forward progress and causing a collision between himself, Grimmjow and an incensed,  _ hungry _ , Ichigo Kurosaki. “What are you doing ‘ere?”

“FACK!” Ichigo cursed, coughing out motorcycle exhaust. “What are you all doing here?”

“I’m just working, it doesn’t involve you so you shouldn’t care,” Grimm-chan said while cleaning the dust of his uniform.

“Fine. If it don’t involve me,” Yammy said, pursing his lips and letting go of the blue-haired espada, letting him fall to the ground and taking Ichigo with him.

“Shit!!!!!” Ichigo cried out, clamoring onto the back of the motorcycle seat and clinging to Grimmjow, having forgotten that he could stand in the air whenever he wanted. 

“Hey, what are you grabbing?” The blue-haired espada shrieked while his face was turning tomato red seeing the shinigami putting his hands on the lower part of his abdomen.

The question so distracted the shinigami that he didn’t notice their imminent crash into the ground, instead using his energy to blush wildly and scramble as far from Grimmjow as he could on the motorcycle seat.

“OW! FUCK!” They had hit the ground and Ichigo was displeased at this fact.

“Oi! Watch your language! Wonderweiss is practically a baby!” Yammy shouted down to the pile of athletic male figures below.

“I think he should watch what he does before what he says…” the blushing espada said while avoiding eye contact with the orange-haired guy who was in front of him. 

Ichigo checked his limbs before turning his head back toward Grimmjow and mumbling, “You alright down there?”

“Yeah, but I would be better if you had your hands in other places,” said Grimmjow, mumbling. 

Ichigo sprang to his feet and took several quick steps away before dusting off his hakama. He was still blushing when he turned around and spat, “Why are you delivering pizza in Karakura!?”

Grimmjow stood up, cleaned himself and said “I need money to buy manga and anime, I tried robbing the store but it ended up closing because of me.”

Ichigo rolled his eyes and was about to interject when another Garganta opened up. “Oh ho ho ho, how fortuitous! Just the person I was looking for,” a silver-haired man said from on high.

“Gin!” Ichigo shouted in shock, looking up at Ichimaru and drawing his zanpakuto.

“Oi no need to scream orange head, we all are just a few meters away from you,” said Yammy while cleaning his right ear with his pinky finger.

“Now now now, Kurosaki-san, no need for steel. I come bearing an invitation. Lord Aizen would like to have some festivities in Hueco Mundo soon. He’s extending an invitation to both you and your big friend, Sado-san, to join us. The information is all on the invite. Orihime-chan would be especially delighted if you could join us,” Gin said, smooth as silk.

Ichigo sneered a bit and looked down at the envelope in his hand. “Um, I’ll think it over. If you don’t mind, though, how about all of you get the hell out of my town. I have a pizza to eat,” he said, swiping the box from Grimmjow.

“Are we inviting him to the Christmas party we are having?” Asked the big arrancar.

“I can’t say. I’m not privy to Aizen’s social calendar; that would be Tosen’s area,” Gin said, opening another garganta behind him.

“Ichigo, that would be 2400 yens, how are you paying?” 

“It’s yen, singular and plural, and I paid online. Are you leaving, yet?” Ichigo snarked.

“Are you going to leave a tip?” Grimmjow asked with a face resembling of a sad cat.

“Hell no! This is Japan! We don’t tip in this country!” Ichigo said, scowl deepening.

“That’s true,” Zommari interjected. “Come on, Yams, we can leave the king of the weebs here to deliver pizzas. He’s scared off all our human sacrifices and it looks like Wonder is on his way back… I don’t know where Dordoni went, though.”

“Tch, well I still have two hours more of work, so see ya losers.” Grimmjow said while turning his bike on again, then accelerated and left them in a cloud of dust that the wheel lifted. 

“Dick,” Ichigo muttered. “I’ll wait until the rest of you get out of here. Where are your two stragglers?”

“Kurosaki!” a nasal voice called out. “I found_ your_ straggler making his way over to the coast. He won’t shut up about bikini babes. I don’t have time for this crap. I’ve got a biochem exam tomorrow. Get your shit together, would you?”

“Oh for the love of all that is holy, would you just stop bitching for one day, Ishida!” Ichigo whined. “That’s it, I’m out of here.” He and his pizza were gone in a flash.

“Wonderful. Just peachy. Yammy, is it? A real pleasure. And what, praytell, are you doing here with your little band of merry hollows? Hmm?” Uryu asked, lip curled and hands on his hips.

“Oh I don’t have time to deal with queen bitch today. C’mon Wonder, Zomm, Boomer,” Yammy said, shaking his head and grabbing the closing edge of Gin’s garganta. “If you find a numeros who only speaks spanish, feel free to waste him, Mr. Fancypants.”

“Mr. Fancypants?!” Ishida sputtered. “I will have you know that these pants are custom made and I would never stoop to…” They were already gone.


	6. An Announcement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Orihime's profile pic:

Grimmjow zipped along the streets of Karakura on the pizza delivery bike. He had a job to do. He wasn’t thinking about that stupid orange-haired jerk or his stupid face.

He didn’t notice that his route was taking him past the stupid shinigami’s house. He didn’t glance up into his bedroom window.

He didn’t.

Truly.

Or that was what he wanted to believe, but the melancholic expression on his face said the contrary., His thin, blue eyebrows were gently raised and his eyes got bright at the moment he passed close to the shinigami’s house.  _ Oh god, this stupid strawberry isn’t in his house again. How much time does he spend outside? It is like the 3rd time I have passed and haven’t seen him. I will never get… revenge for what that stupid idiot did to me that day? _

While the bike moved on, so did Grimmjow's thoughts about the person who embarrassed him in front of his friends in Hueco Mundo. The view of the streets changed and Grimmjow saw the taco truck that was installed almost a month ago there, with the name, "Chad & Dordoni's Famous Tacos" emblazoned on the side. The place was doing business as usual, but there was a person he wouldn’t expect to see at a taco truck, and that person was the fourth Espada, Ulquiorra.

“Ulquiorra, what are you doing?” screamed the blue-haired Espada.

There was a scoff. “Grimmjow, I’m trying to get this Numeros to see reason. And you have got to get back to Hueco Mundo, too. Aizen-sama wants to make an announcement. Complete your task at once and return. That’s an order,” the dry Espada said in a monotone voice.

Grimmjow stopped his scooter in front of the emo Espada and leaned forward, “Get back? But nothing interesting is happening there, and I still need to get more money,” said sexta in a similar tone to a child being told what to do by their parents. 

“I think you forget your place, Sexta,” Ulquiorra said with an understated sneer. “And I will have you know that there is something of great interest being planned, hence the need for an announcement. And what do you need money for? We don’t use it in Las Noches,” Ulquiorra then turned his attention back to the taco truck he was standing in front of. “That goes for you, too, Dordoni. You are ordered to return at once,” he said firmly and without inflection, although if one was watching they would see his eyebrow tremor in annoyance. Why was he, the only Espada with a third release, the one sent on this trivial errand? It was an outrage!

The flamboyant arrancar ignored what it was said to him by Ulquiorra while he was attending a nice client that wanted a taco. Meanwhile, Grimmjow’s cheeks turned bright red while he turned his head to the right and said “nothing that should matter to you, it's not like interferes with my work as an Espada.” 

“It will,” Ulquiorra sighed. He was tired of this. “Aizen-sama wants you to fight Kurosaki, but you have to do it at home. You can’t let on that you know, though,” the shorter Espada said to sweeten the deal. “But it is part of a larger mission, so you must be present for the briefing.”

“Why would I fight a loser like him?” Grimmjow whispered to himself, “Okay, I have to finish delivering this order and I will be there,” he then turned the motor of the scooter on and left without saying anything else.

_ Fucking finally. _ Ulquiorra closed his eyes for a moment and cleared his mind of Grimmjow. Then he returned his focus to Dordoni.

“Chad, un taco al pastor para la adorable señorita de aquí,” screamed the latin espada to his coworker of the taco truck, Chad. Dordoni then turned back and faced the short client that was waiting for him and said “Señor, which type of taco do you want? We have everything in 300 yens” 

“I do not want a _taco_, Dordoni, I want you to get your  _ ass _ back to Las Noches before I fire a fucking cero through this fucking truck!” Ulquiorra had reached the end of his patience and shouted through snarling lips. “NOW!”

“I see that you know  ** _EL GRAN DORDONI_ ** from his past in Las Noches, I’m sorry but I’m not going to go back, señor, but I can give you a free taco, only between you and me tho, alright?” Dordoni leaned closer to the angry Ulquiorra and winked at him.

A vein protruded from his porcelain forehead. He raised a black painted finger toward Dordini and a green ball of light began to gather at the tip. “This is your final warning. Will you come willingly?”

Scared, Dordoni realized who he was talking to and said, “Ohhhh señor Ulquiorra, I’m sorry for not recognizing you, I will be going to Las Noches immediately after I finish this day of work, I can’t give my good friend Chad all the work.” He then bowed and continued working while cleaning the sweat off his forehead.

_ Whatever. I don’t get enough compensation for this, _ Ulquiorra thought and turned around, opening a Garganta. “If you do not comply by the meeting tonight, you will be eliminated,” he said, then disappeared.

**ONLINE:**

**Mod Squad -3**

Tosen

SilverFoxxx

**Espada - 5**

EdgyBastard5

Szayel

Tierna

YummyYammy

Zommari

**Numeros -4**

Aizen'sQueen

Ggio

Menoly

Yylfordt

_ #General Nights (For day or night, really) _

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 16:02

I am excited for you all to find out the big news tonight.

**Aizen’squeen** today at 16:02

Is that bitch getting married? Can’t wait for her to stop hitting on Aizen-sama once he is with the emo boi.

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 16:03

You’ll find out in a couple hours!

**Ggio ** today at 16:03

Is it mandatory? Baraggan-sama is asleep and I really don’t want to wake him...

**Tosen** today at 16:03

Yes, every arrancar under Aizen’s command shall be there.

**Zommari ** today at 16:03

Don’t be a wuss, Ggio

**Ggio ** today at 16:03

Fuck you, Zomm. Why don’t you come over and do it?

**Tosen** today at 16:03

Please do not fight in the server, is against the rules. 

_ Ggio has disconnected _

**Szayel ** today at 16:04

So did you bitches hear anything about what’s happening today? Yylfordt and I were thinking… Maybe it’s some kind of execution. Wouldn’t that be lovely?

**YummyYammy ** today at 16:04

I don’t know m8, maybe Aizen got a new trim.

**Szayel** today at 16:04

Are you serious, Yammy? That’s ridiculous. His hair is PERFECTION. He wouldn’t change it.

**YummyYammy ** today at 16:04

Yeah, his trim getting kinda clapped, not really the style anymore.

**Szayel ** today at 16:05

You shut your whore mouth, you uncivilized lout.

**Yylfordt ** today at 16:05

He’s right, Yammy. Daddy Aizen is a hottie and you’re just jealous!

**YummyYammy ** today at 16:05

Alight m8, his trim is fine.

**Tierna** today at 16:05

Maybe it is...

Like about...

Festivities or something 

**Edgybastard5** today at 16:05

Nah that’s fucking stupid, you lame cow

Why the fuck we would celebrate anything?

**Tierna ** today at 16:05

You’re right.

_ Tierna has disconnected  _

  
  


**Edgybastard5** today at 16:05

Pussy.

****

_ Meanwhile, in the throneroom… _

“So you understand what I want?” Aizen asked Orihime.

“Um… I think so, but I’m a bit confused. What does that have to do with Christmas?” she asked cautiously.

“It doesn’t. We’re just adding to the festivities, my dear. Don’t tell me that you object? You want to marry Ulquiorra, don’t you Princesa?”

“Um…” her eyes darted over to Ulquiorra and she swallowed nervously. “Okay?”

“Excellent. And you, Ulquiorra? You have no objections, right?” Aizen looked over to his favorite with a hungry grin.

“No, Aizen-sama, if you want me to marry the woman I will do it,” the green-eyed arrancar said while nodding in confirmation. 

“Excellent. Call the meeting, Ulquiorra. We’ll have it here. You can sit next to me, Orihime,” the sovereign said to the young woman, who tried not to visibly recoil.

“As you wish, Aizen-sama” The fourth espada bowed and left the room immediately to tell the other servants about the reunion. 

As soon as the crowd was gathered, the whispers started.

“Loly! Look at that slut, sitting up there next to him. That should be us!” Menoly hissed.

“Oh my god, can’t believe that she is getting married but still hits on another man, what a whore.” Responded Loly to his partner.

Menoly scowled. “Maybe she’s marrying him. I can’t believe this. It’s disgusting. I knew when he started calling her princess that something was going on,” the blonde sniffled.

“Be quiet, you know nothing,” Hallibel’s cool voice sounded behind the shorter arrancar.

“Jeez, okay...” responded Menoly in a passive aggressive tone while turning her head straight. Loly without saying anything, copied the actions of her mischievous friend and remained quiet.

Finally Baraggan came in, being pulled by Ggio and pushed by his other fraccion. When the group got settled, Gin stood and addressed the crowd.

“My dear comrades, please listen well, Aizen-sama has an announcement!”

There was a hush in the crowd and Aaroniero applauded until he realized he was alone in the endeavor.

“Kiss ass,” Szayel hissed.

“My beloved Espada, other Arrancar,” Aizen said, standing, and taking Orihime by the hand. “I have wonderful news.”

Menoly grasped Loly hand and whined through clenched teeth. “No! That bitch!”

Tier touched her shoulder and looked at her with her cold eyes, “Let him finish without making assumptions.”

“Ulquiorra, you have always done my bidding efficiently and without question, your unfortunate death that one time notwithstanding. Anyway, I stand before all of you today to announce the marriage of Ulquiorra and our residence princesa, Orihime. They will be wed during our inaugural Hueco Mundo Christmas Celebration! Congratulations, Ulquiorra, Orihime, and congratulations to all of you, my babies. You’ll all have to participate in the festivities! Please make sure you pick up your informational packet on your way out. Your assignments will be inside. Thank you, and don’t forget to congratulate the happy couple!” Aizen smiled and sat down on his throne, effectively dismissing everyone.

Menoly’s expression changed from the most pure showing of anger to happiness in a matter of seconds, she screamed “YES!” and hugged her friend while jumping out of pure joy.  “Fuck you, you orange haired slut!” she screamed while celebrating with Loly. 

Ggio kicked the ground. Zommari raised his brows and left to pick up his packet. Most of the crowd was annoyed or ambivalent.

Not Yammy.

“Oi! Cheers Ulquiorra and Orihime! Kiss! Kiss!” he shouted, adding a whistle at the between chants.

Grimmjow, seeing Yammy doing that, joined the kiss chant.

Aaroniero joined. The other numeros and arrancar joined.

“Um… Ulquiorra… I don’t think they’re going to stop,” Orihime said to her new fiance, nervously.

“Let them chant, we do not have to obey them only because they are a majority,” said the recently engaged Espada without any emotion in his tone.

Orihime’s shoulders dropped. “Okay,” she said and turned to leave the front of the room and pick up her packet of information. She ran into Grimmjow on the way and sensed the World of the Living on him still.

“Hi Gimm-chan, how was your trip?” she asked in a sad voice.

Grimmjow raised his finger and said, “First of all, never call me Grimm-chan,” he then raised the second. “Two, nothing important happened there.”

She nodded and made her way to the exit. 

“Wait,” Grimmjow said while grabbing the princess' shoulders, “do you know if strawbe… I mean, Ichigo is going to be in your wedding?” After asking he looked down and waited for her response. 

She sighed. “I don’t know. I guess it will be in the informational packet. It doesn’t really matter, does it?”

“Oh… yeah… doesn’t matter at all”

“Why do you ask, Grimmjow?” she asked, intrigued by his strange response.

“Uhm…” Sexta stayed without answering for some seconds while scratching the side of his head, his cheeks turned red and he could only speak while stuttering “oh nothing, just curiosity… since he is your friend, and we fought the other time, and then helped him in the war, so can be like awkward, you know?” 

“Yeah, awkward. That sums it up well. It sums everything up well. Excuse me,” she said, storming out.

“Well, well, well, what was that about?” Gin asked, slithering up from behind Grimmjow.

Grimmjow turning back to his normal self answered “What the fuck was what about?”

“You know, you and Kurosaki? Orihime’s displeasure? What do you know that I don’t?” he nearly purred.

“I just thought it would be weird seeing him because of what happened the last time we saw each other, nothing else. And about Hime, I don’t know, probably isn’t happy with Ulquiorra. He kinda sucks at human relationships.”

Gin sighed. “Poor dear. Also, you’re not fooling anyone, you know, Grimmy. See you on Discord,” he said with a small wave before slinking away.

“OI! GRIMMJOW! WAIT UP!” Yammy shouted with Nnoitra on his heels.

“What do you want, Yammy?” screamed Grimmjow angrily after his interaction with the silver haired shinigami.

“Fuck off, ya prick,” Nnoitra interrupted. 

“No! Don’t fuck off. I want to know why you get to fight in Aizen's death match and we don’t?! You’re only number six!” Yammy complained loudly.

“You are number 10, so shut up about numbers,” Grimmjow dismissed the complaint of Yammy.

“I’m the zero Espada, did you forget?” Yammy grumbled and turned toward Ulquiorra.

“I’ll kill ya in your sleep, Grimmjow,” Nnoitra said to him. “I’ll kill ya and then I will destroy the shinigami.”

Grimmjow tilted his head and looked at Nnoitra with arrogance and murderous intent, “Try and you will need Hime’s help again, you fucking cockroach.” He then turned away and walked off the room. While walking he said, “I’m not in the mood to fight, so fuck off or I will finish the job this time.”

Ulquiorra brushed past the bristling pair toward the table with the informational packets, ignoring Yammy’s attempts to talk. He grabbed one of the thick manila envelopes, opened it, and huffed. “Oh. Oh, you idiots are going to  _ love  _ this,” he muttered, and left the room.

That got Yammy’s attention. “What?” He grabbed one of the packets in his huge hands and dumped its contents into one of them. He read the first page and started to laugh. 

“Oi! Ulquiorra! I didn’t know you were an actor!” he said with a chuckle as he followed him out of the door.

Nnoitra raised an eyebrow at Grimmjow, temporarily distracted from their argument. “Maybe we should have a look at these packets.”

“I don’t care.” Sexta grabbed the package and finally left the room. 

“Whatever, you moody fucker,” said Nnoitra while going to grab a package. When he was at the table he passed close to Harribel. Nnoitra stared at the voluptuous Espada and said “What do you want now?”

Tier didn’t say anything, she only lowered her collar and stuck her tongue out to mock him. She then pulled up her collar again and continued on her way.

“What is wrong with her?” He said while grabbing the package with the juicy information. Before he opened it,  Nnoitra shrugged toward Tesla, who stood nearby. “Her tits probably make her crazy. Let’s look this over, seems like it’s shocking everyone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know if you like where were going? Can anyone guess what is in those packets?


	7. Advent Preparations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nnoitra's PFP

These informational packets that Aizen had handed out were_thick._

“Normally I would never suggest it, but would you three mind stepping into my quarters? We have, er, business to discuss,” Ulquiorra muttered as he led the way, fully expecting the lower-ranking Espada to follow.

Nnoitra glared at Yammy and Grimmjow before he huffed, limping along after Ulquiorra. “You fuckers coming? I’d rather not have to read through this shit on my own.”

Grimmjow let out a short sigh and answered to the tall cockroach, “Calm down, I’m going too.” He then put his hands in his pockets and waited for Ulquiorra to continue walking.

“Oi, wait up!” Yammy called out as he scrambled to catch up to the other three. 

The four of them walked until they got to the fourth tower and stopped. Ulquiorra opened a door and let the other three in first, then entered and slammed the door behind them, tossing his packet of information and its contents onto the table in the center of the room before he snarled, “This is utter trash. Did you see what we’ve been tasked to do?!”

“Are there more things than your wedding in the package?” asked the blue-haired feline.

Ulquiorra almost laughed. As it was, his chin tilted up to a superior angle and his nostrils flared slightly before he reported, “Indeed. My marriage to the Woman will only be the start of the so-called  _ festivities _ . There is to be a dramatic performance, and each of you get to play a part.” With that, the green-eyed Espada flopped his small body into a chair. “Have a seat and we can take a look.”

“Oi, oi, oi, can you speak like a person of this century,Ulquiorra?” the big guy asked, putting his hand in the back of the closest chair. “I didn’t understand shite.”

Nnoitra began rifling through the loose papers on the table’s surface and stopped when something caught his eye. “A nativity play? Christmas? Do any of you bastards know what the fuck this means?”

Grimmjow let his body drop to the chair, crossed his legs, and said while looking down, “Isn’t that shit where the couples gives gifts to each other? Why would we celebrate that, since most of the guys here are as alone as Dordoni at a party?”

Ulquiorra rolled his eyes and sat up straighter, spitting out the facts he had researched before his mission to the World of the Living years ago, “Christmas is a winter solstice celebration for humans that was co-opted by a major religion to mark the birth of their god -savior- whatever. It’s all a marketing scheme to trick people who can’t afford it into spending all their money on garbage. A nativity play is supposed to re-enact the story of the birth of the religion’s protagonist, Je--”

“--Sus Christ! Would you look at this shit?!” Nnoitra interrupted with a wide grin. “He wants Orihime to play a virgin! Ha ha ha!”

Ulquiorra’s eyebrow twitched but he otherwise remained silent.

“Ehhh… since when do you know about the Hime-chan's sexuality, Coackroach?” asked Grimmjow with a small grin on his face. 

Nnoitra flashed his eyebrows at Grimmjow. “Not as much as I’d like, right?” His grin broadened.

“Are you interested in women now? I thought you would die a virgin.” Grimmjow laughed a bit and continued, “Well it's not like that makes any difference, considering how you look.”

_ Crack _ . Nnoitra’s fist got one punch on Grimmjow before Ulquiorra threw him to the other side of the room.

“Both of you contain yourselves! I won’t have you messing up my office. The Woman would not entertain either of you. You’re both trash.”

Grimmjow spat on the floor after receiving Nnoitra's punch and mumbled to himself, “It's not like I’m trying to get her, I’m not interested in a one-sided relationship.”

“Fuck off, Ulq. I’d totally have her bent over a table if you weren’t always tailing her,” Nnoitra said, sneering as he came back to the group.

“Hey, I have a question,” Yammy said, breaking the tension. “What is a Sponge Bob?”

“Wait… you don’t know Spongebob? It's obvious who he is,” Grimmjow replied, then started looking at the other side of the room, trying to think about what a sponge bob was while searching for clues that might be in the room.

The other three occupants of the room stared at him, various shades of doubt casting shadows on their faces. Finally, Ulquiorra cleared his throat. “I am certain there will be more information inside. Get to work.” It wasn’t a suggestion, and he passed out a stack of paper to each of the others. “Figure out what this means. I’ll be back in twenty minutes and expect a full briefing. Don’t mess up my room,” he said before leaving the lower-ranking Espadas.

Waiting a few seconds after the green-eyed emo left the room, Grimmjow told his fellowe Espadas, “Okay, you do that, I’m going to see the guest list for the wedding.” He then concentrated his gaze at the paper and started flipping one page after another in search for the information he wanted.

Yammy didn’t know how to read silently, instead speaking each word softly as his eyes swept over them, “...the part of Mr. Krabs will be played by Barragan. The part of the virgin Sandy the Squirrel will be played by Orihime. The part of Squidward, Sandy’s husband, shall be played by Ulquiorra. The part of the holy baby Gary will be played by Wonderweiss. The part of the Three Wise Men, Larry the Lobster, Patrick Star, and SpongeBob Squarepants will be played by Nnoitra, Yammy, and Grimmjow, respectively… What does this mean, Nnoitra?”

“Fuck if I know,” the skinny man said, picking at his teeth with a fingernail as he looked over his paperwork.

“I don’t care, figure it out by yourself, big boy,” said the sexta while passing through pages, dropping one after another the moment he finished reading them.

Nnoitra was losing his patience, finally growling and tossing his stack of papers into the air. “I don’t care about little bat-boy’s precious ceremony. I’m not helping people find places to sit. Dordoni can do that shit. I’ll be a wise man, because, well, if the shoe fits and all, but fuck ushering. And fuck this wedding.”

“Just do what you want, is not like it matters if you are here or not,” replied Grimmjow without looking at Nnoitra's face. 

Grimmjow’s attitude intrigued the willowy bastard. “Why are you so fucking despondent, Kittycat? You jealous? You wish it was you marrying the emotionless prick?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Grimmjow looked Nnoitra over his shoulder and finished by saying “Why would I be interested in those two? I’m just searching to…” Grimmjow stayed silent for a few seconds. His cheeks colored red and continued, “To finish unsettled businesses that I have. Not your problem” After that he buried his face in the papers to hide his blushing face.

Nnoitra snickered and got back to work, trying to ignore Yammy’s muffled reading.

***

Ulquiorra arrived at the familiar door and knocked twice. “I’m coming in,” he announced before entering and closing the door behind him.

Orihime sat on her couch, staring out the window, deep in thought. She didn’t say anything.

“I’ve upset you,” he said. 

_ Duh, _ Orihime thought to herself. She wasn’t going to say it, though.

“Do you wish to discuss what troubles you?”

“No.”

“Fine. I would like to inform you, however, that I intend to serve in my new role as your husband to the best of my capability. Lord Aizen wills it, and so it shall be done.”

Orihime sighed. “Of course you’d say that.”

He approached and stood in front of her, forcing her to look at him. “Of course I would. Why would I not? Have I not always served him? Have I not always carried out my orders to protect you? To serve your needs?”

She blushed and looked to the side, nodding.

A very quiet sigh passed his lips. “Well? Why does this displease you?”

She looked at him then, her brow slightly pinched. “I’m not displeased, Ulquiorra. I’m sad that you don’t care.”

“You know not what I care about, Woman,” he replied before leaving the room.

***

When Ulquiorra returned to his room, he was in rare form. “EVERYBODY OUT!” he bellowed.

Nnoitra didn’t need to be told twice as he sauntered out.

“But Ulquiorra! You said you wanted--” Yammy started.

“I’ll be opening a new channel on the server and you can give my your summary there. OUT!”

“Is not like we were here because we wanted to be,” Grimmjow yelled back. He threw all of the papers to the table and walked with his hands behind his head. “See ya, bat boy.”

***

_ <#Daddy Aizen’s Year-End Celebration> _

**Lord - 1**

Daddy Aizen

**ModSquad - 3**

SilverFoxxx

Tosen

Ulquiorra Cifer

**Princesa -1**

Orihime

**Espada - 11**

Aaron0

choose_your_name

EdgyBastard5

Grimm-chan

Lilynette

NellyBelly

Starkk

Szayel

Tierna

YummyYammy

Zommari

**Fraccion - 8**

DondoC

Emmilou

Ggio

Mila Rose

Pesche

Sung-Sun

Tesla

Yylfordt

**Numeros - 4**

Aizen’sQueen

Dordoni

Menoly

Wonderweiss

**TRASH - 1**

Luppi

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 18:43

So, I trust that all of you have your assignments read?

**Grimm-chan** today at 18:43

Yes, Ulqy-chan, we all read the spongebob thing that everybody knew.

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 18:43

I am sure that is the case. What about your roles for my wedding? I am to select a person to be my best man. Does anyone wish to volunteer?

**Grimm-chan** today at 18:43

I wonder who could it be? Maybe me? Since you invited me to your office just before this (・ωｰ)～☆

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 18:43:

Thank you, Yammy, I believe you will make an excellent best man.

**Grimm-chan** today at 18:43

（πーπ）meany 

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 18:44:

@Princesa, you are to I select a maid of honor. Please do so.

**Orihime ** today at 18:44:

Ummm, uh…

Tier? Do you want to?

**Tierna ** today at 18.44

Can I?

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 18:44:

Do not question the Woman’s authority on these matters.

**Tierna ** today at 18.44

I’ll accept the offer

Thank you, Hime.

**Orihime ** today at 18:44:

:) you’re welcome

**Tierna ** today at 18.44

I’ll try to do my best...

If I become a bother, just tell me.

**Orihime ** today at 18:44:

I’m sure you’ll only help me. I was also informed that Daddy Aizen wants Lilynette to be the flower girl. Is that okay?

**Lilynette ** today at 18:45

Yeah I’ll do it

**Aizen’sQueen ** today at 18:45:

Fuck this! @menoly, did you see this? We’re supposed to throw her a party? TWO PARTIES? WTF is a shower? I’m not getting anywhere near her jugs, especially if they’re wet.

**Ggio ** today at 18:45:

If you don’t, I will...

**Grimm-chan** today at 18:45

Ggi-chan, if u aren’t careful someone will be mad

And u don’t want to anger someone as emo as him （＾ｖ＾）

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 18:46:

I know where you sleep, Trash. But it is irrelevant. A shower is a party in which the bride is presented with gifts for daily living. There is no bathing involved. I expect you to fulfill your obligations, Loly.

**Grimm-chan** today at 18:46

Ooops, he arrived early (￣ー￣；

**Orihime ** today at 18:47:

Do I need a party like that?

**Daddy Aizen ** today at 18:47:

Oh, schnookums, you do. I need you to keep my favorite gofer happy, healthy, and entertained. You’ll need the tools to do that.

**Orihime ** today at 18:47:

Ok...

**YummyYammy** today at 18:47

Oi, why you all know bout this shite? Have you been to a lot of weddings? 

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 18:47:

They’re common practice in Soul Society and the World of the Living. Yammy, as best man, you’re expected to organize a stag party for Ulquiorra. I hope I’m invited...

**YummyYammy** today at 18:47

Organize wut?

**Orihime ** today at 18:47:

A stag/bachelor party. A boys-only party.

**YummyYammy** today at 18:47

Fuck yeah, m8 we are going to party

Gin, m8 I’ll invite u.

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 18:47:

Nice. Lmk the details

_ SilverFoxxx has disconnected _

**YummyYammy** today at 18:48

Oi, Ulq do you have any preference in women?

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 18:48:

Yes.

**YummyYammy** today at 18:48

Can u tell me? Is for the stag

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 18:48:

Isn’t it common knowledge?

**YummyYammy** today at 18:48

So you like tits of the size of your head, done

C ya at the stag

_ YummyYammy has disconnected _

**Daddy Aizen ** today at 18:48

How wonderful to see all my little busy bees working together for the benefit of the hive. Now, I want you to know that I don’t expect to be invited to the pre-parties, just the wedding. I understand you can’t let loose with Daddy there, LOL. Just let me in on any juicy secrets after the fact, okay?

**Grimm-chan** today at 18:48

OwO I’m sure Ulqy bulky would love it if u come to the stag, Daddy.

Shame Yammy already left(︶︹︺)

**Daddy Aizen ** today at 18:48

No worries, Grimmy. I wouldn’t come anyway. It’s enough to have Ulquiorra share his eyeball dust with me, isn’t that right, Ulquiorra?

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 18:49

Of course, Daddy.

**Grimm-chan** today at 18:49

What a shame, I’ll send u pics of Ulquiorra when he gets drunk. KEK (ʃƪ¬‿¬)

_ Daddy Aizen has disconnected _

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 18:49

You will do no such thing, Grimmjow. I do not drink.

**Grimm-chan** today at 18:49

That’s what everyone says, kek.（☆∀☆）

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 18:49

I think if Yammy has anything to say about it we’ll be carrying you home in pieces. You don’t mind if we get him tanked and let him fuck some Gillians, do you Pet?

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 18:49

I would do no such thing, Woman.

**Orihime ** today at 18:50

… Okay, good...

**Grimm-chan** today at 18:50

Nnoisy moisty-chan, prepare the camera (。・艸-。)-☆

**EdgyBastard5** today at 18:50

Oh, I am on it! Don’t worry lmao

**Grimm-chan** today at 18:50

Yay!!!1!≧ω≦

**Aizen’sQueen** today at 18:50

Any requests, guys? We could get the princess hammered and have her do all kinds of embarrassing shit. She’d probably do anyone who asks, anyway.

**Orihime ** today at 18:50

I would not!

**Tierna** today at 18:50

Do I have to plan a stag for you? Hime-san 

**Orihime ** today at 18:51

It’s really not necessary, although it’s called a hen night for women.

**Menoly ** today at 18:51

Oh we are * _ totally*  _ doing this. I know just the place. Crawling with adjuchas.

**Tierna** today at 18:51

I see...

Menoly-san, if you can give me the info via private message I would appreciate it.

Hime-san, I will not disappoint you.

**Emmilou** today at 18:51

We’ll help! I have the perfect outfit for you, Hime!

**Sung-Sun ** today at 18:51

Yeah… if you like looking like a two bit whore.

**Mila Rose ** today at 18:51

Oh yeah, you stuck up prude? Maybe she likes looking like a whore, did you ever think of that? Maybe Ulquiorra likes whores! Shut your mouth you don’t know anything! You like women who dress provocatively, don’t you, Ulquiorra?! Tell this prissy bitch off!

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 18:51

I have no opinion on attire. It doesn’t matter.

**Tierna** today at 18:51

I’ll leave the outfit to you girls...

Hime-san hope their help is sufficient to you.

**Orihime ** today at 18:52

Um… Okay? (please don’t dress me like a whore).

_ Tierna has disconnected _

**Sung-Sun ** today at 18:52

Don’t worry, I’ll not let these two fuck up your outfit.

**Orihime ** today at 18:52

Thank you.

_ Orihime has disconnected _

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 18:52

You  _ are _ going to dress her like a whore, though, right? I wanna see.

**Sung-Sun ** today at 18:52

Tier-sama trusted us, so I’m not going to let that happen.

She has been trying to get more connections with people, and would be awful if we let her down.

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 18:52

If she wants to make a connection, I can hook her up, if you know what I mean.

**Emmilou** today at 18:52

Eww no, she is way out of her league, buddy.

_ I do want to see her as a whore tho. _

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 18:52

Maybe you can all just get naked and make out. Just make sure somebody films it.

**NellyBelly** today at 18:52

Nnoitra, you should treat women with more respect.눈_눈

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 18:52

HAHAHAH! Look who is JELLY Nelly now. Sad that I don’t give you any attention anymore? You can always get some on your

_ EdgyBastard5 has disconnected _

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 18:52

My apologies, Nelliel. I had meant to stop him before he got to that point, but I missed. I’m on my mobile device and got a bit distracted. Apparently there is a direct message feature?

**NellyBelly** today at 18:52

He is such an asshole, ughh (¬▂¬)

And dw, Ulquiorra, concentrate in your wedding ^^

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 18:53

Naturally. Now if you’ll all excuse me.

_ Ulquiorra Cifer has disconnected _

**Ggio ** today at 18:53

Fucking finally. So if you girls are looking for some entertainment for the party, I’m available...

**Emmilou** today at 18:53

LMAO, okay dude, I’ll call u

Dw.

**Ggio ** today at 18:53

Awesome. I can dance. I have a pole and everything. I can do pretty much whatever, and I’m not weirded out by any “add-ons”

**Emmilou** today at 18:53

Hmu in dms and I’ll give you the info later.

**Szayel** today at 18:54

Omg. He’d do anything to get it wet.

**Sung-Sun ** today at 18:54

We solved one problem… I guess?

**Szayel** today at 18:54

You girls have no idea what you are in for. @Yylfordt can you believe this?

**Yylfordt** today at 18:54

LMAOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**Zommari ** today at 18:54

hey

**Dordoni** today at 18:55

No sé preocupen chicas, traeré a Chad también para que les haga compañía. 

**Zommari ** today at 18:55

… Sure. Anyway, I heard your pal Chad is coming with none other than that Kurosaki brat. That true Tosen?

**Grimm-chan ** today at 18:55

Are you talking about Ichigo? Or other members of the Kurosaki family? (/;◇;)/

**Tosen ** today at 18:55

Ichigo Kurosaki has been invited to both the wedding and the death match. This was in the informational packets.

**Grimm-chan ** today at 18:55

|ω **・）**

_ Grimm-chan has disconnected _

_ Szayel, Yylfordt, and several others have disconnected _

_ Tosen has disconnected _

**Choose_your_name ** today at 18:57

Huh? What’s going on here? Did I miss something? Why is everyone offline? Ggio! Why are you offline? Starrk? Anyone?

**NellyBelly** today at 18:57

Grandpa, never change. （＞ｙ＜）

_ NellyBelly has disconnected _


	8. What Happens in the World of the Living Stays in the World of the Living

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we have Tier's Profile Pic:

“I don’t think I should go out wearing something like this. Are you girls sure? You don’t think this is too showy, Nel?” Orihime asked, twisting her hips around to look at herself in the mirror. There was a lot of skin and not a lot of dress.

“I think you look great, Hime-chan,” Nelliel responded with a big smile and closed eyes.

Orihime grimaced. Both Nel and Tier regularly wore things that had their tits basically hanging out. They probably thought the scrap of fabric she had on was modest. “What about you, Sung-Sun? Do you think it’s too much?

Sung-Sun grabbed her chin and looked at all the details of the dress before giving an answer. “I think you should be risky for at least one time before you get married. This dress puts you on a similar level of beauty as Tier-sama.”

“Okay,” Orihime said dubiously, following the Arrancar out of her room and down the halls of Las Noches. “So where are we going?”

“Hime-san, give me a second,” Tier got a piece of paper of her bag, she then mumbled to herself for some seconds and said, “We are going to the World of the Living. Sung, please open a garganta.”

Her fraccion did as instructed and the group ran through the portal before arriving on a dark street. “Where are we?” Nelliel asked this time.

“This building on our right is where the people are waiting for us. Menoly recommended this place, so no need to worry.” Tercera put the paper in her bag and started walking in the direction of the building while looking anxiously from one direction to another.

Orihime’s hand slipped into Nel’s elbow and she let the taller woman lead her toward the building. “I’ve never been to a party like this before,” she whispered.

Nell smiled to the bride and answered “Don’t worry, everything will be okay.” The Espada then started walking and said to her, “You just need to trust me, okay?”

Orihime nodded as the doors opened and loud music spilled into the street. “Come on in! YEEE HAW!” a loud, familiar voice beckoned from inside.

Amazed by the sound, Sung-Sun turned her head to Emilou and asked her in confusion, “Oh shit, did you really hire him?”

The other Fracción turned her head towards Sung-Sun and hissed, “Of course I did! I was in charge of entertainment! He’s definitely spunky enough. Cute, if you don’t mind little guys,” Emilou said, smiling and waving at Ggio in a cowboy outfit… sans pants. There where chaps. There were bikini briefs. There were no pants.

“This will be fun then,” the other Fracción said, laughing loudly behind the sleeve held to her mouth. “Let’s go Hime-chan, I’m sure you will enjoy this,” Sung-Sun continued before grabbing the princess' hands and bringing her into the room.

“Oh boy,” Orihime sighed under her breath. She plastered on a fake grin and nodded to Ggio. There were other vaguely familiar faces around the place, which was filled with red velvet sofas, smoke machines, and disco balls. “So, what do I do?”

“Have a seat,” Nelliel, said, depositing the younger woman onto the plush surface of a nearby sofa. “Do you need a drink? I’m going to get you a drink. Just relax and have fun! Ggio has a surprise for you.”

Tier discreetly knelt and whispered into Orihime’s ear, “Are you having fun? Hime-san.” Tier had a bright look in her eyes while she waited for Orhihime’s answer.

She couldn’t bear to disappoint her maid of honor. Orihime grinned and nodded. “This is wonderful, Tier-sama! Thank you so much for organizing this!” 

Just then, Nel returned with a champagne glass full of something pink and bubbly. “Bottoms up! This is a special concoction in your honor, it’s called “Pink Princess” and Szayel made it up special just for you!”  
  


Orihime took the glass and raised her brows a bit, nervous to accept the drink. She took a sip anyway. “Oh, this tastes like cotton candy!” she said, eyes widening in glee as she guzzled the rest of the drink down. “Do you think I can have another one of these? It’s delicious!”

“Of course, Szayel made it specially for you, so he would be offended if you only drink one,” Nel claimed while pouring the alcoholic drink into Hime’s glass.

“Excuse me, Nel-sama” Sung-Sun said, “Can we have some of that too? Tier-sama is dying inside to know how it taste.” 

Nel smiled widely and started pouring drinks for everyone. A song came on with suggestive lyrics as she did, and Ggio came dancing towards the group with a rose in his mouth.

“Oh my god,” Orihime said softly before bursting into a peal of giggles. “What is he doing?”

“I’m doing it for you, so better watch it, Hime-chan,” said Ggio while coming closer to her. The now-western-costumed arrancar kissed her hand while doing suggestive pelvic movement and told her, “This is not part of the show, but I’ll let you touch me.” He then winked to her and continued with the dance in really close proximity to the girl who was going to be married tomorrow.

Orihime’s face turned bright red, and she pressed her lips together and flared her nostrils as she looked to Tier, trying desperately not to laugh too hard or run away or something. Her eyes were wide and pleading. “Tier! Tieeeeeeeeeeeeeer!” she hissed through clenched teeth.

Tier came closer after listening to Hime’s cries for help and asked her “Is something wrong, Hime-san?”

“He said I can touch him? Do I have to?”

“Only if you want too… Sung told me it made things more fun, but I’m not going to force you, Hime-san.”

She shrugged and looked back at Ggio, who was now straddling her legs and thrusting his crotch in the direction of her face. As awkwardly as one might imagine, Orihime pointed a finger and pressed it into the sheriff's badge on the faux-cowhide vest he wore. “There, I touched something,” she said with a lame laugh.

“Oh, are you satisfied with that? Because I think you want more” Ggio grabbed her hand and put her in contact with his glorious abs. Orihime could feel all of the movement of his pelvis only by touching the hard abdomen of the cowboy.

The corners of her lips pulled away from her teeth as she tucked her chin and an inhaled “Eeee” noise came out of her mouth. She tried to pull her hand away but Ggio had an iron grip on it. Finally she got over the shock and said, “Oh, um, Ggio, um, you’re in very good physical condition.”

“I know, I prepared myself to be in the best condition for you,” Ggio responded with a seductive smile forming on his face.

Orihime pursed her lips and took another sip of her drink. “I think I want to dance. Tier? Nel? Girls? Do you all want to dance with me? Um, you can come too, Ggio…” she added on, trying not to be rude.

“Perfect timing Orihime-chan, another surprise person is just arrived in the next room, so we can move on. Ggio, you can come with us if you want.” Emmilou answered the princess while looking at her phone.

Orihime sighed in relief and a genuine smile appeared on her face. She followed the other women.

At the bar, Szayel was busy on his phone.

Szayel

_ No, she’s up. They’re going into the next room. _

Ulquiorra

_ Is everything alright? Nobody is harassing her, are they? Hallibel is keeping things under control? _

Szayel

_ Yes. She’s fine. Despite being drunk and nearly naked, she is well-behaved and everyone appears to be having a nice time. Now leave me alone I have to go into the next room to follow them _.

With that, the pink-haired Espada put his phone into his pocket and grabbed a pitcher of the drinks he had mixed up and followed the girls into the next room.

As soon as the double doors to the next room opened, the loud, driving dance music quieted and the sounds of flamenco guitar filled the air. Orihime looked around in awe, surprised by the sudden change in atmosphere.

“Veo que ya están acá, gatitas” A familiar voice gritted them. Dordoni was waiting in a seductive pose close to the walls, he had a shirt unbuttoned and some really tight jeans. The hispanic arrancar approached the bride, grabbed her hand and said while doing a gracious bow. “My pleasure to help her in this important day, princesa.”

Orihime smiled and held her hand out to Dordoni, who took it and kissed the top. She giggled and looked around at her friends with a wide grin on her face, unable to anticipate what would happen next.

“Go and enjoy the dance, Hime-chan!” Nel screamed to the orange haired girl.

Before she knew what was happening, Dordoni was leading her through some complicated dance moves on the floor. All she could do was follow along. It was exhilarating, though. He really seemed to know what he was doing. 

While the bride-to-be was occupied, Ggio sidled up beside Tier and clinked his glass to hers. “So, uh, Tier, you, uh, you wanna have a seat?” the little guy offered.

Tier looked down to see the face of the person talking to her, and she blushed a bit and stuttered in her response, but the answer was a very clear “Okay.”

Ggio grinned and called out, “Szay! Another round!” before taking a seat beside Tier, casually dropping a hand on her thigh.

“Uhmm, thanks for the drink, Ggio-san.”

“No need for formalities between friends, right Tier?” he asked, bringing his lips close to her ear and letting his breath bathe the skin of her neck. “I’d like to be better friends with you, if you’re up to it.”

“Right…” Tier answered before taking another sip of her drink, “I would also like to be friends with you… Ggio.” Tier looked down with her cheeks bright, while a dark shade of red started to cover most of her face.

A smirk pulled on one side of the smaller Arrancar’s lips, and after Szayel delivered their drinks, he downed his and then swung one of his knees over the third Espada’s lap, straddling her thighs and putting his face level to hers. “I’d very much like that,” he murmured to her, bringing his face closer.

“Ggio, aren’t you too close, or is this normal for friends?” Tier asked, embarrassed by her lack of experience with relationships. 

The other side of his lips pulled up into a cocky smile and one hand came up to take off his cowboy hat, then plunked it onto her head. The other hand cupped her cheek and he whispered into her ear, “Not too close for friends like us,” before kissing her.

Tier opened her eyes in surprise of the kiss, but slowly closed them again to continue the passionate kiss that the smaller arrancar gave her.

Nel watched the pair to her left make out with a raised brow, inhaling slowly. On the one hand, _ weird pairing_. On the other hand, it was kind of nice to see the normally reserved Arrancar let loose and have some fun. She smiled and turned her attention to Orihime, who seemed to be getting tired. She elbowed Mila Rose and said, “Hey, why don’t you go cut in and let Hime take a break?”

“Uh me? Okay, never liked Dordoni, but this seems fun,” Rose answered before walking to the dancing couple, she touched his shoulder and said to him “I think it’s my turn to dance with you, querido.”

“Is it okay with you, princesa?” He asked to Orihime.

Orihime grinned at him, breathless but happy. “Yes, I think I need to rest a moment. Please have fun, and thank you for the dance, Dordoni-san!” she said, backing away slowly at first, then turning to see Ggio and Tier and clapping a hand over her mouth to laugh. She was drunk, too.

“Are you having fun, Hime-chan? Tier would like to know, but I think you saw why she can’t ask you that.” Nelliel said.

Orihime grinned at her green-haired friend and nodded. “Yeah, I was gonna say, looks like they’re having a good time. Do all guys do that kind of stuff? I mean… You don’t think… Would Ulquiorra want to…” Orihime let the question hang in the air as her lip curled a bit. Not that she would necessarily be opposed; she just could not imagine the cold Espada ever doing anything like that.

Nel giggled at the celebrated girl’s question and told her, “That’s something you will have to discover tomorrow night, Hime-chan. Apart from Nnoitra, I don’t have many men falling for me, so I never had the chance to discover it by myself.” The green-haired woman shrugged her shoulders.

Orihime nodded, wishing she knew what to ask and who to ask, but knowing it was no use. She turned to watch the dancers and felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around to see a familiar shirt covering a familiar wide chest. She looked up into a face obscured by floppy brown hair and began to jump for joy, nearly causing a wardrobe malfunction. “CHAD!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” she squealed, launching herself into her old friend’s arms.

Chad caught her with his strong arms and answered “Dordoni told me you were going to be here, and I wanted to congratulate you on your wedding with Ulquiorra.” 

“Oh! You knew? Well, I’m glad to see you,” she said, looking up into his face with a warm expression with her arms still wrapped around his waist. She didn’t notice Szayel grinning wickedly and taking pictures with his cellphone.

***

“Who the-- Grimmjow. I demand to know who this degenerate is,” Ulquiorra sneered as he showed the picture of his scantily-clad betrothed hugging a tall human in a seedy-looking bar.

“Oh shit, that’s the guy from the taco truck. Chad, I believe is his name, is friends with the girl and also prepares really good tacos.” Grimmjow said with a smile on his face while he remembered the flavour of the tacos made by the gigantic human.

Ulquiorra’s posture relaxed slightly. Well, if he was her friend, then it couldn’t be helped, perhaps. He watched Nnoitra grab the ass of some skanky-looking stripper in his lap and sighed, contemplating actually taking a drink of the foul-smelling amber liquid that sat in a glass on the table in front of him. He was bored and unhappy. Fuck it. He grabbed the glass and drained the contents in one go.

  
Wow. That made his face warm.

Wow. That made his body feel heavy.

Wow… Did he almost just smile?

His phone buzzed in his hand once more. Maybe it was Szayel again, sending him another picture of his soon-to-be wife wearing that barely there dress. He wouldn’t mind seeing that again, he thought, and the corners of his lips twitched upward as he unlocked his homescreen

  
Any pretense of contentment immediately washed away, and his companions had to brace themselves against the sudden onslaught of angry spiritual pressure he unleashed.

An extremely drunk Grimmjow fell off his feet, and screamed at him while on the floor “Dude what the fuck? I was recording you drinking for the first time and you do this shit.”

“Do one of you morons want to tell me what Ichigo-Fucking-Kurosaki is doing with his hands on my wife?!” the Espada nearly shrieked, an expression of pure rage on his face as he held the phone out for the others to see, the screen cracking under the pressure of his grip.

The big espada rested his chin on Ulquiorra’s shoulder and told him, “Mate, calm the fuck down, they are fucking friends, there is no way a dude like that can steal your wife. Specially with that haircut.”

A loud scoff. “You didn’t hear it, Yammy. You weren’t there when she _ swore _ to love him for _ five lifetimes._” Another scoff. A huff. “Do you want to go over there and help me mess shit up?”

“Dude, don’t, send Grimmjow there or some shite like that. You have to drink and enjoy the party now.” Yammy turned his head towards the espada on the floor and screamed to him “Grimmjow! You fancy the lad over there, go and see what happens?”

Ulquiorra ignored his larger comrade and marched his skinny ass over to the bar, swiping the bottle of whiskey that his drink had been poured from, then returned to where Grimmjow still laid out on the ground. He took a long pull off the bottle and then yanked the blue-haired Espada up by the collar. “You want in on this? I’m going over there with or without you.”

Grimmjow pushed Ulquiorra’s hand away and told him “I’m in, but do you know where the fuck are they?” he then tried to fix his shirt and answered Yammy’s question. “Say that I fancy him and I’ll kill you big boi, I just want to get revenge after what happened in the park the other day.”

“Whatever,” Ulquiorra interrupted, having drunk nearly half the bottle of whiskey at this point. “You’re more than welcome to join us, Yammy. I’m sure you can find your own way back to Hueco Mundo, whenever you get done with Trixie McGee, Nnoitra,” Ulquiorra said, stalking towards the exit. “And don’t tell me you can’t sense where Mister-cannot-cloak-his-reiatsu-to-save-his-life-Kurosaki is. Let’s go. Now.”

Nnoitra waved a disinterested hand at the other three as they left the bar and once they were outside, Ulquiorra took off using sonido, careful not to knock his bottle of whiskey into anything as he raced through the city toward where he sensed Ichigo.

Yammy looked at Grimmjow and shrugged before attempting to streak after Ulquiorra. He took two steps and then staggered. “Damn, Grimmjow, I think I’m drunk,” he said, backing up toward the club they had just left. “If I try sonido I’ll blow chunks all over town.”

“Yammy, you are useless, leave me this shit to me.” Grimmjow then chased after the dark haired espada that left the place some seconds before him.

***

Ggio was getting into it. His hips rocked on Tier’s legs and his hands were drifting under the fabric of her shirt, ghosting over the skin covering her ribs. “So,” he asked in a harsh whisper after breaking a kiss, “are you staying here for the night or going back to Las Noches?”

Tier, trying to recover her breath after the passionate kisses, answered with another question “What do you think I should do, Ggio?”

“I think you should come have a sleepover with me in the second tower. I really love having sleepovers with my _ best _ friends,” he purred into her ear before scraping his teeth along the shell of it. “What do you think?”

After hearing how he referred to her, she looked aside and struggled to answer, but finally she said while stuttering, “I think I’ll stay here… I’d also like having a sleepover with a friend.” 

He smiled, pulling her chin with two fingers to make her look at him again. “Good. I’ve got a room next door. We could go now…”

“But we can’t leave the girls here, we are celebrating Hime-san after all”

He glanced at the other women in the room and raised an eyebrow. Tier’s Fracción were busy doing a conga line with Dordoni, and Nel was singing karaoke with Szayel while Orihime fawned over her human friends. He turned back to look at his blonde companion with smoldering eyes, running his hands down the sides of her arms and saying, “It looks like they’re in good hands. They won’t miss us.”

“Then I’ll go with you, but first I’ll notify Hime-san about it.”

Ggio smiled at her, pecked her on the lips once, and swung his legs off of her to allow her to stand, but not before getting up and offering her a hand. It was a bit comical to see how much taller she was than him when she stood, but it didn’t deter him any, and he was surprised to find himself grateful that he only wore underwear and assless chaps. His semi-aroused state would have been otherwise uncomfortable.

Tier walked to her human friend, but before she could arrive she stumbled and fell right into her. Fortunately, neither of them fell to the floor. Ashamed about that, Tier looked at the shinigami and the other human to then return the focus of her eyes to Orihime, “Hime-san, sorry for that. Also, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go out with Ggio for a bit. Unless you oppose, then I will stay here.” Tier faced down while asking.

“No! No, please go and enjoy, Tier-sama! Thank you so much for organizing this party; I’ve had such a wonderful time!” she said, encouraging her to go.

“I’m glad you enjoyed the night, Hime-san, now if you excuse me” Tier said and then smiled at her with a smile that went from ear to ear irradiating the emotions the third espada felt. She then turned back and followed the dark haired fracción that she considered her friend. 

As soon as they were outside, Ggio felt it. He tried to play it off as being eager as he grabbed Tier’s hand and used sonido to get to his hotel.

Just as they disappeared from the club’s entrance, Ulquiorra and Grimmjow appeared. When Ulquiorra looked around and felt his former mortal enemy’s spiritual pressure, his body swayed. When he turned to look at Grimmjow, it looked like he had tears in his eyes. “Do you think we’re too late?”

“Nah we good, but most importantly, was that Tier and Ggio going into a different room than the others? Because if that’s true, good for Ggio.”

Ulquoirra sneered. “I don’t care! Except the Tercera was supposed to keep an eye on the Woman! Now she’s in there at the mercy of that _ shinigami_,” he spat the word like a curse.

“But Ulquiorra, that was fucking Tier, she nevers talks to anyone and now is going to a private room with Ggio of all people,” he said, amazed by the indifference of the fourth espada.

Ulquiorra drank the remaining contents of his bottle and then wiped his face, including his eyes, with the back of his hand that held the bottle before letting it clatter and crash to the pavement below them. He did not even bother to acknowledge what Grimmjow said, turning to the club entrance and taking an exaggerated breath before letting his shoulders sag and pulling the door open. As soon as he saw carrot-red hair, he bellowed, “ICHIGO KUROSAKI!” and promptly fell over.

The music continued, but everyone there stopped doing what they were doing at the abrupt interruption of the espada that now laid on the floor. The entire room looked at him before redirecting his eyes to a drunk Grimmjow that silently said “stupid fucking Ulquiorra, what do I do now?”

“Hi… everyone.” Grimmjow said awkwardly to lift the tension of the room.

Orihime was first to turn around. “Grimmjow! What are you doing here?” she asked with a warm smile, before seeing her fiance slumped over on the floor. “Oh!” she squealed, running over and kneeling on the ground, trying to pull him up.

Ichigo had a different reaction, his eyes narrowing on his blue-haired rival. “Grimmjow. What are you doing here?” he growled, slowly stalking toward them.

“Hi Hime and straw… I mean Ichigo, long time no see, right? Ulquiorra drank too much and wanted to see his fiancée despite me and Yammy trying to stop him-” Grimmjow gave a small kick to Ulquiorra to see if he reacted and nothing, so he continued rambling “Yammy was too drunk so he couldn’t use sonido, so I had to chase him by myself. I didn’t want to be here, but hey, I’m here. Now for the most important question, what are you doing here, Kurosaki?”

Ichigo raised his chin and smirked. “You mean you don’t know? Much to my surprise, Orihime actually _wants_ to marry this sad clown, and I have been invited to be a guest at the wedding. After all is said and done, apparently we’re celebrating the nuptials with a good old-fashioned fight to the death and taco party. I received and engraved invitation from Aizen and everything,” he bragged, producing a heavy piece of crisp white cardstock with fine black lettering.

“Why fight to the death when we are celebrating? Let’s just drink some more and enjoy the celebration.” Grimmjow approached Orihime and put his arm over her shoulders, “What are you drinking, princess? That smells fun.”

Orihime knelt on the floor with Ulquiorra’s head and shoulders propped up against her body, and gave Grimmjow a tense smile before answering, “It’s Princess Potion or something like that, Szayel’s mixing it up. It’s good, go try some.”

“Sounds cool, I’ll try it. By the way, did Ggio and Tier leave the room to go somewhere more private?”

Orihime’s eyes narrowed conspiratorially, and she didn’t even notice when her arms snaked around Ulquiorra’s neck, pressing him to her as she leaned forward a bit to lower her voice and inform Grimmjow, “Well, they were getting pretty hot and heavy before you guys got here. She asked to leave to go somewhere with him. I think they might have made a love connection or something like that.” She giggled when she stopped.

“Fuck, that’s some crazy shit. Aizen will like hearing that.” Sexta let a small laugh out and tried to calm Orihime “Don’t worry about him, it’s just the first time he drank and the maniac drank 2 bottles of tequila in less than 10 minutes.”

“Aww,” Orihime cooed, running her fingers through Ulquiorra’s inky black hair absently. “Tonight was the first night I ever drank, too. I guess I can handle my liquor better, although I have no idea what was in this drink,” she admitted.

  
Ulquiorra groaned softly, nestling his head between her breasts and then snoring softly. 

Orihime chuckled. “Guess he’s comfortable.”

“Well, hope the dumbass doesn’t do this tomorrow, we need him for the play,” Grimmjow muttered, then walked to the bar, but tripped himself with the sleeping body of Ulquiorra, which made him fall right into the chest of his beloved Kurosaki-san, and dropped both into the floor.

Ichigo glared at him. “Uh, Dude. Your knee is crowding my dick.”

Grimmjow stayed silent for some seconds that felt like hours for him, staring right into the dark eyes of Ichigo. When he realized what had just happened, he stood up immediately and told Kurosaki, “Sorry about that, the drunk dumbass made me trip.” He then turned around and walked with his head down to hide his red face. 

If Grimmjow had been brave enough to look, he would have seen a trace of a smile cross Ichigo’s face, and a knee loll back and forth, leaving his junk out on display. Ichigo watched the blue-haired Espada walk away for a bit and then called out, “Hey, Grimmjow, see you after the wedding!” smirking before getting up to rejoin Chad.

Grimmjow drank an entire glass of the drink made by the pink-haired scientist and answered, “What do you want to do after that? Do you want to order a pizza? Because if that’s the case, I’ll tell you that I don’t work on Sundays.”

Ichigo turned around slowly. “Good thing we’re having tacos. I plan on having your ass, Grimmjow. Later,” he said, leading the way out of the club with Chad on his heels.

Before the big guy could leave, he turned to the group and gave a thumbs up, before saying, “I hope you like carne asadas.”

“Wait, what?! What do you mean by that, Ichigo?” The sixth espada screamed while his face expressed confusion and embarrassment at the same time.

Nel walked over to her confused colleague and crossed her arms under her tits as she stood shoulder to shoulder with him. “Don’t you ever read? He means he’s going to beat you at Aizen’s fight. You’re scheduled to fight him tomorrow, after the wedding. You two are the entertainment.”

“Wait… what the fuck? Why nobody told me that?” 

Nel, Szayel, Dordoni, and the three Fraccion spoke in unison as they barked, “IT WAS IN THE INFORMATIONAL PACKET!”

Grimmjow put his palm on his face while he shook it, he couldn’t believe that Yammy didn’t mention such an important detail like that.


	9. A Nice Day for a White Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SilverFoxxx's PFP:

Las Noches was a big place; everyone knew that. Still, it surprised Ulquiorra that he had never been to or heard of this place before. Why would he? What use did an Espada have for a wedding chapel? Why in any universe would Aizen have built one here? Was it possible…

Of course it was possible that Aizen had planned this all along. Wasn’t that his thing? He knew everything; he planned _ everything _?

Ulquiorra sighed. If he was being honest with himself, he was a bit discouraged. If this had simply been something that Aizen had always planned, then the Woman probably had no personal motivation for agreeing to this marriage. His lips pressed into a straight line as he frowned over this idea, when a buzz alerted him to an incoming message.

Opening the lockscreen on his phone, Ulquiorra brought up a message from Szayel. Odd; the pink-haired arrancar rarely reached out to him.

  * _Hey, Ulquiorra, you are so, *so* precious. Take a look._

Ulquiorra scrolled down to see a photo of himself passed out on Orihime’s lap, head resting peacefully on her bust. He looked so serene. 

Ulquiorra’s eyes darted from left to right before he saved the photo to his phone’s library and then zoomed in. If he was a smiling sort, he would have had a very fond version of that expression on his face.

He stared at the photo for several minutes, the jacket of his freshly pressed uniform left open as he fell into a daydream about being in Orihime’s arms and _ not _ completely unconscious.

“So it appears that you have a heart, Ulquiorra-chan,” a familiar voice came from behind the espada. The speaker took a few steps forwards and revealed himself as the shinigami named Gin. “What are you going to do with it, Cuarta?” Gin came closer to him and inclined his head while his silver hair fell to the side.

“What am I going to do with what, Ichimaru?” Ulquiorra answered with his own question, tilting the screen of the phone away from the shinigami.

Gin giggled a little bit before putting his arm over Ulquiorra's shoulders, of Ulquiorra and putting his face even more close than before. “Don’t act like that, I saw the photo of you and Hime-chan that someone sent you.” Gin giggled a bit more and then stared at him with his usual smile.

Ulquiorra scoffed and slipped the device back into his pocket. “What of it? It was simply a photograph from last night. I had a bit to drink and fell asleep. Apparently the Woman felt compelled to not allow my head to remain on the ground. I do not know, nor do I care, about her motivations. If that will be all…”

Gin lifted his arm and positioned himself in front of the fourth espada and continued asking, “If it was nothing at all, why did you have to hide it? I see that you are not that good at lying.”

The hollow’s green eyes narrowed slightly. “I’m not hiding it. I have a ceremony to prepare for, so I put it away.”

Gin opened his eyes slightly and show the blue that his usual look hid, then closed them again and walked towards the door while telling Ulquiorra, “Well, I’m gonna go and tell Orihime about it if you don’t care. Good luck with the marriage.” When Gin stepped foot out of the place he waved his right hand without looking back.

Ulquoirra swallowed, turning to look at himself in the mirror. He didn’t need any more interruptions, he thought as he zipped up his jacket and straightened the sleeves. He picked up the piece of note paper he had written some vows on. Aizen had told him they were expected, and gave him some examples from ceremonies in the World of the Living to use as a reference. Ulquiorra had spent the days leading up to last night’s party writing them, and he wanted to be sure that he didn’t forget any of his lines. He was deep in thought when the door to the dressing room he occupied opened again.

“Ulquiorra, I see you are here,” another familiar voice was heard entering the room. This time the interruption was made by none other than Lord Aizen himself who came fully dressed for the occasion. He approached Ulquiorra, giving him a proud look, and said “I hope you are ready for this.”

“I am, Lord Aizen. I understand that after the ceremony is completed, there is going to be a taco banquet and then Orihime’s personalty will be moved to my quarters and we are to remain there until the Nativity play? We will miss the fight to the death. Is there a purpose for our confinement?”

“Yes, exactly as you said.” Aizen then adjusted his hair and continued talking “Ulquiorra, I don’t have experience with marriage, did you know that? No need to answer; that was a rhetorical question. I do have experience with one thing though, and that is with women. Women are like supermarkets; they are full of random things, and you need to take some to live. Did you understand?”

“Not at all, Lord Aizen. Truly, you have a dizzying intellect," Ulquiorra deadpanned.

Aizen put his hand on the shoulder of Ulquiorra and told him, “You will understand after some years of living with the princess.” Aizen then smirked and left the room without saying anything else.

Ulquiorra blinked several times. This day was just becoming more confusing. It would be better to just go out there and get this thing over with. He marched over to the door Aizen had just exited, only to be pushed back in by Yammy’s bulk.

“Oi mate, how’s the big day goin’?” the big muscles man asked after hitting Ulquiorra by accident.

“Uh, great. Is everything ready? Can I go out there now?” Ulquiorra was getting impatient.

“Nah, your lass still is getting ready for the weddin’, also we have to wait for all the guests to arrive. It's kinda hard for the ones that live in other worlds to come here,” answered Yammy before taking a seat on the couch in the room.

Ulquiorra took a deep, irritated breath and sat down. “Fine. Tell me about how the preparations for the play are going. Have you managed to master the character of Patrick Star yet?”

“Lad, you have a nice couch here, it's really comfy, and yeah, it's like I was born to play the role, so all good there,” the big espada replied and stretched his limbs while still on the couch, then continued answering, “The preparations are going great. Apart from the food, and your lass, everything is ready.”

“Great. Maybe someone can pop in on her and find out what is holding everything up.”

***

“Wow, this thing is tight,” Orihime said, wincing as the final button on her dress was hooked on properly. “Who picked this dress out?” she asked Tier.

Before Tier could say anything, one of her fracciones interrupted, “Rose, I told you we should have asked her size before buying the dress. Now she is going to feel suffocated during the ceremony.”

Rose immediately answered Appaci's accusations, shouting, “Bitch! You were the one who was supposed to do that, I’m here doing her hair right now.” 

“Please, don’t fight,” Orihime interrupted. “Am I almost ready yet?”

Sung-Sun helped the princess in distress and told her partners, “Don’t concentrate on that, what is done is done.” She then turned her head towards Orihime and answered, “In a minute we'll be ready, Rose only needs to finish the final details with your hair and we are done.”

Orihime gave her a tense smile and looked at herself in the mirror as Mila Rose worked on her hair. Her eyes scanned the other occupants of the room reflected in the mirror. She was nervous. She had an idea about what to expect after the taco party, but she wasn’t sure. She needed some advice. “Um, I hate to embarrass anybody, but does anyone know if Ulquiorra has ever dated anyone before? Or like, what he might expect… for tonight?” 

She wished the ground would swallow her up, she was so embarrassed by her own words.

“L-M-A-O, no, that loner has never touched a woman that wasn’t you, so don’t be worried about that, Hime-chan,” Mila Rose expressed after Orihime's question.

“I don’t know what he would expect, but the only one who has experience with that is Tier-sama, so you should ask her”, the calm Sung-Sun answered.

Orihime’s brows rose and she turned her face to the tall blonde. “Well? Can you give me any pointers?” she asked hopefully.

“.....” Tier didn’t say anything for the first few seconds. She turned red and tried to hide her face with the high-collar of her clothing, but since she wasn’t wearing her arranacar outfit, she couldn’t do it. The espada then stuttered a bit and mumbled in such a low voice that she couldn’t be understood.

“What? I can’t hear you,” Orihime said, not letting the pressure off of Tier at all.

Harribel cleared her throat and answered Orihime, “Well, first you are um… take your clothes off while you kiss and umm… you have to be on a bed naked, kinda.” 

“Come on, Tier-sama, tell us more.” Mila said while looking with interest at her boss.

“Well, he then puts his thing in yours, and you have to move… and it hurts a bit at first, but then it feels nice. Ah... he might grab your chest while doing it or you might kiss. There is not much else I can say, Ggio did most of the work there.” Tier then brought her knees to her chest and hugged them to protect herself from the looks of the other girls in the room.

“You guys had sex?!” Orihime squeaked, honestly shocked.

“Yes,” the shy espada responded while burying her face into her legs.

“And it wasn’t awful?”

“No,” she denied while moving her head from left to right, “It was actually quite fun.”

Orihime’s shoulders relaxed a bit. “I’m not that worried, to be honest. I am pretty sure he’ll just want to drink tea and go to sleep. That’s all he ever does when he visits me, anyway. Sleeps on the couch and drinks some tea. Honestly, I don’t know why he agreed to marry me,” Orihime said, finally feeling friendly enough with a group of people to let her complaints be heard.

Appaci, who was sitting on the couch after helping with the dress, told the princess, “Maybe he is the type of guy who will wait until marriage. I’m sure he can’t resist that much without doing anything with such a cute and hot wife like you.”

“Totally, If I was a man I would have tried to date you along time ago, Hime-chan” Mila added to Appaci's remarks.

Orihime blushed. “Um, thanks. Are we ready?” she asked, too nervous to wait around anymore.

“Let me finish this… One second… And ta-da! We are done, Hime-chan! How does it look?” Mila exclaimed and asked while raising her arms similarly to a magician finishing a trick.

“It looks great,” Orihime said, turning her face from side to side and admiring the work. “So now we just go to the other room. You’re supposed to go first, Lilynette,” Orihime said to the bored-looking youngster in the corner.

“Finally!” Lilynette exclaimed before jumping to her feet from the couch where she was sitting. “Where was that room again?” she asked excitedly.

“Right outside,” Apacci grumbled, throwing the door open. “Go, and make sure you toss some extra flowers in Ggio’s direction, okay?”

“Why Ggio? Has he done something to our bride?” Lilynette tilted her head in confusion. 

“No, he made Hallibel-sama happy, though! Now go!”

“Okay, as you order captain.” Lilynette gave her a military salute and marched down the corridor. When she arrived, she walked down the aisle, throwing flowers to all the guests, and when she saw Ggio there, she screamed “This is from Hallibel!” and threw a ton of flowers in his direction. After that, she continue doing what she was meant to do.

At the end of the aisle, Yammy looked at Ulquiorra and nudged him with his elbow. “Why is she spraying garden debris at all the guests?” he whispered.

“It’s a World of the Living thing, Yammy. I don’t get it, either. Just act like everything is normal,” the emotionless arrancar replied.

“Can I take the garden debris later? I’m sure Kukkapuro will like it... unless it's like a thing I can’t touch. It would be bad if I get cursed by one of those things.”

“Who knows. Maybe ask Szayel, first,” Ulquiorra said, watching as Hallibel came down the aisle a bit after Lilynette. “Is this all necessary, do you think, Yammy?” he asked, making rare conversation in order to distract himself from his anxiety.

“I kinda like it, mate. Seeing everyone so happy, including you and Tier, is something we don’t get to see that much round here.”

“Hmm,” Ulquiorra said, then went silent. Orihime had entered the room. She looked like herself, but in a longer, more fitted dress and with her hair up. He liked the effect.

Yammy elbowed Ulquiorra again and said, “She’s looking fit, lad, you got lucky with her.”

Ulquiorra simply nodded. Orihime approached, making brief moments of eye contact, but mostly keeping her eyes downcast; long dark lashes brushing against rosy cheeks.

When she reached him, she stepped to his side and looked up at Tosen, who was officiating this thing. The blind guy cleared his throat and began to speak, and almost immediately everyone was bored. He droned on and on for what felt like forty-five minutes, although it was probably closer to ten. Finally, the shinigami stopped talking and instructed Ulquiorra to take Orihime’s hands in his.

He swallowed hard. This was going to be awkward, but he turned to her and did as Tosen said.

Her palms were sweaty.

Tosen didn’t give them a long time to worry about, though, demanding that they recite their vows to one another. He told Ulquiorra to go first.

The groom had to clear his throat, but when he spoke, it was with his regular, passionless voice. “Woman, I was given a set of parameters in which to work, and examples to reference, in the process of drafting these vows. In the end, I found that the sentiments expressed in those examples were not sufficient to explain how your presence has changed me. I asked you many times, before my unfortunate death and inexplicable resurrection, “What is the heart?” As I was dying and you reached for me, I understood the answer to that question. I envy because of the heart, I glutton because of the heart, I covet because of the heart, I am prideful because of the heart, I sloth because of the heart, I rage because of the heart, Because of the heart, I lust for everything about you. I vow to maintain this fixation on you until your natural death.”

Orihime’s eyes widened and she blinked a few times. Those vows were a bit on the heavy side. Her lips parted a bit as she processed his words, until she was prodded by Tosen to take her turn.

Aizen had not prepared her for this.

“Ulquiorra, um, I don’t know exactly why we’re getting married now, but I want to do it anyway. Since we met, we have had an awkward relationship, but you’re the person I’m closest to, and I want that to continue. I don’t want to let go of the, um, _ unique _ bond that we share, so I guess that means I will be your wife.”

With that, Yammy produced rings which were exchanged and Tosen pronounced them Mr. and Mrs. Fourth Espada.

“TACO TIME!” Yammy shouted, pushing the newlyweds out of the way to get down the aisle to the banquet hall.

“Yammy, we didn’t get the fucking kiss!” screamed Mila Rose after standing up off her chair in fury.

Tier wrung her hands, flustered. “Um, Orihime-san, if you want to, I can make everyone sit back down…”

“No, it’s okay, Hallibel-sama. We can all have tacos first, unless you want to--”  
  


“Whatever you want shall be accommodated, Wife,” Ulquiorra said. “Do you want tacos?”

Honestly, she did want a taco. It had been years. “Let’s go, then, she said, finally smiling at him.

Yammy pushed the happy couple and dragged them to the salon where the food was waiting for them and all the guests. Inside, Dordoni screamed, “La comida está lista, Mr. and Mrs. Cifer.” He opened his arms and invited the rest of the guests to pass.

Ichigo was already there, standing near Chad, having a chat with a taco in each hand. As Dordoni made his announcement, the substitute shinigami turned and looked at his high school friend with a smile. “Looking good, Orihime! Congratulations.” His smile tapered off a bit to more of a maniacal expression when he saw Grimmjow come in behind the happy couple. 

“There’s my opponent, Chad. I cannot wait for this,” Ichigo growled.

Grimmjow blushed at first when he saw his romantic interest in the room looking at him, but then he slapped himself in the face twice and he returned to normal. The espada approached Ichigo and offered him a challenge, “What if we don’t wait until the fight to compete?!”

Ichigo rolled his eyes. “Whenever you want, I’m ready to go. After I’ve finished these bad boys, though,” Ichigo snarled in response, referring to his tacos.

“Uh uh uh, not so fast, Grimmy-baby,” Aizen said, putting a hand on Grimmjow’s shoulder and pulling back. “I won’t have my arena ready until after the banquet, and I won’t have you spoiling Ulquiorra’s special day. As soon as tacos are put away, he’s going away, and we’ll have the fight. Patience.”

“Aizen-sama,” the arrancar turned his head to see the impressive figure of his leader, “I was not talking about a fight, that’s why I said compete. I was talking to know who can eat more tacos.”

“Also don’t call me Grimmy baby ever again, Aizen-sama.”

“I’ll be the one who decides the nicknames around here, _ Grimmy-baby,_” Aizen said, still with that shit-eating grin on his face, but with a bit of harsh spiritual pressure flowing through his hand into the blue-haired arrancar’s shoulder. “So no more objections.” With that, Aizen walked over to talk to the new couple.

“Ulquiorra, my favorite, and Orihime, his blushing bride, what a pretty pair you two make,” he said enthusiastically. “Now, after you’ve eaten, I want you to get back to your room and get to work. I want crazy powerful baby arrancar/humans running around next year, okay? Szayel needs to study them. I wonder what will happen if I use the hogyoku on one… So many wonderful possibilities,” he said, squinting his eyes with glee before walking away.

Suddenly Orihime didn’t have much of an appetite. “Ulquiorra, I think I’m done eating.”

She didn’t have to tell him twice. He dropped his food on his plate and stood up, taking her hand and pulling her to her feet. “Then let’s go,” he said, eager to get away.

“Ahh, Aizen-sama you scared the couple away,” said the green-haired espada who was behind Aizen. Nel stepped over and grabbed Aizen by his shoulder. “Since you already ruined the taco party for them, don’t do anything else to ruin their night,” she said, then winked to Orihime.

Orihime gave Nel a shaky smile and surpassed Ulquiorra, ultimately dragging him out of the banquet hall and towards the fourth tower.

Ichigo watched them leave and promptly stuffed both of his tacos into his mouth, spilling shredded cheese and tortilla crumbles down the front of his shirt as he chewed hastily. When he finally managed to choke them down, he looked back at Grimmjow. “I’m ready if you are! Let’s do this.”

Grimmjow, without much enthusiasm, gave a bite to his taco, taking some time before swallowing it, and answered, “We can’t just do it, we need to follow the schedule.” After that he gave another bite and praised Chad for the quality. 

Chad gave him a small smile and a thumbs-up.

Ichigo scoffed and walked away, looking for someone else to talk to. He circled the room once, but didn’t really remember any of the other arrancar’s faces, except Nnoitra’s, and he really didn’t want to talk to him, so he circled back to Dordoni and Chad.

He sighed when he realized that Grimmjow was still over there near them.

“Okay, then, Mr. Rule-Abider, what is our schedule?” 

“Don’t ask me, you should talk to Aizen if you are so eager to know.” Sexta said with indifference towards him.

Ichigo rolled his eyes and looked at Chad. “Can you ask your business partner if he read the schedule? I left mine in my room back in the World of the Living.”

“Yeah, give me a second,” Chad turned and shouted to Dordoni, who was in the back of the taco truck, “Oye, ¿sabes el horario de la pelea entre Ichigo y Grimmjow?

A voice with echoed from Dordoni’s position “Aún quedan 15 minutos para la pelea.” Chad brought his eyes back to Kurosaki and answered, “In 15 minutes the fight starts, so wait patiently, Ichigo.”

“No problem,” Ichigo growled, turning an evil grin towards Grimmjow. “You ready to get your ass kicked?”

Grimmjow slammed his glass into the table and followed the threat of Ichigo with another one, “Seems like you are confident. Well, that isn’t going to last long after I leave you without teeth in one punch.”

“Ha! I know it’s been awhile since we’ve, uh, _ hung out _, Grimmjow, but I didn’t know you’d become a comedian during our separation. I can’t believe you’re actually going to go for round two against me. You have no hope for survival.”

Grimmjow grabbed Ichigo by his shirt and pulled him closer, their faces mere centimeters from one another. “You aren’t the only one who has gotten stronger during this time, orange boy, I will knock you out in less than 10 minutes, and that’s a promise," he snarled, then remained silent while staring at his rival’s eyes. 

Ichigo smirked, inching his toe closer to Grimmjow’s. The breath coming through his nostrils hit Grimmjow on the neck as he stared into his adversary’s blue eyes. Finally an eyebrow rose slightly. “You want to make this interesting?” he asked in a low, gruff voice.

Grimmjow was intrigued by the proposition. “What do you have in mind?” he asked, then stared at the well formed lips of the shinigami while breathing heavily out of excitement.

Ichibo raked his teeth over his bottom lip before saying, “Well, it’s not like you have money to wager, given your pizza delivery skills, so how about this: the winner gets to choose something --anything-- that he wants from the loser. No refusals.”

Sexta backed down a bit with his eyes open and eyebrows raised in surprise, he then stuttered while saying, “Anything?”

Ha. Ichigo knew he had Grimmjow right where he wanted him. He leaned an elbow on the bar of the taco truck and crossed one foot in front of the other in a lazy, confident posture as he grinned. “Yes, you heard me. Anything.”

The espada changed his expression in an instant and pushed Ichigo’s forehead with his. He smirked and told him with an arrogant voice, “It’s a deal, you can’t back down from it.”

Ichigo seemed to purr as he bit his lip and nodded. “I never back down, Grimmjow. You can take that as a promise or a threat.”


	10. Shenanigans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd here's Daddy Aizen's PFP that he made himself on picrew:

“Hey, Tier! Hey! Wait up!” Ggio hissed at the tall blonde as he followed her and everyone else outside to the arena that Aizen had erected just outside Las Noches for this death match. He wasn’t sure, but he felt like Tier had been avoiding him all day after their encounter. He didn’t understand why. Had she not had a good time?

Tier turned to see who was calling him, but at the moment she saw that was Ggio, she tried to act like she didn’t notice him. Unfortunately for the espada, her body froze so she couldn’t get away. “Hi, Ggio-san,” she exclaimed with shame in her tone. 

“Hi, um,” he was suddenly at a loss for words. She didn’t seem happy to see him. He cleared his throat and gathered his courage before saying, “Um, well, if you want to talk about what happened, we can. Otherwise, would you like to watch the match with me?” he asked, more meekly than he would have liked.

“Um… um…” the words didn’t come out of Tier’s mouth, despite wanting to agree. Her body started shaking and cold sweat appeared on her hands. After some seconds of uncomfortable silence, she finally managed to say yes, and after saying that her body relaxed, her shoulders dropped, and she could finally move again.

He managed a shaky smile, then grabbed her hand before leading the way to the grandstands.

Menoly looked at Loly with impossibly wide eyes. “Did you _ see _ that?!” she hissed, pointing toward Ggio and Tier. “Is she slumming it?!”

“Oh my god! she finally decided to open herself up, why with Ggio though? He is extremely short and not even that powerful.” Loly scratched her head trying to figure out what she just saw. “Should we follow them?” she said after giving up in the thinking department.

“Duh,” Menoly replied, smiling and grabbing Loly’s hand so that the pair of them could dart through the crowd after the new couple.

***

Inside the fourth tower, Orihime was pacing nervously. “Do you think they’ll be okay? I don’t want either of them to die,” she said, wringing her hands while chattering on about Ichigo and Grimmjow. She was only partially aware that she did this in an effort to suppress her nerves about other more pressing issues; ones about what was going to happen in this room.

“Woman, really, I know Kurosaki is your former comrade, but do you really care what happens to either of them one way or another? They are trash,” her husband replied, sitting on the end of his bed and trying not to get frustrated.

Orihime’s face swung towards him violently. “Of course I care! They are my friends!”

Ulquiorra could have laughed. He got up and approached her, taking her chin between two fingers. “This conversation sounds familiar,” he said, looking down into her eyes. “Do you remember worrying about Rukia Kuchiki as she nearly died? Do you remember what happened then?”

Her brows smoothed out as the memory assaulted her. He had told her that Rukia was dead, or at least would soon be dead, and that none of her friends’ lives mattered, and she should be angry with them for coming to save her when it was sure that they were on their way to their own doom. Then she slapped him. Why would he bring that up now?

“What do you mean, Ulquiorra?” she asked in a guarded tone.

Then, it happened. Ulquiorra Cifer, fourth espada, demon and unquestioning, unfeeling minion of Lord Aizen’s army, _smiled_.

Orihime’s mind could not process this. But if she thought he had blown her mind with that, she was not prepared for what he would say next.

“I mean, Wife, that I was wrong, then. I may be wrong, now. Do not worry. Your friends will be fine. Come. Let the fools worry about themselves.”

***

“Welcome, my dear Arrancar! Today, in honor of me, Sousuke Aizen, sovereign of Las Noches, and in the spirit of the co-opted holidays we will be celebrating from here on out on an annual basis, we will enjoy a fight to the death! This fight is a story of second chances and redemption. Our dear brother, Grimmjow, lost to Ichigo Kurosaki years ago. Will today be the day that he has his revenge? Or will that freak of nature once again be so O.P. that our little Grimmy-poo will have no chance? Only one can be the victor. Betting windows close in one minute, so everyone get to your seats, and when the time runs out, we shall begin,” Aizen announced and sat down, Loly and Menoly flanking him with binoculars laser-focused on Tier and Ggio.

“Umm… how was your day? Ggio-san” Tier asked out of desperation; she couldn't think of anything else apart from what happened last night, and the pressure of being with him without talking was too much for her.

“It was wonderful, until you had to leave, and then it was torture until I saw you leaving the banquet hall. Tier, please be honest with me. Do you regret what happened?” he said, cracking under the pressure of what wasn’t being said.

Hallibel faced down to avoid looking at him while her face turned into a disaster because of her anxiety. She remained silent and tried to figure out what to say to the person to her left. “It isn’t…” she started a sentence that she couldn’t finish; she felt a knot in her throat that didn’t let her talk.

Ggio considered just cutting his losses. She certainly didn’t seem like she wanted to talk to him or really have anything to do with him. He sighed, and was about to stand, when he realized he didn’t have anything much to lose if she decided to humiliate him. She was the third Espada and he had boned her. Even if she tossed him into a vat of boiling oil, he still had that. Potential rejection be damned. He decided to just allow her her silence and sit, holding her hand as he had been, to silently watch the fight.

Before he acted on his decision, Tier made one of her own. “Don’t leave,” the third espada mumbled before she grabbed the sleeve of her companion. Tier swallowed and looked at Ggio face to face, “I don’t dislike you, Ggio-san, is just… it’s just that this is my first time doing this type of thing, so I don’t know what to do.” When she realized what she just said, her entire face turned red and she pulled Ggio close to her, burying her face into the shoulders of the fracción. “Can you... stay here for a while? I... don’t want people seeing me like this,” the espada asked in a moment of weakness after almost seeing her first friend leave her because of her lack of social abilities.

Ggio was speechless. He looked down on the top of Tier’s golden head and nodded slowly. After swallowing a few times, he said, “Of course, Tier. I’ll stay as long as you like.” Slowly he sat on the bench next to her and slipped a hand behind her back.

Tier, happy with Ggio’s answer, hugged his arm while still not looking at him. “Can I stay here?” she asked before taking a long breath and continuing, “My cheeks are red and I don’t want people to see me like this.” She then moved her body on the seat to avoid being seen by an angle she wouldn’t expect.

He smiled slightly, pleased by this turn of events, and looked ahead at the preparations for the fight. He was proud to have a companion like her at his side. After a moment or two, feeling full of himself, he turned his head towards her ear and murmured with a slight growl in his tone, “I don’t mind how people see us, as long as you don’t. I think I’m breaking hearts right now, though.”

With hesitance she asked “Why? I don’t think they mind us being friends” 

That took the wind out of his sails, and he exhaled slowly. Friends, huh? Oh well. He had to admit to himself that there was no way he could have any reasonable expectation to be anything more with her. She was too powerful to consider a fraccion. “You’re right. I’m sure you’re right,” he said, looking forward again as Grimmjow entered the arena. His chest felt heavy.

Behind them was an amazed Loly, who didn’t scream, but she was jumping out of her seat and shaking her arms like if she just saw her team winning the world cup, she grabbed her fellow Aizen stan, Menoly, and silently said while shaking her “Did you see that? Tier and Ggio are a couple.”

“No, there is absolutely no way that that is true! I know I’m seeing it but I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!” Menoly hissed in return, then broke out of Loly’s grasp. “I have to document this,” she said, taking out her phone and taking a picture. She was tempted to post it right away, but she wanted to wait until more people were online.

“O M G… the server will fucking explode when you send it, for real, it’s going to be insane.” Loly spat with ecstasy, rubbing her hands and imagining the reaction of the other citizens of hueco mundo.

“I cannot wait!”

***

“REPRESENTING THE WORLD OF THE LIVING AND SOUL SOCIETY, WE HAVE ICHIGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO KUROOOOOOOOOOOOOSAKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!”

A round of boos rang through the stadium. Except for Nel. She was cheering her fool head off for both competitors. As the sound of “Number One” started playing all over the stadium, filling the crowd with excitement, the shinigami came out wearing the torn shinigami uniform of his bankai and a luchador’s mask with the design of his hollow’s mask.

“Chad! Are you sure this is absolutely necessary?” Ichigo whined. He didn’t like how the mask obstructed his vision slightly. Plus, it was hot.

“Ichigo, you got the best part of the deal, you need to see how Grimmjow is dressed,” his stoic friend replied to the Ichigo’s complaints.

“Why, what is he wearing,” Ichigo asked, trying to sound disinterested as he looked across the arena, squinting. I was a huge space.

On Grimmjow’s side, Yammy stood, watching the blue-haired espada stretch and frown at his ensemble. He was in his released form; Pantera’s influence lengthening his hair and toes and changing the color of his skin, but on top of all of that he wore an electric blue singlet with jaguar spots, which had a hole for his tail to poke through. On the front of the singlet, over his abdomen, was a thought bubble with the word, “Nya!” written in puffy hot pink lettering, which matched the glittery pink ribbons tied to the end of his tail.

The panther had a deadpan expression on his face. He raised his hand to the height of his torso, and with a soulless voice he asked his larger friend, “Excuse me, what the fuck is this, and why I should wear it?”

“You are gonna wear it and you are gonna like it. That’s what Szayel said when he gave it to me, but I’ll tell you wot, Grimmjowr, you look like some kind of birthday cake,” Yammy said, holding back a laugh.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how I’m supposed to look in a fight, Yammy.” He grimaced in anger and a vein on his forehead was popping out. Grimmjow grabbed Yammy by the collar of his shirt, “Why am I supposed to look like a clo--.” Before the arrancar could finish his sentence, he was interrupted by the announcer of the match, who screamed, “AND ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE ARENA, THE SIXTH ARRANCAR, GRIMMJOW THE “PANTERA” JAEGERJAQUEZ!!!!!!!!” as “Blue “ by Eiffel 65 played in the background.

The crowd erupted in applause and hollering, and then Aizen stood and raised a hand for silence. At first, not many paid any attention, but then he allowed just a sliver of his reiatsu to seep through his hand, and suddenly all present were pressed to the ground, as though gravity had suddenly increased by hundreds. He relented after a beat and announced, “My minions! The next step in our inaugural Hueco Mundo Holiday Jubilee Celebration is this fight to the death. The rules are simple; fight until one of you dies, or until you are both incapacitated. After this we can all have cake and ice cream and tomorrow we are doing our nativity play so please everyone remember to not stay up too late, mmkay?”

A bell rang and Chad pushed Ichigo. He scoffed at his friend and rose into the air, waiting in the center of the arena, and calling, “Here, kitty kitty!”

Grimmjow ignored him and faced Aizen to ask him “Can I take this off? It’s really not helping me move, or anything.”

“No, Grimmy-baby. Do you remember your battle cry?” He asked, voice lilting in evil anticipation.

“Ughhh… Give me a second.” Grimmjow grabbed the bridge of his nose and shook his head in disappointment. He mumbled to himself, “I’m going to kill everyone after this”, and then he stood up straight, extended his hand and put it at the height of his waist while he moved it to the side of the hand, repeated the same movement but in the other side, spun with one leg up like a ballerina, stopped, put his hands like the paws of a kitty, stuck his butt out and said with the lowest voice he could “Nya, nya, nya, Nya nya nya, Pantera is going to win.” Grimmjow stayed without saying anything as Aizen told him while the entire arena was laughing and cheering at him, his face went from a soulless smile to an angry grimace while he waited for the time to pass.

Ichigo watched him and the color drained from his face. He realized he had no choice. He was going to have to kill Grimmjow for the Espada to be able to regain any semblance of dignity that might remain in his cursed soul. He sighed and shook his head, drawing his zanpakuto, and pulling it in an arc over his head, shouting, “Getsuga Tensho!”

The attack caught Grimmjow by surprise so the only option he had was to resist it. He put his arms crossed as an X in front of his face and tried to repeal it as soon as possible. The spiritual energy was dispersed, thanks to Grimmjow’s strength, but harmed him in the process. His arms were bleeding and a big part of the singlet was ripped apart thanks to the Getsuga Tensho. “I suppose I have to thank you for that, Ichigo,” he shook his arms with dismissiveness and followed, “Now that I’m ready, come for me, shinigami!” 

“My pleasure, Grimmjow,” Ichigo said, flashstepping towards his opponent and crossing blades with his hierro. “You should just give up. Even if you win, you lose. No one is going to forget how ridiculous you look.”

  
  


“You think I don’t know that? After this I’m going to kill everyone who reminds me of this.” The Arrancar deflected zangetsu with his claws and tried to hit Ichigo with a roundhouse kick, but the shinigami managed to evade it. “Die soon, because I need to take care of bigger things.”

Ichigo flipped over Grimmjow’s head, landing behind him. “And what do you have on your calendar that is more pressing than this?” he whispered into his ear, poking the edge of his sword into Grimmjow’s back.

Grimmjow grabbed the shinigami’s katana with his left hand and pulled it to put him in his range. Ichigo stumbled, and thanks to the espada’s agility, he was able to position behind him. Grimmjow wrapped his arms around Ichigo’s abdomen, pressed hard, and before suplexing him, he responded to Ichigo’s whisper with one of his own. “Nothing that should matter to you, little shinigami.” He then lifted Ichigo and arched his back, making the shinigami land neck first to the ground. Thankfully for Ichigo, he managed to roll back and avoid the full impact of the move.

Still, Ichigo was stunned. Not only from the force of the trauma, but from the lingering goosebumps and feeling of self-consciousness he had from feeling Grimmjow’s breath on his ear. He was slow to rise.

Grimmjow took the opportunity of being the active one in the fight and jumped towards Ichigo with his claws extended to their fullest. Because of the dizziness, Ichigo didn’t see it coming, and got his mask ripped apart and a cut that went from his left cheekbone to the tip of his lip. Ichigo backed down and cleaned the blood from his face with his sleeve. The espada didn’t leave him room to breathe and attacked him again, but this time the claws were a feint. He then did a front flip to hit his opponent with his tail, the hit strong enough to make Ichigo fall again.

This time Ichigo managed to react while falling and used his zanpakuto to slash the torso of his long-time rival, forcing him to back down. Ichigo used his free hand to impulse himself backward and stood on his feet while his opponent was kneeling in front of him.

“You bastard, to think you will be able to do a cut like this again. I’m tired of getting scars on my chest from you,” Grimmjow said while gasping for air, touching the blood that dripped from his pectorals, and spreading it all over his abs trying to clean his hand.

“I wouldn’t have to, if you would just talk to me about your feelings, Grimmjow! Why do you keep doing this!? It’s like you are hellbent on self-sabotage!” Ichigo shouted, still a bit delirious. “Can’t you see that everyone is rooting for you? Why do you have to be so self-destructive?!”

Grimmjow shocked by what Ichigo said took a step back and leaned his body in the same direction. His cheeks got red, and he shouted while stuttering “What do you mean? Rooting for me in what?? I don’t get what the fuck you are talking about?!”

There was silence for a moment, until a loud masculine sobbing from the crowd was heard. “It’s just so beautiful! Can’t you see that you’re in love with each other!? Kiss him, you fool!” Charlotte Chuhlhourne cried in an emotive voice.

“Lo-lo-love him?” Grimmjow fell back and crawled away from his opponent, he then pointed at Ichigo and screamed “I DON’T EVEN LIKE HIM, HE IS A STUPID IDIOT!” Grimmjow inflated his cheeks and averted his gaze.

“You’re right! He’s a stupid idiot, Itsyugo!” Nel screamed, leaping from her seat and rushing towards the shinigami. “Nel loves you! Not stupid nyan-chan catboy!”

The entire crowd fell into silence after the declaration of the former third espada, and Ichigo looked at her with disbelief. Grimmjow backed down a bit more and yelled “What the fuck are you doing, Nel?! This is a fucking death match; me and Ichigo are supposed to fight each other, but now it has turned into a love triangle?” Grimmjow appeared relieved on the surface, but after Nelliel’s words, his chest felt heavy and his heartbeat was faster. 

“What’s going on? I didn’t give up my afternoon for this horseshit!” Nnoitra entered the fighting area and started screeching at the threesome in the center. “Tesla! Come help me out, we’re ending this shit and going home!”

“Not so fast, Number Five!” this came from Pesche, followed by Dondachakka, as they came out to assist Nel. “We’re not letting you push Nel-sama around!”

  
  


“You don’t have to do anything special,” Ichigo said, rolling his eyes. “Chad! I need you!”

“Okay,” Chad ran across the battlefield to help his friend. When he arrived, he stood in front of Tesla. Chad menacingly looked at the fraccion, and without hesitation, he did a backspin and hit Tesla in the face, sending him flying a few meters away from his previous position. After that, more fracciones got involved, and it turned into a huge brawl involving humans, fracciones, Aaroniero, the threesome of lovers, Di Roy, Barragan for some reason, all of his fracciones, with the exception of Ggio, and basically everyone except him, Aizen, Tier, her fracciones and the married couple.

Aizen had been enjoying the drama as it unfolded, but as soon as that snot-nosed Nnoitra had to poke his head into it and get everyone else involved, he started to lose interest and became annoyed. He sent out a message via pesquisa, but with all the noise, it was difficult to make out, and he did not get an immediate response from the one person he wished to assist him at the moment.

So he tried a different tact.

**Lord -1**

Daddy Aizen

**Daddy Aizen **today at 17:17 

_ @ _ _ everyone _ If you know what is good for you, you’ll return to your quarters immediately. Things are about to get real cranky.

  
  


Then he did something he never thought he would do.

***

Orihime was surprised when Ulquiorra stopped what he was doing and sighed heavily. She was even more worried when he gave a very frustrated-sounding growl.

“What’s the matter? Is something wrong?” she asked in a nervous voice.

She saw movement under the sheet and after a moment, a head of disheveled black hair appeared. “Fucking Aizen. I can’t believe this,” her husband said through swollen lips.

Her eyes widened in shock. “Now? He wants you _ now?! _ I was almost--- Fuck!”

“I am so sorry. I will make it up to you. And I will make the rest of them pay.”

She took a deep breath and nodded. It wasn’t like she could do anything about it, except smirk as she watched her new husband slink out of bed and try to find his sword and hakama before blitzing out of the window.

He had left his phone down by her legs, though. She saw the DM from Aizen requesting immediate assistance in the arena.

***

Part of the chaos dispersed thanks to the message on discord, but the people who were in the center of the hurricane were too distracted to notice it. There were some getsuga tenshos and ceros flying around the arena like it was nothing, bodies were on every part of the field, and the noise made between the dozens of people fighting rumbled all over the place.

Gin noticed first, elbowing Aizen and Tosen and nodding towards the palace before the three of them left. Tier’s fraccion alerted the couple who had been watching the brawl in morbid curiosity before they left. Those remaining who could feel or see the glow of green coming their way also scattered, except the most entrenched fighters. 

The ones strong enough to survive Ulquiorra’s lanza del relámpago were shocked at what they saw and heard afterwards. 

Ichigo did a double-take. “Holy fuck. Ulquiorra, did you… Are you… Where is your belt?!” he asked the Arrancar who had returned to his unreleased form and held his pants and sword together in one hand at his front, his ass in danger of hanging out in back. 

“I don’t think it’s your concern, Kurosaki,” Ulquiorra responded, spitting out Ichigo’s name like a curse, “But you trash have displeased my bride. You will all die. Cero,” he said in a dark, poisonous voice before aiming his finger at the main grouping.

Many more scattered to avoid the attack and scrambled back towards Las Noches. Not everyone was smart enough, though.

The main trio of Grimmjow, Nelliel and Ichigo wear able to avoid the cero completely, but all were angry at the black-haired espada who attacked them, “What’s your problem?!!” the three of them screamed at the same time.

“You are ridiculous!” Ulquiorra shouted, firing cero after cero as he chased them around the arena with his pants in hand. “You couldn’t follow instructions for one afternoon? Not one!”

“It wasn’t my fault!” Grimmjow screamed. “Blame these two dumbasses that made everything about love; I just wanted to fight!” He continued evading the ceros, but the group started to fight between them.

“Is not my fault, you tried to steal Itsyugo from me, nya nya panther,” Nell jumped towards Ichigo’s back and pressed her voluptuous chest against the neck of the shinigami, “right, Itsyugo?”

“Well if Orihime decides that this interruption is enough to put a damper on our relationship, you will all learn the meaning of heartbreak quite literally and acutely. She is waiting for me. Die!” Ulquiorra snarled, unrelenting in his attacks.

“Itsyugooo… you are supposed to back me up when I say that,” the female former espada cried while still hanging on his back.

  
Grimmjow looked at them and angrily shook his hand while pointing at Nel, “What the fuck are you doing there? Get the fuck out of it and help us with this shit that you caused.”

“No, I don’t want to,” Nel answered before sticking her tongue to the blue pantera. 

Luck was on their side. Ulquiorra paused for a moment, not because he had a change of heart, but because he lost his grip on his clothing and had to scramble to prevent his hakama from plummeting to the glassy lake of obsidian that was once the ground of the arena, having been since obliterated by his lanza de whatever. 

“Now’s our chance, you guys, time to G.T.F.O.” Ichigo ground the words out, grabbing Grimmjow by the waist with one hand and Nel with the other and flashstepping back towards the palace.

When Ulquiorra looked back up and had his clothing recombobulated, he exhaled heavily. He was glad they were gone. He had a pissed off naked chick in his bed to placate.


	11. Breakfast Burritos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here we have the lovely Ggio Vega's PFP:

**Lord -1**

Daddy Aizen

**ModSquad - 3**

SilverFoxxx

Tosen

Ulquiorra Cifer

**Princesa - 1**

Orihime Cifer

**Esapada - 9 **

Aaroniero

Choose your name

EdgyBastard5

Grimm-chan

Lillynette

NellyBelly

Szayel

YummyYammy

Zommari

**Numeros - 4 **

Aizen’s Queen

Menoly

Wonderweiss

Dordoni

**Fraccion - 7**

Apacci

Ggio

Mila Rose

Sung-Sun

Tesla

Yylfordt

** _<#general_nights>_ **

  
  


**Daddy Aizen ** today at 9:12 

Good morning my children, hope everyone had a nice evening yesterday.

Specially you, Ulquiorra.

**Grimm-chan** today at 9:12

Kek, after what happened in the coliseum I wouldn’t call his evening “good”.

Or did he compensate for it? @ _ Orihime Cifer _

**EdgyBastard5** today at 9:12

I bet the emo boy ducked her brains out. She is only useful for that tbh.

Especially with all that useless extra meat in the front.

**NellyBelly** today at 9:12

Nnoitra, stop saying sexist things like that. Hime-chan is our friend and part of our family now.

**EdgyBastard5** today at 9:12

Shut up, bitch

Go and fuck your “itsyugo” you dumb meatbag.

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 9:12

Strike one, Nnoitra.

**Grimm-chan** today at 9:12

Nnoisy-chwan got jealous of not being able to lose his virginityＵ^皿^Ｕ

**Orihime Cifer** today at 9:12

Why do you ask, Grimm-chan?

**Grimm-chan** today at 9:12

Only for investigation purposes (｀ω´)

Did he compensate or not?

**Orihime Cifer** today at 9:13

Um, yes? 

I mean, yes. I wish you guys didn’t disturb us but everything was fine in the end.

**Grimm-chan** today at 9:13

It wasn’t my fault

I was having a death battle with go-chan and out of nowhere he said he loved me, but then I was confused, and then Nell appeared and said she loved Ichigo, after that the números intervened and Chad did a spinning back fist and fucking  ** _YEETED _ ** a dude.

**Orihime Cifer** today at 9:13

He said WHAT?! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!   
Grimm-jow, congratulations! What did you say?!?!

And Nel, I love you, but you gotta stop interrupting special moments with Ichigo. This sounds familiar…

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 9:14

What do you mean by that, Wife?

**Orihime Cifer** today at 9:14

Uhhhhh, nothing...

**Grimm-chan** today at 9:14

I didn’t have time to respond I got confused, my chest was bleeding and everything happened so fast. (つ﹏⊂)

**Orihime Cifer** today at 9:14

Oh no! I’m sure you’ll see him again soon. Is your chest okay now? Why didn’t you come get me?

**Grimm-chan** today at 9:14

Bc you were busy, and I was in a death battle, so of course my chest was bleeding, duh(｀･ω･´)

**Aaroniero** today at 9:14

Well, whatever, what I want to know is how it is that all you mental people are getting all this love and there is none for me. Especially you, Ulquiorra. WTF.

**Ggio ** today at 9:14

He asks an interesting question.

**Yylfordt** today at 9:14

Yeah, what’s it like to fuck a human?

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 9:15

My wife and I have a special bond that the likes of you could not possibly comprehend. It was great, thanks for asking.

**Aizen’s Queen ** today at 9:15

Ggio you are NOT the one who should be supporting Aaroniero

LMAO

**NellyBelly** today at 9:15

What do you mean by that, Hime-chan?? Itsyugo has always been mine.

**Orihime Cifer ** today at 9:15

I mean, like back when I was in high school Ichigo and I kind of had a thing… and you kind of barged in on us while we were having a moment, no offense, Grimm-chan. And sorry, Ulquiorra...

**NellyBelly** today at 9:15

Did that really happen? I don’t remember Itsyugo being like that

He always was nice to me.

**EdgyBastard5 ** today at 9:15

HAHAHA! I knew she was a slut. Good luck Ulq, you dumbshit. Have fun getting cucked.

_ EdgyBastard5 has been kicked from the chat _

**Menoly ** today at 9:16

Wow, somebody is defensive. Anyway, I am about to turn this chat on its head.

**Ggio ** today at 9:16

What do you mean Loly? Also Menoly what are you even talking about?

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 9:16

Wife, a word in our quarters, please?

_ Orihime Cifer has disconnected.  _

_ Ulquiorra Cifer has disconnected. _

**Menoly ** today at 9:16

Hehehe, hope he doesn’t punish her too hard. 

Anyways, what do you people think about this?

<tier_and_vega_sittin_in_a_tree_k_i_s_s_i_n_g.jpg>

**Zommari ** today at 9:16

Wow.. Wow, Ggio, didn’t know you had it in you. Props.

**Ggio ** today at 9:16

Is not what you think….

**Grimm-chan** today at 9:16

Oh shit you tricky bastard, Ggio you are killing it ＼(★^∀^★)／

**Mila Rose ** today at 9:17

Hey, you guys, back off. Tier-sama and Ggio-san are dear friends, isn’t that right, Tier-sama?

**Sung-Sun** today at 9:17

She is still asleep, you filthy barbarian.

**Mila Rose** today at 9:17

Oh, right. Either way, everyone back off Tier-sama! She finally made a friend, right Ggio-san?

**Ggio ** today at 9:17

Does she really think that? I hope so… I think Tier-san is a wonderful person.

**Apacci ** today at 9:17

Be proud Ggio-san, being friends with a woman like her is an achievement not anyone can get. Only you and Hime-chan have done it. 

**Wonderweiss** today at 9:17

Wait a minute, are you saying Orihime made out with Tier?

**Apacci ** today at 9:17

No weiss, wtf??? Neither her or….. 

Well she  **hasn’t ** made out with Hallibel-sama…

**Ggio ** today at 9:18

I mean… I wouldn’t mind being the meat in that sandwich

**Apacci ** today at 9:18

GGIO STOP MAKING IT WORSE!!!!

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 9:18

Oh ho ho, you are so lucky Ulq is offline right now.

**Daddy Aizen** today at 9:18

Yeah, let’s let the poor man lick his wounds in private and not poke the bear anymore today. We don’t want a repeat of yesterday. I’m still upset about the nativity play.

**NellyBelly** today at 9:18

I don’t mind repeating yesterday if I get to say how much I love Itsyugo.

**Zommari ** today at 9:18

How would that be any different than any other day, Nel? You never shut up about that idiot in the cafeteria. And I’m sorry you’re disappointed, Daddy.

**Aaroniero ** today at 9:18

Kiss-ass

**NellyBelly** today at 9:18

If you were a quarter of the man Itsyugo is I wouldn’t have to talk about him so much ( ￣＾￣)

**Zommari ** today at 9:19

Whatever Nel. That was never going to be an issue anyway. You’re not my type. At all.

**Lilynette** today at 9:19

You have a TYPE? Since when?

**NellyBelly** today at 9:19

You are bald and mean, you suck, Zoom.

**Tosen** today at 9:20

I suggest you all focus on Lord Aizen’s displeasure. Who would like to begin explaining what happened yesterday?

**NellyBelly** today at 9:20

You also suck, Tosen, don’t kill the mood.(￣ε(#￣)

**Tosen** today at 9:20

Strike one, Nelliel. Would you like to join Nnoitra?

**NellyBelly** today at 9:20

Waaait noooooo

Tosen is cool, remove the strike.

**Wonderweiss** today at 9:20

Well, I guess everything just got out of control after the deathmatch. Everything was disorganized, Grimmjow, Orihime and Ulquiorra were not present, and the parts of Spongebob, Squidward and the Virgin Sandy had to be played by persons who were unprepared.

**Menoly** today at 9:20

I mean, you killed it weiss, when you sang as Squidward it moved my heart.

**Aizen’s Queen** today at 9:20

Lmaooo, true.

**Wonderweiss** today at 9:20

I can give you an encore any time, ladies.

**Aizen’s Queen** today at 9:20

When I see you I’ll ask for it, bc u totally killed it, was great, u know?

**Wonderweiss** today at 9:20

Thank you. I appreciate your enthusiasm and good taste.

**YummyYammy ** today at 9:21

Oi! You actually believe they mean that? Don’t listen to them,Wonder. They be face-ishuss bitches, them two.

**Aizen’s Queen** today at 9:21

Shut up you ugly dude, we mean it, right Menoly?

**Menoly** today at 9:21

Yeah, I really enjoyed it. Was wonderful Weiss.

**YummyYammy ** today at 9:21

Well, as long as you’re not making fun of me mate, it’s fine. I really enjoyed Szayel as Spongebob.

**Szayel** today 9:21

Of course you did, my acting is near perfection, despite what others like Mayuri would say.

**Lilynette ** today at 9:21

Yeah you two were better than Nnoitra, and he rehearsed.

**Szayel** today 9:21 

I appreciate it small Lilynette.

My acting is great and should not be compared to one like Nnoitra’s

**YummyYammy ** today at 9:22

But sorry, Loly, nobody would believe for a second that you were a sandy virgin. I mean you know your nickname, right?

**Ggio** today at 9:22

Dude, Yammy, keep the locker room talk in the locker room.

**Aizen’s Queen** today at 9:22

Of course you wouldn’t get how good my acting was yammy

Only cultured people like Aizen-sama would get it.

**Daddy Aizen ** today at 9:22

Oh sorry Loly-chan, I didn’t pay attention when you were on. I got a message and I needed to read it.

**Aizen’s Queen** today at 9:22

Aizen-samaaaa don’t be so cruel.

If it was that bitch you would have ignored the message.

_ Daddy Aizen has disconnected _

**YummyYammy ** today at 9:23

Oh… that word is facetious. This dictionary I got from Ulquiorra has been real handy. What did everyone else get from their secret Santa?

**Ggio** today at 9:23

Tier gave me a cool hoodie.

**Zommari ** today at 9:23

Show off. You weren’t even in the secret Santa. I got a coffee mug from Lilynette with a picture of a dinosaur on it. It’s nice because it’s big enough for my hand to fit through the handle and the handle is shaped like a dinosaur tail. Thanks Lil.

**Lilynette** today at 9:23

No problem, I asked Starrk what you would like and he said “idk… a mug?”.

**Aizen’s queen** today at 9:23

You guys got useful things. I just received a book called “how to see when someone is in love with you.” but the gift didn’t had any name so idk who gave it to me.

**choose your name ** today at 9:24

I got a box of hard candies and some socks that say “boomer” on the soles. Thank you, Tesla

**Lilynette** today at 9:24

Damn boomer, that’s some cool gift for a grandpa like you.

**Menoly** today at 9:24

That’s a weird gift, Loly, I wonder who gave it to you.

**Szayel ** today at 9:24

I hope Ulquiorra’s been enjoying my gift. I wonder if he had Orihime-chan go to their room to try it out on her. Naughty boy….

**Grimm-chan** today at 9:24

Wtf did you give Ulqy-chan? -___-

**Szayel ** today at 9:24

Oh, you know, a collar, leash, a little feather tickle torture toy, a ballgag; really just a bag full of goodies. I spoiled him.

**NellyBelly ** today at 9:24

Awwww, lucky!!!! I just got a hair tie with a skull charm on it.

**Grimm-chan** today at 9:24

Idk if that’s lucky nelly-chan...

**choose your name ** today at 9:25

You kids don’t appreciate how hard it can be to keep the romance alive. Back in my day we would just kill our wives off and get new ones. That’s frowned upon these days...

**Grimm-chan** today at 9:25

Where the new one go? Old man, I haven’t seen you with a woman since I know you.

**choose your name ** today at 9:25

Im talking about before you were born, whippersnapper. And a long time before that. I’ve gentled in my old age. Oh Barbara… How I would cherish you...

**Lilynette** today at 9:25

Who the fuck is Barbara? Boomer you are getting senile.

**choose your name ** today at 9:25

I’m going to do it! Ggio! Pack my bags. We’re going on a mission to find my true love, Miss Barbara.

**Ggio** today at 9:25

Can I just stay?...

I have been enjoying getting to know Tier-san.

**choose your name ** today at 9:25

Fine. Just make sure I’m packed I’ll take a different pageboy with me, you’ll be missing out, though. Miss Barbara has some lovely friends.

**Ggio** today at 9:25

Okay, chief.

Cya everyone.

_ Ggio has disconnected _

_ choose your name has disconnected _

**Lilynette** today at 9:26

Oh right, talking about love, did anyone of you see this?

<Starrk_boomer_holding_human_girl.png>

_ Orihime Cifer has connected  _

**Orihime Cifer ** today at 9:26

OMFGGGGGGG OMG OMG OMG TSTSKKKKIIIIIIII’nnn

**Zommari ** today at 9:26

Um… Hime are you okay?

**Grimm-chan** today at 9:26

Kek, old Starrk is dating a young girl like that? (￣▼￣)

**Orihime Cifer ** today at 9:26

She’s not a girl, she’s my age! OMG Lily, that’s my friend Tatsuki!!!!!!!!! What,... I mean… are they together???? Tell us everything!!!!!!!!!!!

**Lilynette** today at 9:26

Idk much, I went to buy ice cream from the taco truck and when I come back I saw Ulquiorra appear, when he started attacking Starrk just went immediately with her and grabbed her like she was his princess.

Here is another pic of them talking together after that and smiling.

<Starrk_and_human_having_fun.png>

_ Ulquiorra has reconnected  _

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 9:27

Oh, well it would be nice if they got together and she relocated here, wouldn’t it? Then you could have company, Wife.

**Grimm-chan** today at 9:27

……………. Ulquiorra, are you okay? (＾＾；)

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 9:27

Why do you ask, Sexta? I’ve never been better, isn’t that so, Wife?

**Orihime Cifer ** today at 9:27

*^_^* I hope so.

**Grimm-chan** today at 9:27

Nothing, was just wondering.

**Szayel ** today at 9:27

So my gift has come in handy, then? Who wears the collar?

**Orihime Cifer ** today at 9:27

!! None of your business!

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 9:27

I do, of course.

**Lilynette** today at 9:27

I’m a child, you shouldn’t talk about this shit in my presence!!!

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 9:27

It’s just a fashion accessory, Lilynette. No worries.

**Lilynette** today at 9:27

Okay…

But anyways, Orihime do you think your friend could be a nice step-mom? I don’t want the boomer to marry anyone bad.

**Orihime Cifer ** today at 9:27

Well, maybe. She likes karate and she isn’t the best listener…. she’s overprotective… idk if she’s mom material, how many years have you been alive, Lil?

**Lilynette** today at 9:27

Idk… Around 13 if we count the one year I was dead.

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 9:27

I always thought you were older but stayed young looking like those…. um… like Loly.

**Lilynette** today at 9:27

Nope, I’m young and dope.

**Orihime Cifer ** today at 9:27

Well I guess it would be fine then. She’s young and fun. Did she seem like she liked Starrk-san?

**Lilynette** today at 9:27

She was laughing and smiling when they were together. So I think it is.

Idk much about love.

**Orihime Cifer ** today at 9:27

Oh, yay! You two should go visit her again! 

**Lilynette** today at 9:28

Great, I’ll bother Starrk until we can go there.

**SilverFoxxx ** today at 9:28

Aizen-sama has been starting to look forward to our next set of festivities, maybe you could talk Starrk’s guest into joining us for Valentine’s Day?

**Lilynette** today at 9:28

Please hime-chan!!!!

**Orihime Cifer ** today at 9:28

What do you want me to do?

**Lilynette** today at 9:28

Invite her.

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 9:28

If my wife wishes it so, consider it done, Lilynette.

**Lilynette** today at 9:28

Yeees, Hime-chan I’ll count on you.

**Orihime Cifer ** today at 9:28

It’s my pleasure.

**Lilynette** today at 9:28

Great, love you hime-chan

I’ll tell the old man now.

**Orihime Cifer ** today at 9:29

Awww <3. Love you too, Lil!

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 9:29

I beg your pardon?

**Orihime Cifer ** today at 9:29

Not the same way I love you, dear.

**Aaroniero ** today at 9:29

BARFFFFFFF

**Lilynette** today at 9:29

Even the old man gets love but not you Aaroniero

_ Lilynette has disconnected _

**Szayel ** today at 9:30

Ok now that she’s gone tell us how it went deflowering the princess, Ulq. It’s for science.

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 9:30

You are a degenerate prick, Szayel. Fuck you, strike one, my wife is a queen and you will treat her with respect.

**Grimm-chan** today at 9:30

The lil bat is finally showing his fangs ≧ω≦

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 9:30

The respect thing goes for all of you.

**Aaroniero ** today at 9:30

BARFFFFFFF x infinity

_ Aaroniero has been kicked  _

**Grimm-chan** today at 9:30

Btw, isn’t it time for breakfast? Should we get going?

Even people who slept more than they should should be going there by now.

**Orihime Cifer ** today at 9:30

Yeah I’m starving and it’s kinda weird to have this conversation in here while Ulquiorra and I are in the same room.

**NellyBelly ** today at 9:30

Then let’s get going! I’ll get some for Itsyugo too.

  
  
*******

“Wow, breakfast burritos? I guess the Las Noches cafeteria staff are trying to steal business from Dordoni,” Yammy muttered as he pushed through a crowd of people to the front of the line for breakfast. “OOOoi! Ulquiorrraaaaaarrr! I’m at the front you can come sit by me!” the huge monster shouted.

Espada number four wasted no time, grabbing Orihime around the waist and using sonido to cut to the front of the line. “This is unexpected but thank you, Yammy. I need to regain my strength.”

Orihime scowled slightly and looked down at her phone. “Lilynette wants to know who I can talk to to get a connection to the World of the Living. I don’t know how to talk to Tatsuki about this Starrk thing.”

“I’m pretty sure the lass can open a garganta for you, princess.” The big man said before grabbing a tray and continue moving.

Orihime nodded and pursed her lips. “I suppose, but it’s not very conducive for consistent communication. I want to be able to gossip with her.”

“Is my company insufficient, Wife?”

“No, it’s not that. I need to be able to counsel her. I’m the married one, I have more experience.”

There was a sharp snicker from somewhere behind them. “Ha! I knew it. Little Pet-sama has been fucking most of you, hasn’t she? Figures the bitch plays favorites.”

“Nobody asked for your opinion, Nnoitra, if you want to comment about the supposed experience of my wife you have to be prepared to face the consequences.” The fourth espada looked at the tall and scrawny figure, his eyebrows sharpened in anger and his hand formed into a fist instantly.

Wonderweiss chose that moment to come barrelling through on his feet and knuckles like some kind of chimpanzee on the run. He bowled over Nnoitra and stood on top of his chest, shouting ‘Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaageeeeeeeeggggggggggggguuuuuuuuuuuuahhhhhhhh! Abl abla albalabarfafafasf!”

“Stop drooling on me you mental midget!” Nnoitra screeched. 

“Wonderweiss just wants you to stop pissing off Ulquiorra. We don’t want to have to rebuild the cafeteria because you can’t stop opening your mouth,” Szayel translated.

“How the fuck do you understand whatever this child is fucking schreeching?”

“Translation software of my own design,” the pink-haired man bragged.

“Sounds stupid, now can you make this retard leave me alone?” The espada with long black hair asked.

“Ask him yourself, you filthy incel!” Yylfordt cried and stomped away, his pink-haired brother following. 

Wonderweiss’ unfocused, feral purple eyes swam above Nnoitra’s as a long string of drool suspended lower and lower towards his face.

“I’m gonna kill this mentally disabled child one day, I swear to god.” Nnoitra swiped at his clothes to make the saliva of Wonderweiss go away.

“Can you stop using slurs? I’m trying to get food for Itsyugo.” The voice from Nelliel was heard from behind, she then walked straight to the group causing trouble in the line.

Nnoitra pushed Wonderweiss off of him finally and got to his knees, flashing his brows at Nel. “Slumming it with a human, Nel? How the mighty have fallen. You could always come back to me and remember how a real monster does it,” he said to her quietly.

“Eww, I never liked you. Also, I wouldn’t underestimate Itsyugo since you lost to his less powerful friend.” The green haired girl chuckled after her response.

Nnoitra scoffed and got back into line. “Tesla! Get me some food and bring it back to the fifth tower. I’m tired of these idiots,” he hissed before stomping out of the cafeteria.

“Looks like somebody’s butthurt,” Menoly gossiped to Loly after he left.

“Totally, that dirty bastard got owned by her and because he couldn’t think of a response he had to go away like a scared insect.” Loly replied to her loyal friend.

“I know! But ugh, I’m disappointed that the picture I took of Ggio and Tier didn’t get more shock points. Stupid Lilynette stealing my thunder with those pictures of Starrk and that human.”

“Yeaah, but can’t believe fucking Starrk would fall in love with a simple human, L-M-A-O, at this rate everyone will be dating a person from the orange haired dude’s hometown.”

This time Menoly lowered her voice more. “Do you really think Grimmjow likes him that way? Oh, no beans for me, please,” she said, clarifying how she wanted her breakfast burrito.

“Put all the vegetables available, I don’t want to be a cow like the Hime slut,” she ordered the cafeteria worker. When she got her burrito she got closer to her friend and whispered to her ear, “Duh, they a one-hundred percent have fucked in the past, or at least they have touched in lewd places.”

“Eeew,” Menoly said with a huge grin on her face. “Is it weird that I kinda want to see that?”

“Nah, I think a lot of people here do.” Loly said calmly.

“Also, you might want to get some cheese or something. Aizen-sama seems to like cows.”

“If he liked cows he would have married the slut himself, he wouldn’t give her away to a dumbass like him.” Loly exclaimed with dismissiveness. 

Across the cafeteria, Aizen stood with Gin and Tosen. “So, tell me more about this next holiday? I want to make sure it goes better than Christmas. So disorganized and chaotic; I was really let down.”

“It’s Valentine’s day, a romantic day celebrated in the world of the living where the women have to give chocolate to the person they like or love. If they don’t have any they tend to give obligation chocolate to a random dude or a friend of them.” Gin told Aizen while supporting his chin with the palm of his hand.

“So it’s just about gifting of chocolate? No plays? No bloodsport? What’s the fun in that?” Aizen whined.

“It’s all about the gossip that is formed that day, all the possible couples, and so many hidden feelings. Is a great day to be a spectator,” Gin said with enthusiasm in his voice.

Aizen scoffed. “But what about the fat baby with wings? Isn’t that some kind of Quincy mascot at least? It is an archer, is it not?”

“Aizen-sama, the baby is known as cupid and his arrows have the ability to make someone fall in love with the first person they see. Is not a Quincy from the knowledge I have gathered in the past week.” Tosen explained to his disappointed master.

“No matter,” Aizen said, raising to his full height and crossing his arms over his chest. “Someone will bring the Quincy friend of Kurosaki’s to us. He can play cupid and those who survive his arrows can fall in love as they please. Should I have our Cupid be a sniper, or just line everyone up and have him shoot point blank?”

“Receiving an arrow from the quincy would be lethal for a lot of our arrancars, Aizen-sama. It isn’t a good idea.” 

He shrugged. “Meh.”

“I also know that Ishida-san doesn’t have the same powers that cupid have.” Tosen said, worried for the life of the people living here.

“We’ll figure something out, Tosen. Write the Quincy down on the list. I have a thing to do, so excuse me,” Aizen said, slipping into the shadows.

Ggio had just finished up in line and snuck out of the cafeteria with two breakfast burritos and some fruit, and started making his way to the third tower. When he got to Tier’s room, he knocked on the door.

“The door is open, Appaci-san,” was heard from the other side of the doors. It was clearly the voice of Tier but sounded a bit deeper than usual.

Ggio pushed his hand holding the bag of food through the door first, and then stuck his head through. “Surprise!” he said with a blinding grin.

A scream came off the bed and a lot of sudden movement appeared, after a few seconds Hallibel lifted her torso and looked directly to Vega while she was making sure her hoodie covered as much skin as possible, “It was you, Ggio-san. What are you doing here?” she sighed.

“Can’t a guy bring his favorite woman breakfast in bed?” he asked, walking towards her slowly. “I’ve missed you.”

“Uhm… I’m sorry, it wasn’t my intention to say that. I also missed you Ggio-san,” she said, looking down to her messy sheets and with red covering her cheeks.

He smirked at her and set the bag down at a nearby table, then put one knee up on the foot of her bed and then the other, crawling with her legs between them towards her. When he was straddling her thighs he stopped and sat up. “I’m glad to hear it,” he said, then reached out to touch the side of her face. “Boomer Barry is gone. I don’t have anything scheduled for the next couple of days. I was hoping we could spend some time together.”

Tier deviated her sight and moved a few centimeters backwards to then respond, “Uhm, I don’t know how busy I am, I have to ask my fracciones to see what my schedule is for the week.” 

“Oh,” he said, settling back on his seat and letting his hand fall away in disappointment. Clearly she didn’t want what he had in mind. “Alright, well, let me know if you have any time that opens up,” he said, swinging his leg back over and getting off the bed. “I’ll leave your breakfast on the table; enjoy,” he said, grabbing his food out of the bag and then using sonido to get the hell out of there as fast as he could. He felt like a fool. How could he have misread the situation so badly? He asked himself that question as he slammed the door to his own room shut moments later.

Tier extended her hand and tried to stop him, but before she could say anything he was nowhere to be seen. She wanted to spend time with him despite what her words said. After realizing what she just did, she covered herself with the sheets and buried her face in her pillow. The three fracciones that heard the entire conversation behind the door decided to enter. “Tier-sama, you can call him and say that you have the whole week free. We will do the jobs that we are supposed to do for once.” Sung-Sun said while coming closer to her boss.

“Wait, are we going to actually work?!” Rose asked, surprised, but was shut down immediately by Appaci who hit her in the head.

“Shut up, airhead, can’t you see how Hallibel-sama is feeling?”

“Geez, there was no need to hit me. Tier-sama, we will do all the work so don’t worry.” Franceska said to amend for her previous mistake.

“Please you two; both of you are so uncouth,” Sung-Sun said from behind her sleeve. “Can’t you see that you’re just adding to Hallibel-sama’s stress? Now, let’s leave her alone. We have made our offer, now we must let her decide which action to take,” Sung-Sun added with a superior nod.

“Okay, but do we really have to work? We have always left all the jobs to Tier-sama, so I don’t actually know what we are supposed to do.” Mila Rose asked while turning around to leave the room of the third espada.

“Don’t worry about it, she can make us a list. We can and want to do this for you,” Sung-Sun said, pulling the other two with her towards the door.

“See yah Tier-sama,” Mila Rose said before the door was completely closed, she then faced her two partners and told them “I hope she does it, Ggio is totally into her and she clearly likes him as well.”

“I thought they were only friends,” Appaci added.

Sung-Sun giggled. “You fool,” she said. “I believe you think Grimmjow and Ichigo Kurosaki are just friends, too.”

“They aren’t??? But they haven’t kissed or anything else yet. And they even fought to the death. Lovers don’t tend to do that.” Appaci was confused by the statement of her partners.

“Girl, how lost can you be? Ichigo, Grimmjow and Nell are the love triangle everyone is talking about.” 

Rose laughed at the naïveté of her friend. During the conversation, her phone vibrated to notify her about a message. “Oh someone is talking to me, wait a second.” She took her phone out and saw the notification. She got a message from the person at the other side of the door that said  _ I will take the offer.  _

Franceska smiled, looking at it, and told the other two, “Okay, we have a lot of work to do this week so we should start moving.” 


	12. Aizen's Lament

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Nel's PFP:

The tea was cold. The room was cold. Nothing he wore seemed to fit right. The piece of hair that dangled in his eyes looked dapper, for sure, but it just constantly made the bridge of his nose itch.

Sosuke signed, slinging a knee over one of the arms of his throne. The one in his throne room. That dark, solitary,  _ boring _ room. He sighed louder, and with more emphasis.

Why was the life of a god so boring? Why were there no cool people around or fun things to do? Sure, he organized these holiday parties and executed people and arranged marriages and things like that, and yeah, they were amusing, but…  _ Sigh.  _ His life felt like it lacked meaning.

“Gin? Gin? Oh, Gin? Gin Steven Ichimaru! I need you!” Aizen shouted over pesquisa.

“Lord Aizen, I’m not called Steven in any way, so please, don’t call me that again.” The foxy shinigami answered while rubbing his fist over his left eye.

“I really don’t care for your sass, Gin. Ginothy Steven Ichimaru, which, from here on out, is your legal name, by the way. I’m bored. Do you have anything fun to do?” the ruler whined, slowing swinging the foot that hung off the arm of his chair back and forth.

“First of all, no it’s not, Mister Aizen,” the white-haired men protested to his lord. After that he approached Aizen to tell him “I certainly have some fun things to do, but none of them would pique the interest of you, Sosuke.” 

Aizen frowned. “Did I hear you correctly, Ginothy? Did you just… I don’t want to say  _ defy _ me, but I think that might be it. Hmm. Interesting. Tosen? Sunglasses buddy? Where are you?”

Tosen appeared using sonido and stood behind his lord before answering Aizen. “Here I am, Aizen-sama, what’s the purpose of me being here?”

“Ginothy Steven is being a brat. I need you to exact justice on him. I’m going to go check up on the other kids,” Aizen said with a sigh as he pushed up off the chair. “Oh, also, I want an update on the Valentine’s day thing when I get back. I need some good news. I’m feeling… Unhappy.”

The blind man bowed down to his king and replied, “as you order Aizen-sama, but who exactly is this person named Ginothy Steven?”

***

_ Knock knock knock _

“Starrk? Coyote? Can I come in? I want to chat,” Aizen asked with a pout.

A high-pitched voice answered instead of the deep voice of the Espada number 1 from behind the door. “The old man is busy, but you can pass, Aizen Oji-san," Lilynette answered after screaming at Starrk.

“Lily? Can Uncle Sosuke come in? I want your opinion on something,” he replied in the same tone.

“He is busy preparing outfits for the date with the human!” Loly shouted back.

Aizen scoffed. “Can I help? I’m very stylish. I’m sure I can do a better job than anyone here.”

“Of course Oji-san. The door isn’t locked, so you can enter!”

Aizen remained on the other side of the door, inhaling slowly. On second thought, he didn’t want to help anyone pick out outfits for dates. It would just remind him that he didn’t take pleasure in those activities anymore. He huffed and turned down the hall to the second tower.

When he arrived, he didn’t bother with the door this time. Opening Barragan’s chamber door without knocking, he announced himself. “Hey Boomer! What’s going on, ya old bastard? Wanna raise some havoc?”   
  


Ggio raised his head from the desk he was working on and groaned. “He’s out. World of the Living. Want me to get him a message?”

Aizen rolled his eyes. “Tell him to bring me back a mug that says “I closed Urahara’s”, and then tell him he better invite me along next time. Asshole…” He turned and marched to the third tower.

“Oh Tier? Tier, my lovely perfect towering column of sunshine? You in?” 

The door was opened by the tallest of the fracciones, Rose. She looked Aizen while chewing gum and asked, “oh, what you doing here, chief?”

Aizen looked at the woman with disinterest. “Yeah, I’m here to talk to Tier. Tier, my buttercream baby, quick question for you,” he said, raising on tiptoe to address the question over the fraccion’s shoulder.

Mila Rose turned her back and interrupted her master, “She is in her room, she is uhmmm, learning women’s things with Sun-Sung. I tried to help, but Apacci said I’m too annoying to be there, so I’m kinda doing all the work of the tower myself.” She then walked away from Aizen and closed the door to continue working. 

Aizen scoffed with disbelief and then called through the door, “She’s right, you know! You  _ are _ too annoying!” He shook his head and made his way to the fourth tower. His favorite tower, if truth be told.

Oh. Is this? The lord of the castle looked down at the doorknob. Was that… Was that a sock on the handle?

Aizen stood there, tilting his head from side to side slowly, trying to unravel this mystery. Then he heard a muffled vocalization and rhythmic thumping from beyond the door. He concentrated.

He wished he hadn’t done that. T.M.I.

Fine. Even his precious Ulquiorra was leaving him in his time of need. Aizen walked to the main hallway that connected the towers and sat on the ground to pout. This wasn’t fair. He had been the one to build this place! To set up the hierarchy and host all the events! These ungrateful Espada were taking him for granted!

That was it. There were going to be some big changes around here, he thought. But as he sat planning the changes, the curiosity of seeing the rest of the espadas beat out his egomaniacal plan. He headed to the fifth tower to see what the black sheep of the group, Nnoitra, was doing.

When he entered he heard the voice of the former third espada, Nelliel, screaming at the top of her lungs, “Can you do this survey pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase?!” The king walked through the stairs and stood up behind a wall when he saw the pair of espadas talking, Nel had an unusual outfit that had a bunch of sexual imagery of her and the ryoka boy all over it; she was also holding and pushing a bunch of paper and a pen in front of Nnoitra.

The tall espada pushed her with his arm and yelled at her, “No, stop asking me about this bullshit. We broke up because you were wearing that same fucking disgusting outfit when we started dating. It has been five years since that happened.”

“But this is the obligatory break-up survey of Hueco Mundo. Every couple who has a break up needs to take it, you big dumbass.” Nell answered angrily while pushing the papers even harder to her former lover.

“Bitch, this didn’t even last a week and you never loved me, you were always screaming about that fucking Itsyugo.” Nnoitra grabbed his hair out of frustration while looking at Nelliel.

“Still counts,” the woman with green hair and a skull over her head inflated her cheeks and waited impatiently for Nnoitra to grab the paper.

“Holy fucking shit, if I do it will you stop bothering me? You stupid bitch,” The tall man with an eye patch asked in desperation to get rid off this so-called annoying bitch.

With her cheeks still inflated she nodded and replied to him. “Yes, but you also need to stop calling me misogynistic insults.”

“Tch.. okay, give me those stupid papers.” The fifth espada took the papers forcefully out of her hands and started completing the survey.

After hearing all of the delicious information, Aizen left the fifth tower without being noticed by the people inside it. When he walked towards the tower of the sixth espada, he heard a loud shout from Nel coming from the tower. “Why did you draw a penis at the end?? You dumbass!”

Aizen was grinning from ear to ear when he knocked on Grimmjow’s door. “Hey Buddy, Daddy’s here. Wanna go outside and play catch?”

The voice of Grimmjow was heard through the door, but it wasn’t directed at Sosuke, and it was more high-pitched than usual and for some reason he was screaming a lot. “Holy shit! That was so scary.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, Pal. It’s just me! I’ll come in and comfort you,” Aizen said as he opened the door, his wicked smile gentling.

He was not prepared for what he saw. His very own blue-haired baby was sitting crouched in his room in his released form, cat ears emphasized with a cutesy bow, and oversized black hoodie with long sleeves and thumbholes and matching sweatpants.

Aizen gasped, clutching at his chest. “What is the meaning of this!? And what are you doing?!” he demanded.

Grimmjow looked at Aizen nervously, hugged his legs tightly and answered “Hi Aizen-sama, I’m streaming on Twitch. Do you wanna say hi to the chat? They are really nice.”

Aizen walked into the room and crossed his arms over his chest, looking at the screen that Grimmjow was facing, studying it intently. “Hi,” he said, not at all sure who he was talking to.

“Look, they are saying hi to you back, Aizen-sama” Grimmjow pointed to the left side of the computer where hundreds of messages are passing through the screen.

The fingers of his left hand came to stroke his chin as he watched replies come up on the screen, and the sovereign’s grin returned. “Oh, look, Grimmy-baby, they love me. Oh yes, I am handsome, aren’t I?” he said with a smirk.

“So… Aizen-sama, why did you come here?” Grimmjow asked.

“I don’t remember. Say, move over, will you? ShootingStar76969 is asking me if I’m single and ready to mingle. Well, I  _ am _ single, but I have a lot of responsibilities. I’m not looking for anything permanent…” he began as questions started to appear.

“Oh, the chat appears to like you, Aizen-sama, Lexivision just said tell us more about Pantera’s embarrassing moments… wait no, Aizen-sama don’t do that, please.”

Aizen chuckled. “Don’t worry, Sexta, why would I talk about you when I could talk about me? Yes,” he laughed, reading another question. “A solid seven and a half.” There was a pause. “Slack. I’m no grower.”

Grimmjow blushed and hit the arm of the chair and yelled at his chat “Oh my god, what are you even asking, chat? This is a pg-13 stream, we shouldn’t be talking about the majority of those questions.”

Aizen ignored his subject’s protests. “I have never been married, no. I don’t play games, unless you consider interdimensional world domination a game.”

“Okay, this is it, the streams ends for today, thanks for everyone who donated and subscribed, I’ll read it tomorrow.” Grimmjow grabbed the mouse and clicked on the end stream button at the top of the screen. He then turned with his chair to look at his master and said “Can you explain why you are interfering in my job?”

“Your job? Your  _ job _ !? The last time I checked, Grimmjow, your job was to serve me,” Aizen said menacingly, his reiatsu growing prickly.

The espada wasn’t intimidated by the sudden explosion of spiritual pressure, he just inflated his cheeks, came close to Aizen and responded to him. “You don’t pay me, and this is just a half-time job, I had to quit the pizzeria one because Ichigo ordered too many pizzas.”

Aizen narrowed his eyes. “I didn’t sign your part-time job work release. You work for me, Grimmjow. Make no mistake. You live for my pleasure. Anyway, I just made a decision,” Aizen paused and closed his eyes, tuning in to pesquisa. 

“Hey, Espada! Yes, you too, Ulq. Get out of bed for once. Also this includes you, Lil and Nel. Everybody out in the desert, now. You’re all going to play beach volleyball until I get bored.”

After that he opened his eyes and looked at Grimmjow. “And after I get bored, you will show me how this game works.”

Grimmjow did a 180 degrees spin with his chair and replied “I don’t want to, I have to reply to my Instagram comments and Twitter mentions to make my brand bigger, I will never get to be a 2k andy if I just do what you say.”

“You will do what I say, Grimmjow,” Aizen said with a serene smile, then released his spiritual pressure to a large extent at the arrancar. “Or you will perish.”

Despite shivering Pantera stayed firm with his stand and said without looking at Aizen’s face. “Force me.” 

Aizen rolled his eyes. “Fine,” he said, shaking his head, shrugging, and snapping a finger, letting his reiatsu unleash at Grimmjow, who fell like a sack of flour to the ground. 

“Ggio?” Aizen called out on Pesquisa.

“What is happening? Chief, I’m still doing the work of Barragan for him.” Vega answered.

“Pause it. You like volleyball?”

“Not really, but if I can stop working I’ll play.”

“Good. You’ll start and then be an alternate after Grimmjow wakes up. Meet us outside!” Aizen said, his mood improving with each step he took.

“Alright chief, see you there.”

***

“I'm bored, everybody can stop now” Aizen shouted after the odd numbers won the second set. Most of the arrancars were really tired, but Ggio in particular was devastated after trying to follow the strength and speed of all the espadas, despite the enormous difference in power between him and them. He walked to the side of the court and let his body fall to the soft sand of Hueco Mundo.

He was appreciating the dark sky of this world while trying to recuperate and catch his breath. A few moments later, a round object obstructed his vision and later was put on his forehead. The cold metallic feeling of it made him lift his torso and he saw how a can of soda was dropped to his thighs.

“You are doing great,” he heard a voice close to his ears. He then turned his head and saw the third espada, Tier, with her full espada uniform. His eyebrows raised and his eyes were wide open when he realized that despite playing for the same amount of time and being fully clothed, she wasn’t even sweating.

Because there wasn’t a response from the fracción, Tier asked “Uhmm, are you okay?” 

After that he stopped being stunned and answered Hallibel’s question “Yeah, I’m okay, thanks for the soda.” He opened the gift and started drinking.

“Uhm, no problem.” Now that he was only looking at her her confidence disappeared like a ghost after Mario looks at them. She didn’t know what to say to him, but with the help of the uniform her embarrassment wasn’t showing, she just looked at him silently.

Ggio looked at her and smiled despite his humiliation. “I know I’ve been really busy lately, but I miss seeing you around. This is nice,” he said.

“Is… nice to see you too, Ggio. About the thing you said two days ago...” Tier stopped without knowing what to say, she wanted to accept his offer and she has been training with her fracciones to do it, but she still felt like she wasn’t enough to entertain her friend. After trying to say something just failed miserably and mumbled with her low voice.

“Huh? You’re gonna have to speak louder, Tier. I’m sorry but I can’t hear over the sound of my own heartbeat right now,” Ggio said, blushing. “I tried to keep up with all of you, but, pfew!” he huffed and fell back dramatically, a wide grin on his face.

Tier fakely coughed and tried answering again, this time she lowered the collar of her uniform and showed Ggio her blushing face. “I-i wanted to say I accept your offer from 2 days ago.” After that Hallibel hid her face with the collar again and closed her eyes waiting for the response.

He closed his eyes, his lips pulling back further to show his sharp canine teeth. “I’m glad to hear it. I wonder if--”

“Tier! My lovebug! My lemon custard sugar pet! Your fraccion was so rude today when I stopped by to see you,” Aizen interrupted.

She immediately stood up after hearing the voice of Aizen, she turned around and with a cold tone she replied “I’m sorry Aizen-sama, was it Mila Rose that acted rudely towards you?” She bowed waiting for his response.

“I’ll be honest, Halibel, I don’t know which is which. Is that a soda? Where did you get such contraband!” he demanded, brows furrowing as he looked at Ggio.

“I was the one who gave it to him. I asked the shinigami who works in the taco truck for one, Aizen-sama.” Tier answered the question that was intended to Ggio.

The leader raised an eyebrow. “Of course. Ichigo Kurosaki wouldn’t comply with my tea and tea only mandate. Prick. Anyway,” he said, turning back to the couple with a pleasant visage. “Just don’t bring it inside the palace. Or, if you do, don’t let anybody see, alright?” he said with a wink.

“Understood, Aizen-sama. I will make sure nobody else knows about it.” The tall girl bowed while saying that.

Aizen chuckled and made his way over to the taco truck, smirking as he heard Ulquiorra and Nel whispering to each other on the side of the nets.

“What do you mean? My wife has never been anything but faithful to me!” Ulquiorra hissed through clenched teeth at the green-haired arrancar.

“Yeah, but Itsyugo is the type of man to attract multiple women at the same time, Hime-chan also said that she liked him before. So???” Nel gossiped into the ear of the married man.

Ulquiorra’s nostrils flared and fists curled. “Just because he does, doesn’t mean Orihime will be one of them! What is in the past is past! He killed me, I’m pretty sure, and yet here I stand, in the middle of the desert… playing volleyball… while she hangs around a guy in a… taco… truck…” he trailed off, feeling more and more insecure with each word.

He looked over at the two redheads and felt a pang in his hollow chest. What if she  _ wasn’t  _ over the shinigami. What if that was why Ichigo Kurosaki was here peddling street food? “Nelliel?” he asked as he watched.

“I see you are going to help me with Itsyugo.” The girl grinned seeing that her plan was a success.

Ulquiorra’s lips pressed into a thin line and his eyes met hers. “I’m not helping you with anything. I have something to discuss with my wife. Feel free to join me,” he said, striding off in the direction of the truck.

“Yes!” She whispered to herself and celebrated victory before following the steps of the jealous espada. While walking she arranged her hair and hair clothing to be as attractive as possible to get into the heart of the shinigami. 

Aizen saw. He knew what was going to happen. It was all going according to his plan, afterall. He turned to Chad and began to discuss Mexican culture with him to distract the larger man from the others.

Ulquiorra arrived at the truck a moment later with Nel at his heels. “Ichigo Kurosaki,” he said smoothly. “How the mighty have fallen. You are a taco man now?”

“Dude, I’m just stuck here because of Grimmjow and Nel, I would go to the world of the living if I could.” Ichigo answered.

The shorter arrancar looked at Nel and raised a single brow. “Are you going to accept his accusations?”

Nelliel closed her eyes, smiled and inclined her head towards the right before claiming “Yes, I need Itsyugo for something, but Grimmjow is too jealous of our love.” She then rested her arm in the bar of the taco truck and positioned her clothing in a way that Ichigo could see her big breasts. Nelliel looked at him while doing it, waiting for a response.

Ichigo’s nose wrinkled and he put on a fake smile for Nel. “Uh, hi Nel. Do you want something to eat?”

Ulquiorra’s eyes drew back to Orihime and a small smile played at his lips. “I want something to eat,” he said quietly to her, taking a step closer and taking one of her hands, his fingertips brushing her palm before threading between her fingers. 

Her eyes met her husband’s and she blushed from head to toe. “Um, Ulquiorra… I don’t think it’s polite to talk about stuff like that here…”

“Why not?” he said, his eyes narrowing playfully at her. “It isn’t like these two have any idea what kind of, um,  _ meals _ you serve in our private quarters,” Ulquiorra said, his voice dipping into a lower register and his eyebrows flashing at her briefly before stepping into her side.

“Ulquiorra…” Orihime whined softly, visibly squirming and unable to stop smiling.

“I’m sorry for what Ulqy said, Itsyugo, he is too jealous. Right, Ulquiorra?” She inclined her torso towards Ulquiorra and pressed her chest towards him to hug him. She still looked at Ichigo for reactions since now she was showing all of her outstanding figure with clothes that were so tight that didn’t hide any curve of her body.

Ichigo was initially too shocked and curious about the conversation his married friend was having with her husband. He was red to the tips of his ears and couldn’t look away, dying to know what they were talking about, until Nel all but knocked him over with her tits. “Nel!” Ichigo hissed, “I--” he cut himself off and shook his head, embarrassed at almost admitting what he was doing, but still glancing at the couple nuzzling each other’s ears and telling secrets. 

After a moment he couldn’t take it. He looked at Nel and whispered at her, “What do you think they’re talking about?”

“I don’t know, but I’m more interested in what you have to say, Ichigo.” She whispered to his ear, she then slowly went down to her normal height, continuing to press her chest with Ichigo’s and with her hips being highlighted by the tightness of her outfit.

Ichigo swallowed hard. “I don’t have anything to say,” he finally said, his voice breaking in the middle. The idea that that monster had corrupted his innocent friend and that she seemed to…  _ enjoy _ it should make him furious. Instead it was making him feel funny in his swimsuit area. “Say,um, Nel, uh… I don’t suppose…” 

He stopped himself. What was he doing? What the hell was he doing? Was he really going to let little baby Nel try to seduce him? It was wrong! It was… Oh shit was that her hand on his ass?

“Grimmjow! How was the volleyball game?” Ichigo squeaked.

Nelliel turned her body, looking for the blue haired arrancar that was her love rival, but she made sure to still have Ichigo with a tight grip, in both of the areas she was grabbing. Grimmjow approached the place with a look of emptiness in his face, his clothes were messy and his hair was all over the place. “I haven’t even played” Grimmjow replied to his frenemy. 

“That’s a shame, want a taco?” Ichigo asked with pleading eyes, craning his neck away from Nel. His only hope was looking at him with a confused expression beneath his blue hair.

“Nah, I’m kinda tired. Aizen was in the mood to punish me for no reason and now I have to play a fucking volleyball game.” The espada said without enthusiasm while scratching his eyes. 

“Lucky for you, the game is over,” Aizen said, leaving Chad mid-sentence. “Just in time for you to teach me all about video games. Ichigo, you’ll subscribe to my channel, won’t you? You too, Cifers. Nel, baby girl, let the nice tacogami go.”

Nelliel grabbed Ichigo’s ass strongly for the last time and lifted her hands. “I’m not doing anything, Mister Aizen, I just wanted to talk to him for a while, right, Itsyugo?” The green haired woman winked at him before slowly getting away from him. 

Ichigo never thought he would ever be grateful to Aizen, but that’s how he felt now. “Taco?” he asked.

“No thank you,” Aizen said, suddenly feeling disappointed. “Grimmjow, put it on your calendar to teach me about gaming tomorrow afternoon. Nel, go back to your room. Zommari and Aaroniero, pack up the net and soccer balls--”

“VOLLEYBALLS” Lilynette corrected him.

“--Volleyballs and bring them back inside. I need to take a nap,” Aizen said with a tired voice.

He wasn’t really tired. Well, he was, but that wasn’t it. He was depressed. Again.

If Ichigo Kurosaki could be the god of tacos, then Sosuke Aizen should be able to be the god of anything he wanted! Right?

He sighed and disappeared, reappearing moments later back in his throne room. He flopped down into his chair and sighed.

“Ginothy? Ginothy Steven Ichimaru?” he called out in a pathetic voice.

But seconds passed and nobody came in, the echoes of his voice were the only thing he heard waiting for Ginothy Steven Ichimaru, his most loyal servant.

Wonderweiss paused outside the throneroom as he heard a sad melody sung softly through the doors of the throneroom. He cracked the door open to see Aizen sitting -no, not sitting- laying with his feet up in the air and his back against the seat of his throne. He wasn’t sure he recognized the tune, but he was sure the words were as follows:

_ “Oh, Chair, it’s only you who understands _

_ What it’s like to be a man _

_ Who only lives for power, _

_ Oh Chair, you’re always there,  _

_ when a godly man needs some glory _

_ When all the guts and things a-gory _

_ Seem to fail,” _

And here his voice crescendoed with a strong, crooning vibrato:

_ “Oh Chair! You are the one! The one I love, _

_ The one I dream of.  _

_ You alone know me like you do. _

_ Oh Chair, you're in my heart, you're in my mind, you’re in my hair… _

_ Chair, Oh Chair, I love you.” _

With that, Wonderweiss slowly, quietly closed the door, and swore never to speak of this.

But he wasn’t the only one who listened to the harmonious voice of Aizen. There was a silver-haired guy hiding in the shadows with a phone in his right hand recording all that is happening in this room. The only thing that could be clearly seen was his luscious hair and a big grin on his face. After securing that everything he was recording was saved, he disappeared and left no trace behind.

  
  


**ModSquad - 2**

SilverFoxxx

Ulquiorra Cifer

**Princesa-1**

Orihime Cifer

** _Etc._ **

**SilverFoxxx today at 20:45**

Hey, I’m just letting you all know that the valentines’ event will be with the soul society.

.

Btw check out this snippet I found. 

<Chair.mp3>

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	13. Chocolate Class

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Miss Loly's PFP:

“GINOTHY STEVEN!” The voice boomed and echoed through the corridors of Las Noches. Aizen was not pleased.

The man that lurked in the shadows silently appeared in the room. He had a grin on his face and with his right hand he had the smartphone he used for the recording. “Did something happen, Captain Aizen?” Gin asked in a sarcastic tone.

“You! You traitor!” Aizen shrieked, sounding like a hysterical housewife. “How could you do this to me!? To invade my privacy?! I trusted you!”

  
  


With the same grin he had before, Ginothy tilted his head in confusion and asked the angry housewife, “What do you mean? I live here, Aizen…” When he pronounced the name he extended the last syllable in a way that showed he was the one dominating the situation.

Aizen huffed and puffed and crossed his arms over his chest as he paced in front of Gin. “I know you live here. I provide this lovely home for all of us to live here like a family. All I ask for is my dignity!” he said, sounding like he was on the precipice of weeping. “But  _ you _ ,” and here he turned on Ginothy, narrowing his eyes and leaning his body forward like a cobra ready to strike. “You exposed me to the others. Now they know my weakness. I’ve killed men for less.”

  
  


“Ohhh, you are talking about  _ that _ ? It was just a 5 seconds snippet, I can release the full song if you want to.” Gin walked towards Aizen, balancing his body left to right and vice versa. When he got close to him, he inclined his heads towards his master’s ear and whispered “Or, if you don’t want to do that, you will need to listen to me,  _ Captain Aizen. _ ”

Aizen regarded Gin with suspicion. “I’m listening…”

“As I said in the group, we will have the Shinigami here for Valentine's Day. We will also include the humans who are friends with Ichigo Kurosaki.” Gin walked backwards and while smiling he said, “That’s all.”

Aizen spun around to show his back to the snake. “Fine!” he pouted, but inside he was grinning.  _ All according to my keikaku… _ he thought to himself. “Make a list. I don’t want the ugly Shinigami coming, though.”

“Who is the ugly Shinigami?”

“The dog one, the one who wears sunglasses and a punch perm, and the lieutenant of the second division.”

  
  


“Okay, you don’t have to worry about the dog one though, he passed away when he fought against the Quincies. But I’ll make the list, don’t worry.” Gin walked away from Aizen and in the middle of the room he said “If you'll excuse me now,” before disappearing with the use of sonido.

Aizen let that inner grin out. “Perfect,” he purred, then hopped over to his throne room and opened his laptop.

**Lord - 1**

Daddy Aizen

**ModSquad - 2**

SilverFoxxx

Tosen

Ulquiorra Cifer

**Princesa-1**

Orihime Cifer

Etc.

**Daddy Aizen ** today at 13:33

Guess what, guys? We’re having a family reunion.

**EdgyBastard5** today at 13:33

I have no family to reunite with.

So haha, you losers.

**Ulquiorra Cifer** today at 13:33

Sucks to be you, isn’t that right, @Wife?

**Orihime Cifer** today at 13:34

Yeah, totally sucks, LMAO.

**Zommari** today at 13:34

OOF must be hard when even the princess makes fun of you, Nnoi.

**Orihime Cifer** today at 13:34

I’m not making fun. Okay, maybe I am. But you have it coming, Nnoitra. You have to admit that.

**EdgyBastard5** today at 13:34

Can’t expect a  _ thot _ to understand the gladness I have by not having relationships. 

<shrug_men>

_ EdgyBastard5 has been kicked  _

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 13:34

There, that’s better. Nice to clear out the trash from the chat. So, you were saying, Wife?

**Orihime Cifer** today at 13:34

Um, I said it already.

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:34

LMAO, the cockroach didn’t even last 5 minutes today. v(￣∇￣)

**Szayel** today at 13:35

Serves him right for being so predictable, but really, isn’t that an abuse of power, Cuarta?

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 13:35

I am not abusive. If anyone is abusive it is him. How can anyone call my sweet Orihime a th--- I can’t even write it.

**Lilynette** today at 13:35

Ahhhh… Being married is so nice, can’t wait until @starrk marries the woman.

**Starrk** today at 13:35

Huh? I just woke up, so...

Wait… are you implying I’d marry Orihime? Lily, she’s already married. Sorry Ulq, didn’t mean to step on any toes.

**Lilynette** today at 13:35

Baaaaka, I mean the girl with purple hair we have been talking about, u boomer.

**Starrk** today at 13:35

Lil? Honey? The purple haired lady is the cat lady. We’ve been talking about Miss Arisawa and she has black hair. Try to keep it straight. That cat lady scares me.

**Lilynette** today at 13:35

Fuck, that’s true.

Well marry hime-chan’s friend soon.

**Starrk** today at 13:35 

She has to agree, first, Lil. Besides, I’m not even sure I want to. We just met...

**Lilynette** today at 13:35

u3u booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I want a wedding that doesn’t involve death matches and love triangles.

**Sun-Sung** today at 13:36

Lily, dear, you are too much of a child to understand how love works.

We have to see first how they do on Valentine's day.

**Mila Rose** today at 13:36

I bet no one will surpass what we are planning. 

All of you will see the greatness of Tier-sama.

**Appaci ** today at 13:36

Dumb ass, is a secret, stfu and delete the message.

**Orihime CIfer** today at 13:36

Oh, by the way, if anyone wants to learn about Valentine’s day from me they can DM me, or I am going to do some practice after Barragan comes back from the World of the Living with my supplies. Anyone who’d like to is free to join. Except you, Ulquiorra. It’s a surprise for you.

**SilverFoxxx** today at 13:36

I’ll join, princess.

**NellyBelly** today at 13:36

Does itsyugo like chocolate?

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:36

Count me in.

  
  
**Tierna** today at 13:37

Can I join?

**Orihime Cifer** today at 13:37

Yes, you can all join. I’ll send out a message when I have the supplies. And yes, Nel, Ichigo loves chocolate, it’s his favorite. Right @BankaiBro?

**BankaiBro ** today at 13:37

I’m not sure how this works. And do I need to keep this dumb name? And yes, love chocolate.

**NellyBelly** today at 13:37

ITSYUGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Hime count me in.

_ *hugs itsyugo* _

**BankaiBro ** today at 13:37

Um… thanks? Who is in charge here?

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 13:37

I’m a mod. I rank above you, my wife ranks above you, and Aizen ranks above you. How does that make you feel?

**BankaiBro ** today at 13:37

Uh, kind of indifferent?

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:37

KEK poor ulqy chan. {*≧∀≦}

**BankaiBro ** today at 13:37

I mean, I don’t mind that Orihime ranks higher, though it’s a little weird.

**Orihime Cifer** today at 13:38

Aww, thanks Ichigo.

**Aaroniero ** today at 13:38

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh hoo hoo hoo! 

**Lilynette** today at 13:38

Shut up u bald boomer.

Hi substitute shinigami, how is it going?

**BankaiBro ** today at 13:38

It’s alright, I guess. Pesche showed up earlier today and gave me a Hueco Mundo compatible smartphone and I was already logged into Discord. I guess he set up my account? If anyone wants tacos tonight, we’re having a two for one special at the truck. Bring proof of age and you can enjoy a nice margarita. Dordoni is trying something out, Chad says.

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 13:38

Keep advertising to the announcements channel in the future. I’ll let this one slide.

**Orihime Cifer ** today at 13:38

Aw, sweetie, thank you. <3

**Lilynette** today at 13:38

Nice, I’ll make starrk buy me one.

And how is your friend?

The one with black and short hair.

**BankaiBro ** today at 13:38

Which one? I’m Japanese. I have a lot of friends with short black hair.

**Lilynette** today at 13:38

Damn you are a playboy, I’m not going to let you steal her.

Tho.

**BankaiBro ** today at 13:38

Um, I’m sorry, I think you misunderstand. I’m no playboy, Lilynette. Does the word friend not mean the same thing here as it does in the world of the living? 

Anyway it’s a woman? Then you must mean Tatsuki. IDK how she is she always acts like a bitch to me.

**NellyBelly** today at 13:38

She must be confused, you have a lot of friends but I’m your only girlfriend itsyugooo! ≧ω≦

**Lilynette** today at 13:38

Don’t call her that, you human boi.

**Orihime Cifer ** today at 13:38

Yeah! Don’t call her that

**BankaiBro ** today at 13:39

Ladies, ladies, chill out! I didn’t call her that. I said she _acts_ like that. She is constantly trying to bust my balls. It’s exhausting. I miss you being at home, Hime. She was more distracted when you were there.

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 13:39

Well, too bad. Don’t get any ideas about having her back. She’s mine.

**BankaiBro ** today at 13:39

Okay, dude.

**Lilynette** today at 13:39

Dw, she will come here soon. 

**BankaiBro ** today at 13:39

Is she going to stay? Can I leave when she gets here?

**NellyBelly** today at 13:39

No

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:39

No.

**BankaiBro ** today at 13:39

Why not?

**NellyBelly** today at 13:39

Bc u r mine <3<3<3<3<3

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:39

Uhmmm, unfinished business. (*^.^*)

**BankaiBro ** today at 13:39

Ugh. well hurry it up. I gotta go for now. These tacos aren’t going to make themselves. 

**NellyBelly** today at 13:39

Don’t ignore me, itsyugo!

_ BankaiBro has disconnected _

_ NellyBelly has disconnected _

**SilverFoxxx** today at 13:40

So, I’m putting together a list of Shinigami to invite for Vday. Anyone have any requests?

**Orihime Cifer** today at 13:40

OOH! OOH! Rukia and Matsumoto plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I LOVE THEM

**Tierna** today at 13:40

Invite Captain Htsugaya too.

**SilverFoxxx** today at 13:40

Consider it done. Any other requests?

**Ggio ** today at 13:40

Have a thing for little guys, huh? ;D

**Tierna** today at 13:40

It’s…..

Not like that. 

Ggio, it’s bc I owe him smth.

**Ggio ** today at 13:40

It’s okay. I trust you.

**Tierna** today at 13:40

Thank you.

**Choose your nickname ** today at 13:41

Hello! Ggio! I am back. I have found Miss Barbara! I need you to come set her up with an Alexa.

**Ggio ** today at 13:41

A what?

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 13:41

I would bet my last clean pair of pants that he means a discord account.

**SilverFoxxx** today at 13:41

Why don’t you have more clean pants?

**Ulquiorra Cifer ** today at 13:41

Uh, no comment.

**Grimm-chan** today at 13:41

Hime-chan has been having fun lately. {*≧∀≦}

**Lilynette** today at 13:41

Wasn’t Siri the one who helped him?

This boomer confusing shit, smh my head.

**Ggio ** today at 13:41

Ok, Boomer, I’ll be right over.

**Zoomari** today at 13:41

Can someone explain who the fuck is Barbara tho?

**Choose your nickname ** today at 13:41

Barbara is my one true love. I married her on the beach at sunset at a private resort in Cabo. She speaks a lot of languages. She used to be a travel agent. She is quite lovely. Anyone who tries to take her from me will die a painful death.

_ Ggio has disconnected _

**Choose your nickname ** today at 13:42

Oh, Orihime-chan, I have your supplies. I’ll send Ggio to your place with them.

***

Orihime scanned the crowd and then looked to her assistant, Miss Barbara. She smiled awkwardly. “So, um, Miss Barbara, don’t worry. I know some of them look frightening but they are all mostly nice--”

“Oh, don’t worry dear,” the ancient woman in a mumu replied. “They all look just lovely to me,” she warbled, pushing thick spectacles up the bridge of her wart-covered nose.

Orihime’s eyes widened and she nodded, looking back toward the people assembled before her in the Las Noches kitchen. “Well, welcome, everyone. Before I begin, does anyone have any questions?”

Nelliel raised her hand not even a second after the question was asked, seeing that she was the first she coughed and shouted the question “Is Itsyugo going to like it? I need to beat Pantera.” 

Grimmjow, who was behind her, just did a small “tch” and continued to ignore her.

Orihime laughed nervously. “It really depends how well you do it. The secret to great chocolate is not only how much love you put into it, but how hot you let it get and how much you stir it. You can do fancy additions or whatever, and I’ve linked some recipes into the tea-connoisseurs channel, but today we’ll focus on the basics.”

“Understood, Hime-sensei.” Nell put her hand to her forehead the way soldiers do and started to get ready. She focused her eyes on Orihime, rolling up her sleeves and waiting patiently for the words of her new teacher.

Orihime and Barbara demonstrated the basic technique and then walked around giving pointers while the class tried out their newly learned skills. It wasn’t until it was time to put the chocolate molds into the coolers that there was more confusion.

“What do you mean I have to wait until tomorrow to finish?! I have inspiration on how I want to decorate this now!” Menoly whined.

“Sorry, you’ll wreck it if you try to decorate now,” Orihime answered.

Menoly shrugged her shoulders and replied “I suppose it’s okay if they are done before Valentine's day.”

Orihime nodded. “You can all come back tomorrow to decorate. You can work on your designs on paper tonight. Any other questions?”

Since most of them left without answering, Tier approached her. “Hime-san... thanks for teaching me today. I’m sure... he will... enjoy them.. since you are the one teaching me.”

Orihime grinned at her friend. “I’m sure he will enjoy them because  _ you _ are the one making them for him. Humans have an expression: “It’s the thought that counts”. It is your feelings that are more important than the product, Tier-san,” she said cheerfully.

Hallibel blushed slightly and tried to answer what Orihime said. “Thanks, but I’m not good at cooking, so he wouldn’t like what I would make on my own.” After that she bowed and waited for her response.

“He would~” she said in a sing-song tone. “Trust me. But he’ll like it even better this way, so I’m glad you came. Do you have any ideas for your design?”

“Uhm… I wanted to try a tiger related thing, but I don’t know how to do it.” Tier mumbled while her face was turning into crimson red.

“Oooh, cool! It’s probably easier to do it in a cute way than a realistic way, so maybe look up cute tigers? It’s just an idea.”

“I’ll... do it... Can I talk to you about it in private messages?”

“Of course!”

“Thank you.” The former queen said in a low voice, before leaving the kitchen.

“Thank you everyone for coming, it was wonderful to meet you!” Miss Barbara yodeled to an empty room.

***

“Your room is a disaster, Grimmjow,” Aizen said with a deep frown.

“Ugh, I don’t clean it to make me more relatable, it's a Twitch thing. You either have a super cute background, or a mess of it, no in-betweens,” Grimmjow replied.

Aizen nodded and hummed. “I think cute is more me, don’t you?” With that, Aizen closed his eyes and, using pesquisa, said, “Orihime? Tier? Loly? Could you all come to Grimmjow’s room, please? Make sure you wear something cute. The more skin, the better. Oh, and bring those pink heart sheets you’ve been saving, Loly.”

Aizen opened his eyes and grinned at Grimmjow. “There. When they get here I’ll have a cute background.”

“WHY ARE YOU EVEN GOING TO STREAM IN MY ROOM?” the feline screamed at his master. “Go and use yours.”

Aizen rolled his eyes. “Need I remind you, Grimmjow, that every room in Las Noches is my room. Besides, you have all the equipment in here. It’s a pain to have to move it around, I’m sure.”

“Buy it from amazon, duhhhh” Grimmjow told Aizen. He then finished typing some things and exclaimed, “Here is your twitch account, “The Kings Throne”. You can’t do sexually explicit things, show nudity, or say something offensive.”

“Whatever. So, once we start, what do I do?”

“Talk to them, maybe play some games, or react to videos when you are feeling tired of the other two. I said on Insta and Twitter that I’m going to be on your channel, so you will have a lot of viewers from the start. Is t'your job to maintain them,” Grimmjow explained, then moved the mouse and did a circular movement with it. “Here every person who donates or subs to you will appear. You have to give them a shout out or something like, “oh thanks for the sub Annithedepressedgamer”. Also there will be messages so you have to read them.”

“Uh huh, okay,” Aizen replied in an unimpressed manner. Then there was a knock at the door. “Oh, those must be the girls, let them in, Grimmjow,” Aizen said lazily.

“The door is open!” Grimmjow screamed at the ladies at the other side of the wall.

The door flew open. “Lord Aizen! What is the meaning of this!? Why have you summoned my wife in such a manner?”

“Chill out, number four,” Aizen said, sounding rather like Luke Wilson. “It’s just for the viewers. I need a cute backdrop. Your wifer is a cute little backdrop if ever I saw one.”

“Just to be clear, I’m not involved with anything related to your wife and the other girls.” Grimmjow declared with his hands in the air before going back to the pc to make things go perfectly.

Ulquiorra growled and glowered at the other two as they set things up, and took a position behind the monitor to watch. A few moments later, the three women arrived, all in shorts and a t-shirt that said “Las Noches Spirit”. Loly’s was tied up high under her bust and had the sleeves cut out.

“We’re here,” Orihime said, making eye contact with Ulquiorra briefly.

“Wonderful. Hang up that sheet behind me and then arrange yourselves around me and Grimmjow in an aesthetically pleasing pose.”

“As you say, Aizen-sama!” Loly was the first to start obeying the order Aizen gave them. Tier silently followed behind her covering her chest with her right arm.

“Please, Halibel, you’re adequately covered,” Ulquiorra grumbled. He had been pleased that his wife had chosen to wear something that didn’t seem too attention-seeking but still complied with Aizen’s request. He saw no reason for additional modesty.

“I’m sorry... Ulquiorra, but wearing this in a room full of men is too embarrassing,” Tier answered with a low tone of voice and her head facing down while she was following the order. 

He rolled his green eyes. “You will displease Lord Aizen.”

Tier turned her head and asked Aizen “Is this displeasing you? Aizen-sama.”

“Yes. I didn’t invite you here to be embarrassed. I invited you here to be decoration. Just pretend to be a sexy statue over there,” he said, waving a hand dismissively.

“........ I’m sorry Mister Aizen, I’ll stop doing it now.” Tier moved her arm down and went for a pose that revealed more of her skin, her chest was high, her legs were tight and all of her curves were visible. “I hope Ggio doesn’t see me,” she mumbled to herself.

“He’d love it. You should push your tits together, like this,” Loly said, leaning her non-existent chest towards Aizen’s head.

“Back off, Loly,” Aizen grumbled. “In fact, Hime-chan, you come over and sit by me, you are a lot cuter.”

“Um, okay,” Orihime said after making eye contact with Ulquiorra, who just shrugged.

“Oof, that must hurt,” Grimmjow mumbled.

Loly huffed and walked to the back near Tier, whispering, “Can you believe this bullshit?”

“Uhmm, yeah.” Hallibel answered dismissively since she was still embarrassed by Loly hearing what she said. 

“Okay, can we start now? Daddy’s losing his patience,” Aizen said.

“Yeah, I already put the chill music so we can wait to appear when more audience arrives. Leave the start to me.” Grimmjow answered.

“Okay,” Aizen answered reluctantly. “Say, ladies, you’re all making me chocolate for Valentine’s Day, right? And none of that obligation chocolate either, okay?”

“Uhmmm, I’ll try.” The tall woman said.

“Of course I’m going to do it, Aizen-sama, I don’t love anyone but you,” Loly said, thirsting over her master.

“And you, little princess?” He asked Orihime.

“Certainly,” Orihime replied, once again making a “help me” face to Ulquiorra, who again shrugged. 

“Okay, we have already 500 viewers, more than I expected to be honest. At the count of 3 I’m gonna start. 3, 2 1,” Pantera turned on the microphone and the camera, he put his knees close to his chest, and continued with a higher pitch that before, “Hi everyone, Pantera here, I’m going to be for the entire stream but the main focus of attention should be Aizen-sama, who wants to learn how to do it. Please everyone say hi to him and the ladies behind us.” He then put his hands together and smiled for the camera. 

“Hello viewers,” Aizen purred. “How are you?”

Dozens of replies started to appear on the screen, messages like “Oh that girl is cute” and "Why is everyone ignoring the emo dude in the background” and “Pantera I love you” were common, but most messages were salutes to everyone on appearing on scream.

“Okay, now what?” Aizen asked.

“Talk to them you silly master, it's the intro and you need fan interaction.”

“Hi people. I want to play a game. We’ve got a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde. Kiss, marry, kill? I’ll give you a minute to answer. Girls, give them your best smile.”

Aizen rambled on about how great he was for a minute then said, “Time’s up! What’s your answer?”

Different replies were all over the chat, “I would marry the loli”, “I want to be stepped on by the tall woman doing a scary face”. One particular answer made by totallynotulquiorra said, “Marry Orihime, idc about the others”. But most answers were inclined to kiss/marry the redhead and the blonde women.

Loly sneered at the responses. “I don’t care what these nobodies say. I’m going to marry Aizen.”

The comment made by Loly railed up the stream chat, and a lot of people attacked her, calling her a child, saying that she has no chance, or saying that Aizen-sama was theirs.

“Now now now, just because Loly’s delusional doesn’t mean we have to be cruel. I mean, you can be, but how about we be a bit more balanced, hmm? Grimmjow, let’s play that shooting game.”

“Call of Duty or Counter Strike? CoD is more popular at the moment so you can gain more passing viewers.”

“Why ask stupid questions? Of course we’ll do the more successful option.”

“I don’t know, people prefer CSGO sometimes.” Grimmjow opened the game and explained how this goes. “Okay, you move with wasd and shoot with the mouse. But more importantly, now on the camera in in the top left corner, and you can see the chat in the third monitor. Don’t forget to talk to them because they are my great fans.”

“Now they’re my great fans. Fans, do you ever wonder if there is something more in life? Feel lost? Adrift? Does your life lack meaning and purpose?” he began like some kind of cult leader. “Well, if so, your purposeless life is over. Come, join me and my ranks of the mostly dead as soldiers of Hueco Mundo and be part of something bigger than yourself; part of my family; part of me. Together, we can support my rise to Soul King. Your sacrifices will not be in vain,” he continued passionately. “To join, please send a message to Pantera and he’ll get your information to my intake department.

Sexta laughed awkwardly before thinking how to fix it. “Ah,” he mumbled, he then put himself in the center of the shot and told the public, “Aizen-sama is too much of a weeb, so ignore the weirdness, he is just trying to tell everyone to subscribe to his channel. You can do it paying only 5 bucks a month or if you have Amazon Prime you can link it and get a free subscription. To everyone who does it, I’ll send them a kiss, because he really wants to continue streaming.” Grimmjow winked at the audience and prayed for that excuse to work.

Fortunately it worked, and the subs started to come, Grimmjow said the names of the people who subbed or gifted subs and sent a kiss to the camera for them. He then hit Aizen’s torso with his elbow and whispered “start thanking them too.” 

“Thanks. Girls, blow the people kisses. I will too. Bless you, babies,” Aizen said with a wink and blew a kiss to the camera.


	14. Valentine's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Ichigo, a.k.a BankaiBro's, PFP:

“Time’s up! Everyone report to the park under the dome. Have your presents ready. I’ll be situated in the middle on my throne near the taco truck. Please be orderly. That is all, sweeties,” Aizen’s mellifluous voice said over a loudspeaker. The out-of-town guests wouldn’t be able to hear Pesquisa.

Menoly had been waiting by the doors for the dome to open. When it did, she took a spot where she could see everyone coming in. She didn’t want to miss her chance.

Loly was one of the first entering the cornucopia. She spent the entire night doing her makeup, hair and choosing a dress, so she was ready to go and get the heart of the owner of hers. She ran to the center and looked for the throne.

Alas, she was too short to spot it right away. Menoly saw her fist. “Um… Loly, we’ve known each other for a long time, and you are my closest friend. So now that we’re having Valentine’s day, I’d like to present you with my h--”

“Did you spot Aizen-sama? I can’t find him. For a reason the people of Hueco Mundo are too tall.” Loly interrupted the message of her friend while jumping around to find him. 

Menoly’s face fell. “He’s somewhere in the middle, but as I was trying to say, I’d like to present you with my hear--”

“Oh shit, the emo boy is here already, we need to see what bullshit happens to him now.” Once again Menoly was interrupted, but this time Loly grabbed the hand of her companion and ran towards a bush close to the fourth espada.

Menoly blushed and crouched down beside Loly, who was craning her neck to listen to the married couple. “This is for you, I made it because--”

“I love you Ulquiorra, happy Valentine’s day!” Orihime said with a wide grin, passing him a box.

“I am infinitely fond of you as well, Wife. Thank you,” he responded, looking at the box with caution.

“Fuck, this was more boring than I expected.” Loly said after hitting the bush they were concealed by, “I’m sorry Menoly, you tried to say something” the woman with pigtails asked her blonde partner in crime.

“Here,” Menoly said, her face defeated as she shoved a heart-shaped box into Loly’s hands.

“Oh, thank you. You are always a great companion, I was too busy with my look to make chocolates for Aizen-sama.” Loly grabbed the box and put it inside her bag.

Menoly sighed, rolling her eyes. “Aizen said he was near the taco truck; that might be easier to find,” she said, leading the way through the crowd. She had spotted said truck and was about to point it out when Loly pulled her in another direction.

This time they stopped in the branches of a tree, accompanied by the birds living close to them. They were over the the first espada, Starrk, and the human, Tatsuki. Lillynette was nowhere to be seen, so it was the perfect moment for this couple to connect. “Menoly take your phone out, this is the perfect opportunity for some drama,” Loly whispered close to Menoly’s ear. 

The blonde did as directed and waited.

“Tatsuki-san?” Starrk asked, rolling over onto his side on a blanket and yawning. “Thanks for the chocolate. I’ll have some but please have some too and share with Lily. It was very kind,” he said, dipping his fingers inside and putting a piece of the sweet into his mouth. He hummed in appreciation and closed his eyes, instantly rolling back onto his back and appearing to fall asleep.

“It was nothing, dude… Starrk-san, you saved me at Hime’s wedding.” Tatsuki replied before grabbing a chocolate for herself and tasting how the final results were. She was a bit nervous since she never has done it before, but after tasting them, she realized how good Orihime’s recipe was and relaxed. “Who is Lily?” She asked curiously. 

“You know, my soul daughter? The one you’ve been hanging out with the last few days?” he mumbled. “I gotta tell ya, Tatsuki, having you here has been a blessing. You’re independent, you are social, you keep Lily out of my hair sometimes so I can get some decent rest, you’re easy on the eyes, and you don’t snuggle too hard. I wouldn’t mind making this a permanent thing, if you’re interested.”

“Right, my bad. Lily is a good girl,” after that Tatsuki remained quiet while chewing the chocolate and moved her face away while her cheeks were bright pink. 

Luckily for her, the only response she received was a loud snore. She wouldn’t have to answer him until sometime after his nap.

Tatsuki sighed and lifted her face to look for Lily, but it was too crowded to find someone as small as her. When she was about to stand up, someone fell right from the tree, and yelled “Can I have chocolate since the boomer is asleep?” Lilynette who was now sitting in the blanket was grabbing her head in pain.

Menoly shut her phone off. “I think that’s enough, should we keep moving?” she asked her love interest.

“Perfect, I see Ggio, that sneaky bastard must have something big.” Loly jumped with sonido from the tree and went to another place to hide.

Menoly followed afterward, not bothering to put her phone away. It was a good idea, too, because they managed to arrive just as Ggio was reciting a poem to Hallibel.

“Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. A million and one Gillians died to make you, and I promise as long as you’ll have me, to your heart I’ll be true,” he said with a smirk and bowed, being applauded by Tier’s fracciones.

Hallibel let out a small chuckle, she covered her smile with her slender hands, her eyes were closed and her cheeks brightened, “thank you, Ggio” she said calmly, after that she went looking in her purse and took out a small, heart shaped box. “Uhm… for being such a good friend to me these past two months or so… I… made you some chocolate. It's not very good, so you don’t have to eat it.”

“I’ll be the judge of that, my sweet,” Ggio replied, still feeling roguish. He opened the box and gasped. “These are absolutely beautiful! Am I really supposed to eat it? But of course, such beautiful hands would craft such a delicacy,” he said, placing a chocolate into his mouth. 

He closed his eyes.

He moaned  _ obscenely _ .

His eyes opened and he blushed at Tier. “I think you ought to try this before you speak poorly of it,” he said, leaving the box on his spot and crawling across the blanket to Tier.

Tier’s light pink cheeks turned into a crimson red, and her gaze went to the right and without looking at her partner’s. She answered “I suppose I’ll try them later.”

Because she had looked away, she was not aware of how close Ggio had come. He raised a hand to the side of her face and gently directed it back to his. He looked at her with unguarded affection as he shook his head, although his eyes had a hungry glint to them. “I think you should try them right now,” he murmured, closing the distance between them and catching her lips between his, letting the flavor of the chocolate he had just eaten coat the inner surface.

Tier was hypnotized by the kiss for a few seconds, letting her heart beat rise and her eyes close while she enjoyed the experience of kissing someone she liked. But before Ggio could gently leave her lips, she realized what just happened, back down, covered her face with her right hand and said, “uhm, they taste good.” 

Ggio chuckled and slung an arm over her shoulder, so they could face her facciones, and started to chat to take the pressure off of Tier. Once she seemed to have relaxed a bit, he leaned into her ear a bit and whispered, “Happy Valentine’s day, Tier. Want to be my girlfriend?”

Her heart was pounding, her body was shaken and her face was burning. She thought they were only good friends, but apparently Ggio loves her? Confusion was running all over her brain, she backed up a bit, and tried to answer something, but mumbles were the only thing that came out of her mouth.

Ggio smiled at her gently. “You can answer whenever you’re ready. I can wait forever,” he said quietly. “Let’s have fun today!” he said, keeping the cheer going. He had known her long enough now to have expected this kind of reaction from her. He thought it was cute, despite mild disappointment.

“That was so cute, holy shit, I want to vomit” Loly said to Menoly, they were hiding behind a bench to watch the romance between Ggio and the third espada, but now that they were moving too fast for her taste, she looked for another couple to spy.

Menoly could only agree. She followed the brunette until both of them spotted the taco truck. “It must be around here!" Menoly shouted, but then pulled Loly out of the way quickly as Barragan barreled through the area where they had been standing.

“BARBARA! MY DEAR BARBARA! WHERE ARE YOU!?” He bellowed, before continuing on his quest.

“Fucking hell, Boomer, fuck off and look to the people in front of you!” Loly screamed in anger.

Menoly, still having a grasp on Loly’s arm, pulled her to the Taco Truck. “Come on, listen! They’re at it again!” Menoly hissed, caught up in the glee of all the gossip fodder they were capturing. She saw Ichigo trying desperately to fill a tortilla while Nel clung to his side and Grimmjow argued with her.

“Itsyugo took my chocolate, it means he is mine, dumb kitty” Nel said with her cheeks inflated and directed a mocking look at Grimmjow.

“You can’t have him, he is min--” Grimmjow covered his mouth before ending the phrase and then corrected himself “He is my opponent, he can’t be distracted with bs like love.”

“Guys, guys, there is plenty of fight and tacos to go around! Chill out! I will try your chocolate when I have a break, Nel!”

“Try it no---” Before Nel could finish the sentence she was scared by an angry Dordoni shouting “¡Niña, vayase por favor, está arruinando mi negocio!” Nelliel jumped out of the truck and pushed Grimmjow with her.

“You guys! I know you both love Ichigo very much. We all do. But we have a business to run, here! We’re closing before the dance, so come back then!” Chad scolded the obnoxious pair of arrancar in an uncharacteristic move.

“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t because of how Nel treats Ichigo,” Grimmjow dropped a small “tch”, and left the place.

“But after this we have to go on a date, is in the rules, Itsyugo,” Nelliel replied to the workers of the taco truck.

Before anyone could respond, Orihime breezed through like she didn’t have a care in the world, carrying a bag. She pulled out a small box with each person’s name on it. “And here’s one for you, Grimmjow, and you, Nel, and you, Sado-kun, and you, Dordoni-san, and…” here she blushed a bit, “here’s one for you, Kurosaki-kun,” she said after handing out her obligation chocolate to everyone.

“Um, thanks, Inoue,” Ichigo said with a blush after Chad gave her a thumbs-up.

“Thanks,” Grimmjow received the chocolate from Orihime, Nel, on the other hand, before she could say anything, had 5 chocolates inside her mouth, so she just nodded in the direction of the princess.

“Muchas Gracias,” Dordoni said before bowing to her.

“De nada,” Orihime said with a huge grin. “I hope you like them! Let me see, I only have Yammy and Aizen-sama left,” she said to herself, tapping on her lower lip. “Do you see them anywhere?” 

“I don’t know about Yammy, gatita, but Aizen is on his throne angrily waiting for unos chocolates,” Dordoni pointed where Aizen was and continued with his business.”

Ichigo’s eyes snapped to his boss’s. “YOU SPEAK ENGLISH!?”

Orihime found her way to Aizen’s throne and gave him his chocolate, which he thanked her for petulantly. He hadn’t received any from anyone else. “Orihime, I know you’re a married woman, but you’re the only one who has given me anything so if it should come down to it, I’m going to go over your husband’s head and take you on a date. That’s if no one else gets to me before the deadline. I hope you understand,” he said in a mopey voice.

Orihime grimaced and looked around. Ulquiorra had been complaining to her in private about how Aizen overstepped his boundaries with them all the time. He would not be pleased if this happened the way Aizen said. Then, she saw _her_; the answer to her prayers. “Momo! Momo, come look who it is!” Orihime cried out to the petite shinigami.

Momo smiled back and came running towards them, “Hi Orihime,” she bowed to her and immediately stopped paying attention to her, “Captain Aizen, I have been looking for you all day.”

Aizen’s sad face slowly rose into a devilish grin. “Momo-chan, how long has it been?” he purred.

“Around four years, Captain Aizen,” Momo blushed and from her uniform she took a small bag with chocolates. Momo extended her hands and said “These are for you, Captain Aizen.”

Just then, Menoly and Loly broke through the crowd. “Oh, shit,” Menoly swore as she saw Aizen swoop that little shinigami into his lap.

“Aiiiiiizen-saaaaaaaaama,” Loly shouted while running towards the direction of Aizen, she was confident that he would chose her over that dumb shinigami so she ran with her arms open, eyes closed and fantizising about an Aizen waiting her like a prince.

“Loly, watch out!” her friend shouted, but it was too late. Yammy had knocked over a lamp post to get to Orihime and collect his obligation chocolate, and Loly tripped over it, sailing right past Aizen’s chair and into a prickly rose bush behind him. Nevermind the fact that Menoly could have warned her much sooner, but deep down, she didn’t want Loly giving away the chocolate she had made.

The bell started sounding and the time for chocolates was over. Now all the couples who received chocolate had to get together and come to Tosen's stand to get the location of their date. Tossen appeared on the right side of Aizen and gave him a list with all of the couples that would go on a date today, Aizen grabbed it and used the pesquisa to announce them, “Ulquiorra and Orihime, Ggio and Hallibel, Mila Rosa and Appaci, Barbara and Nnoitra, Grimmjow, Nelliel and Ichigo, Tatsuki and Starrk, Aizen and Momo, Gin and Rangiku, Menoly and Loly, and the ones I missed, go to Tossen’s stand to learn where you will pass your lovely evening.”

Orihime sighed in relief as she returned to her husband, but her happiness didn’t last long. She looked down at the box of chocolate she had made for him to see that he had not even opened it yet. “What the hell, Ulquiorra? I made this for you and you won’t even try it?” 

Whoa, she seemed sensitive. “I just want to save it until after our date. You know how, um, sweets make me sleepy,” he replied, totally pulling the excuse out of his ass.

Orihime crossed her arms over her chest and threw her chin up. "So where are we supposed to go for this “date” anyway?” she asked in a snotty voice.

“I do not know. I’ll ask Tosen,” Ulquiorra replied, tuning into Pesquisa and asking.

“Ulquiorra-san, it is up to luck. Come here and you will get the date location,” Tosen answered instantly.

“I’ll be back. Have a seat and relax, Woman,” he said, walking over to Tosen. 

He ran into Grimmjow on the way. “What is this all about? I don’t recall this date activity being discussed at the briefing,” he said.

“I don’t know dude, was one of the changes added when we included shinigamis. Ask Aizen if you care.” Grimmjow shrugged his shoulders and continued walking.

“You’re in a foul mood, Sexta,” Ulquiorra commented as they made their way to Tosen’s podium.

“Dude, I have a weird ass triple date and Aizen has been bothering me everyday with the Twitch shit.”

“That? He’s still doing that? I told Orihime to refuse him if he asks her to be a prop next time”

“Yeah, he finally left my room though, so I can sleep again.” Grimmjow yawned.

They got into line and waited as Yammy stomped away, yelling, “I don’t want no date with Zommari! He’s such a poindexter!”

“Better get a date next time, big man,” Grimmjow sarcastically answered. 

Coming from behind the guys, Zommari appeared with his arms crossed and complained, “It is not like I want to be with you too Yammy, you eat too much.”

“You talk too much,” Yammy complained back, pushing the other Espada along.

When all couples arrived there, Tosen explained how it would be decided, “Every person will grab a paper from this box that will have an ideal location for a date, according to Sarah Peterson from Buzzfeed. When you get one you go there and enjoy the evening until 9.” Tosen coughed after no noise was made when he finished speaking and asked “Understood?”

Aizen grunted and stuck his hand in the box, pulling out a piece of paper and unfolding it without reading it. “This paper say’s Grimmjow’s room, doing a livestream. Let’s go, Momo,” he said with a smile before leading her away.

“There is no such location, Aizen-sama. Please go where the paper really says.” Tossen scolded his boss.

Aizen used flash step and got out of there before Tosen could pick up the piece of paper he dropped.

The blind man sighed and said “Well, next one, but if you disobey you will suffer bigger consequences than Aizen-sama.” The next couple was Zommari and Yammy, they got a piece of paper and celebrated when they saw that it said Arcade. Then it was the turn of Ulquiorra and Orihime.

“What location did you get? Ulquiorra.”

“It says, Cat Cafe. What is the meaning of this?”

“It's a cafe, where cats go around and you can play with them. Something else?” Tosen replied with his monotone voice.

“Please,” he said, putting his hand back into the box, only to get pushed aside by Wonderweiss, who pulled out some paper and held it to Lillynette.

“YES! Laser tag!” Lillynette cheered, turning with the mute boy and running out of the room.

“I would prefer laser tag,” Ulquiorra said to Tosen.

“Better luck next year.”

Ulquiorra tsked and returned to his bride, whose mood was greatly improved.

“Your turn, Grimmjow,” Ichigo said.

“I know, be right back,” Grimmjow approached the table, put his hand in the box and took the piece of paper to read out loud, “follow cupid?? What does that even mean?”

“Oh I see you got the special paper. Ishida, come here!” Tosen said, and Uryu came wearing a diaper, fake wings and holding his Quincy’s bow.

Ishida groaned. “This is so degrading. Follow me, you’re in for a special valentine’s treat,” he said unenthusiastically.”

Nelliel jumped onto Ichigo’s back and said “Isn’t it nice, Itsyugo? We get a special date because we are a special couple. Now follow the Quincy.”

“You know I come with you two too,” Grimmjow said angrily with his fist already in the air.

“Oh right, dumb kitty.” 

“Come on, you two, be nice,” Ichigo complained, shrugging Nel off of his back. “Can you please walk on your own, Nel? You’re too big to carry around in this form.”

“You don’t like when I press them against your back?” Nell asked while looking at her breasts.

Ichigo blushed, but cringed. “It’s heavy, Nel, was his only response as he stared at her huge boobs.

“Ichigo!” A familiar voice shouted.

“Rukia?!” Ichigo shouted back as he looked around for his long lost friend.

“Right here, dimwit,” She replied, slapping him across the back of the head. “Is Inoue around?”

Ichigo rubbed the injured spot and said, “Yeah, she’s going to a cat cafe with—“

Rukia’s eyes had lit up at the mention of a cat cafe and she was gone in a flash.

Ichigo rubbed his eyes and said, “So where are we going, Ishida?”

“Just follow me,” he said, taking off after Rukia. “Tonight you three will witness the miracle of love and romance,” he announced in a bored voice.

“Next in line,” Tosen said after cupid and the trio went away.

Next was Ggio and Tier. “Ladies’ choice,” Ggio said, standing aside.

“Thank you,” Tier stepped forward and grabbed one location, when she opened the paper she read to Ggio “The amusement park,” Hallibel looked confused and asked his partner “what’s that?”

Ggio shrugged. “I don’t know. Let’s find out.” 

“Okay,” the third espada said before grabbing Ggio and using sonido to leave the park.

“Come on, people, this magical date isn’t going to start itself,” Ishida said, pointing his arrow at Grimmjow. “First stop, the hall of losers, Menoly and Loly’s sad coffee shop date,” he said, bursting through the open garganta that would be up all night for these dates.

“Why are we going the-” Grimmjow was asking before Nelliel grabbed him and Ichigo by their arms and jumped through the garganta screaming with excitement, “Let’s gooo!!”” 

The group arrived outside of a coffee shop in Karakura town and went inside. “Now, remember, nobody here can see you three, so behave. I have to buy the coffee for those two because no one can see them, either. You sit at a nearby table and try to blend in, and let me know if anything romantic goes on,” Ishida said.

“Are you going to buy us coffee too? Ury… Cupid-san,” Nell asked meanwhile the other 2 of the group were searching for a free table.

“Even better!” Ishida said, pointing to a stack of clear plastic cups near a water dispenser. “I bought you guys all the water you can drink! Go ahead and get glasses for everyone.”

Nelliel’s expression of happiness dropped, her brows, eyes and mouth flattened and her arms were balancing like they were dead weight, “Uhh, so our surprise date only includes water.”

“Yeah, you’re going to need it, too,” Ishida said as he walked to the register. “This date is going to be action-packed. You’ll need to be hydrated.”

“I see…” Nelliel sighed and served herself some water to then sit besides Ichigo. “Itsyugoo, I’m bored,” the green haired woman rested her head on her partner’s shoulder and waited for him to do something interesting while taking small sips of the fresh water. 

“Wow, free water?” Ichigo said in an unimpressed tone as he shrugged Nelliel’s head off of his shoulder and focused on Grimmjow. “Why do we care about some lame date between those two?” he asked, pointing at Loly and Menoly.

“I don’t fucking know, entertainment? Being honest, I don’t even know why I am here? I didn’t give you chocolate.” Grimmjow answered while checking his nails.

“Yeah, I guess Orihime’s chocolate counts and we got added to the dating pool that way,” he replied before stretching his arms out over his head. “This is boring. I’d much rather draw swords against you, Grimmjow,” he growled, looking at the blue-haired Espada through the corner of his glowing amber eyes.

“Dumb ass,” Grimmjow replied while parting his blue eyes away from Ichigo's. He drank some water and used the cup to hide his bright pink cheeks, forgetting that the cups were transparent.

Nelliel hit Ichigo in the stomach and said “I gave you the chocolates, you have to be nice to me, Itsyugo, not good.”

Ichigo winced and grabbed his stomach, then inhaled sharply. That hurt! “Damn it, Nel! Sorry! I forgot, Orihime gave me hers right after you.”

The former third espada grabbed Ichigo’s head and put it close to her chest, “This is your punishment, Itsyugo, now stay here,” the woman brushed the orange hair of his and while looking at Grimmjow, sticking her tongue out in mocking fashion.

Ishida returned to the table at that time and scoffed. “Really, Kurosaki? You’re just going to fall into the closest pair of tits available? Classy,” he snarked, and then picked up a glass of water.

“Are you not supposed to help those 2 girls with the coffee, Quincy?” Grimmjow growled in anger.

“No, not really. Let’s just observe,” he muttered.

“Loly, please listen to me, Aizen would never sleep with that little shinigami. She’s so small and mousy and not beautiful and strong like you.”

“But Aizen-sama doesn’t like cows, so he must like girls way under his age. I bet that bitch is going to try something dirty with him.” Loly rested her head in the palm of her hand.

“Even if she does, so what? It’s not like she’s going to stay in Las Noches. Those shinigami are all going back home at the end of the night. Now come on, try a chocolate. I made these for  _ you _ , Loly,” Menoly said, looking at her with significance.

“Ughhh, I can’t stand the idea of Aizen-sama going on a date with someone who isn’t me,” Loly’s elbow slid across the table, leaving her chin resting on the wood. With her hand she took a chocolate and put it in her mouth, and a few seconds after swallowing it she said “It tastes good, thank you.”

Menoly blushed at the compliment and said, “I know how you feel. I can’t stand the idea of you going on a date with someone who isn’t me.”

“Eh, what do you mean?” Loly lifted her head and looked at her companion directly to the eyes.

Menoly stared at her for a long moment before leaning in to kiss her. It was just a tiny peck on the lips. “I mean I love you.”

Loly backed down; her face was red and she was taken by surprise. She tried to look away from Menoly, but every time she tried, her eyes were redirected to the lips of who just kissed hers. Stuttering, she answered “WAIT, wait, wait, wait, wait a bit, Menoly, I like you, but I didn’t knew you liked me this way, is kinda weird thinking about it, you know?”

Menoly cringed hard and spoke through a fake grin with clenched teeth. “Uh huh. I just wanted to tell you, it being Valentine’s day and all…” she trailed off.

“Well, that escalated quickly,” Ishida said, standing up and aiming his arrow at Nel. “Time to release Kurosaki. Our next stop is laser tag.”

“Why was laser tag an option? Are we twelve?” Grimmjow mocked the Quincy dressed as cupid.

“Shut up, Grimm; laser tag is awesome and you’ve never even played. I’m going to kick your ass,” Ichigo said, taking a step closer with every word until he was nose to nose with him.

“So you think you can beat me, you bastard? I’ll destroy you,” Grimmjow pushed his forehead against Kurosaki’s and looked him directly into the eyes. A few seconds of tension passed between those two looking at each other, but all was interrupted by Nelliel who pushed the faces of the both of them with her hands and with a confident grin and eyes closed, she said “both of you are going to lose against me, kitty and Itsyugo.” 

Both the males scoffed, and Ishida scoffed louder. “Nope, that’s it, we’ve screwed around too long here. No laser tag. We’re moving on to the cat cafe.”

Nel jumped to Ishida and hugged his legs, tears running all over herself, and said “Noooooo, please I want to play laser tag with Itsyugo and the kitty boy,” She stayed there looking at him with her big teary eyes.

“Nope, let’s go,” he said, leading the way using hirenkyaku as the others followed along with flash step and sonido until they arrived at a pastel colored building. Immediately, the Quincy started sneezing.

“I fucking hate this,” he muttered to himself before opening the door.

“I hate you,” Nelliel replied, still angry about not going to the laser tags.

Once they entered, they could feel Ulquiorra’s strong spiritual pressure filling the cafe. Obviously the fourth espada was displeased by something. The group turned a corner to see him seated at a table, with a tabby using the horn on his helmet as a scratching post and a calico curled around the back of his neck like a mink stole. On his lap was a huge black persian cat that was leaving its long black hair all over his uniform. Orihime was aahing and oohing about all of them, completely entranced by the perfect image of cuteness, until she felt her friends’ spiritual pressure. 

“Oh! Ishida-kun! Kurosaki-kun! Grimm-chan! Nel! Come and join us! Doesn’t Ulquiorra look adorable?!?”

“He, I see that I’m not the one having the worst time,” Grimmjow chuckled, after seeing the disaster that was happening around Ulquiorra.

Green eyes slid towards Grimmjow’s and Ulquiorra snarled. “I thought you were supposed to have an affinity towards these beasts, Pantera. Would you mind instructing them to leave my person?”

“Yeah, is really easy to do that, but you will have to ask it nicely, murciélago.”

Ulquiorra rolled his eyes. “Pretty pretty please with sugar on top?” he said in a monotone way.

Grimmjow looked at him confused for a few seconds and then said “You just needed to say please, dude.” 

“It must be the cuteness of the decor that is rubbing off on him,” Orihime said with a huge smile as she looked around. The place was decorated like it was a cupcake kingdom.

Ichigo and Nelliel chuckled at what the princess said. Grimmjow got close to Ulquiorra and with one movement of hand, all the cats around the fourth espada dispersed, “you’re welcome.”

Ulquiorra shivered. “Thank you. Now if you wouldn’t mind accompanying my Wife while I go wash the filth off of my hands from coming into contact with those creatures, I would appreciate it. I extend this invitation to you only, Sexta,” he said with a warning glance to the other three.

“As you say” Grimmjow shrugged his shoulders.

Ulquiorra waited until Grimmjow took his seat to begin looking for the bathroom, and while he did, the complaints started. “How come I can’t sit there?” Ichigo whined first.

Ulquiorra slowly moved his eyes to the shinigami. “Are you serious? Are you kidding me? Mr. Five Lifetimes of Love wants to know why I don’t want him sitting next to my wife?”

“No need to worry, little bat, Itsyugo is faithful to me,” Nelliel hanged her arms over Ichigo’s neck and pressed her chest towards him, “right, Itsyugo?” She asked with her mouth close to his ear.

Ulquiorra’s brows raised at the display and he almost laughed. He might have before Ishida said, “And what is so offensive about me?”

“You’re wearing a diaper,” was the only reply before Ulquiorra spotted the bathroom and left.

“I suppose it's you and me, Hime,” Grimmjow said, taking a sip of the water cup he had.

“Oh, then since you’re my new date, why don’t you try a bite of my parfait?” Orihime teased, but still held out a spoon full of ice cream and syrup and cookie bits on it towards him.

Grimmjow moved his head closer to the spoon and covered the spoon with his mouth to eat the sweet, he then leaned back and said “tastes good, I wish I took the cat cafe paper.”

Ichigo, Ishida, and Nel’s eyes widened with open, disgusted mouths. “Ewwww…” Ichigo complained.

“Indirect kiss!” Nel stammered, “Ulquiorra is gonna be so mad!”

“Maybe we should go…” Ishida said quietly.

“What are you even talking about? I just ate a bit of what she gave me.” Grimmjow said, without understanding the situation.

He followed Ichigo’s eyes after he heard the man whine. He was staring at Orihime’s mouth as she pulled the spoon out of her mouth very, very slowly. It looked obscene. “See?” the shinigami squeaked.

“What?” Orihime asked innocently, a bit of ice cream still pooled on her lower lip.

“... I’m still clueless about what you are talking about,” Grimmjow answered, looking at the trio of disgusted people.

“What are you talking about?” Ulquiorra’s deep voice was soft behind them.

“Oh, Orihime just kissed Grimmjow,” Nel replied flippantly, looking at her nails.

Ulquiorra’s finger raised toward the Arrancar seated beside Orihime as he began charging a cero.

“Wait!!! I didn’t kiss her, calm down,” Grimmjow shouted, putting his hands in the air and the palms facing the angry husband.

Ulquiorra’s cero remained crackling in a static ball at the tip of his finger, causing cats to hiss and scatter around the cafe. “Explain yourself, Trash.”

“Dude, I have no fucking clue but we didn’t kiss, right Orihime?” The blue haired man looked at the girl eating, asking for mercy.

Orihime shook her head, looking at Ulquiorra innocently. “No, I gave him a bite of my ice cream and Nel and Ichigo thought about perverted things.”

Ulquiorra’s hand lowered and he turned toward Nel, narrowing his eyes in disapproval, then turned his attention to Ichigo. “Perverted thoughts about my wife? Do I need to kill you  _ again _ ?”

Ichigo was an idiot. He laughed. “Yeah, we all know how well that turned out for you last time.”

“You’re fucking dead,” Ulquiorra growled.

“It’s time to go!” Ishida said with a nervous grin, grabbing Ichigo and basically warping out of the cafe, letting Grimmjow and Nel fend for themselves.

“Well, it was nice to see you, Hime-chan,” Nelliel nervously spoke while walking backwards until opening a garganta and leaving Grimmjow alone, the feline didn’t take too much time to realize that he was alone and jumped with Nelliel.

“Bye bye!” Orihime called after them.

When the pair of Arrancars caught up with Ichigo and Uryu, they were panting on the outskirts of an amusement park. “He didn’t follow you, did he?” Ichigo asked.

“Of course not, he has better things to do than chasing after you, dumbass,” Grimmjow replied to Ichigo putting his face close to his, “what was your plan? Fight Him?”

“No, I didn’t have a plan,” Ichigo admitted.

“I’ll fucking kill you one day.” Grimmjow threatened Ichigo, grabbing his shirt by the collar and lifting him a few centimeters.

“Whoa, cool it, Action,” Ichigo said, his breath ghosting over Grimmjow’s face. “You’ll get your chance,” he said softly, as the tips of his ears turned red.

Grimmjow’s face brightened pink in shame, he weakened his grip and let the shinigami go. “Why you have to make everything so erotic? Fuck you,” Pantera shouted at him, and covered the red of his face with the white of his outfit.

“I do not!” Ichigo denied loudly. “Why are we here, Ishida?”

“Tier Hallibel and Ggio Vega are having their turn at romance here. Let’s go watch,” he said, leading the way into the park.

“Look there,” he said, pointing his arrow at Ggio, who was passing a huge thing of cotton candy to the tall woman. “Pure romance.”

“Itsyugoo, I want one too,” Nell grabbed Ichigo’s sleeve and looked at him with her cheeks inflated.

“Go get one, then, I don’t care,” Ichigo said, scowling at her.

“But you are my date, Itsyugo.”

“I dunno how it is where you’re from, lady, but where I’m from, the older one pays. You’re way older than me. Besides, this isn’t a real date and I don’t get paid in real money. I get paid in tacos.”

Nelliel’s eyes brightened as tears came out of them, she hugged Ichigo putting her head in his chest and cried “why are you so mean, Itsyugo? You give Grimmjow what he wants but don’t do it to me.”

“What do I give him, Nel? Please tell me.”

“Love.” 

Ichigo groaned and stomped in the direction Ggio and Tier were walking. “I’m getting on that thing. If you want to sit with me, you can,” he relented to Nel’s demands as he approached the Ferris Wheel.

“I love you, Ichigo,” Nell jumped overwhelmed in emotion, she hugged the shinigami’s arm and gave him a kiss in the cheeks.

As it turned out, the Ferris Wheel was full except for one car, which Ishida, dressed as cupid, appeared to take alone. His face was almost purple, he was so embarrassed. “I hope you people appreciate this!” he whined as the three invisible people stepped into the car.

“Thank you so much, Uryu-chan,” Nelliel answered without even looking at the ridiculous looking men. Grimmjow sighed while sitting close to Ishida. “Why am I here?” He mumbled to himself, looking at the other cars.

“I ask myself that question everytime I see any of you,” Uryu grumbled, chin lodged in his palm as he looked outside the care with baleful eyes.

“Hey, guys… Listen,” Ichigo suggested, looking at the car ahead of them.

Inside, Ggio was sidling up beside Tier. “So… About my question before, I just want to say again that I don’t need your answer right away. I enjoy all of my time with you, Tier.”

Tier gazed away from Vega, looking at the sunset behind them. “I also enjoy my time with you, Ggio,” she replied, leaning her body closer to him despite the lack of eye contact. 

He smiled and draped an arm over her shoulder. “Good. Please, I know you are a quiet person, but if you ever have any thoughts on your mind or in your heart that you want to tell me, do not hesitate. I am here for you,” he said.

In the car behind, Ishida snickered. “He’s laying it on a little thick, don’t you think?”

“As long as he gets the job done,” Grimmjow said to Ishida, “the dude seems to have everything under control so let’s keep watching,” the arrancar yawned and extended his arms, waiting for something interesting to happen with the couple. 

“Ggio… I don’t know if I should tell you this, because I’m not actually sure if it’s true or not,” Hallibel cheeped. The blonde woman turned towards him, making the distance between their faces only a few inches, her breath was heavy and her chest was about to explode, but with all the clarity of the world she asked “are you sure you want to hear it?” 

“Yes, tell me anything; everything,” he breathed.

“I think I love you, Ggio Vega,” Tier declared her love to him, her head was feeling light, her heart was pounding and she was shaking, but she remained there, looking directly into his eyes.

His eyes dropped to her lips for a moment and returned to her eyes. “I love you, too, Tier Hallibel,” he said, letting his forehead touch hers, breathing her breath. If she wanted to do more, she would have to initiate it. He didn’t want to ruin this for her.

Tier waited a few seconds for Ggio’s kiss to come with her eyes closed but it didn’t come, so she took the initiative and pressed her lips against his and kissed him. She retrieved her head afterwards and asked him “Are we lovers now?”

“I would like that. Do you agree?”

“Yes, I do.”

With that, Ggio swung a leg over her lap, cupped her face with both hands, and returned the kiss she had given him with enthusiasm.

In the car behind them, Ichigo was rolling his eyes. “I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. They’re not even doing anything interesting. How can they just talk about nothing and then make out?”

Ishida rolled his eyes. “I knew this evening of “observing the miracle of romance” would be completely lost on you.”

“Itsyugo, let’s do the same, you’ll understand it then,” Nell suggested it to Ichigo and lifted her chin, closed her eyes and pressed her lips waiting for him.

Ichigo pulled back. “Let’s uh, not rush things, Nel,” he said, putting his hands on her shoulders and pushing back.

“Can we go already, Ishida?” Grimmjow interrupted the scene, impatient to leave this place.

“Yeah, let’s go. I’m ready to be done. You guys don’t care if we skip everyone else, right?”

“No,” the 3 of them answered Ishida’s question at the same time.

He sighed. “Fine, who do you want to see next?”

“Who else is left?” Grimmjow asked.

“Uhh, you can pick Yammy and Zommari, Tatsuki and Starrk, or the three Fracciones.”

“Let’s go for Starrk, I’m curious.” Nell answered.

“Okay… where are they…” Ishida opened up his phone to check. “Okay, apparently they went to a romantic dinner at a place called “The Rose Garden”, which is neither a garden nor does it serve roses. It’s a fancy French restaurant so behave,” he said, opening the door of the Ferris Wheel car midair and stepping out. “Follow me.”

Nell, grabbed both men’s arms and followed Ishida’s directions. “Let’s go!” the arrancar yelled in excitement, leaving the touchy couple in front of them behind. 

When they arrived, they were greeted with soft pop ballads and the sounds of silverware clinking on fine china. “They’re over there,” Ishida whispered, sneaking among the shadows, trying not to be seen in his ridiculous costume.

“Why are you hiding Uryu-chan?” She asked with her tilted to the side.

“Because I’m nearly nude! This is not appropriate clothing for this establishment. If I am seen, I’ll get kicked out,” he hissed.

“There is no way you can make yourself invisible? Quincies are kinda trash,” Grimmjow said.

“Screw you,” he replied, stopping and hiding behind a long drapery near the couple. “Now, I’ll stay here until you are ready to go home. Behave,” he warned.

Ichigo snickered and stood shoulder to shoulder with Grimmjow, then murmured, “I never thought Tatsuki would be into older guys. I guess you never know about people.”

“I thought Starrk was into Tier, but I was clearly wrong about it.” The blue haired man replied, leaning his shoulder against the shinigami’s.

They were quiet after that and were able to see Starrk nod off from time to time. He was really struggling to stay awake in this quiet, dim, intimate atmosphere.

“Starrk!” Tatsuki said just loud enough to get his attention. “Hurry and finish up. This food is good but this place is boring,” she said before shoving a juicy piece of beef into her mouth.

“Right, I’ll finish as soon as possible,” Starrk answered, but the speed he was eating the food didn’t go up a bit. 

Tatsuki sighed. “So, I was thinking about what you said at the chocolate thing. I wouldn’t mind staying in Hueco Mundo for a while to see how it goes,” she said as she chewed on her food.

“We’ll be glad to have you as company in the first tower, but Lily can get a bit noisy at times, hope you don’t mind that,” Starrk smiled and took a sip of his wine after that.

“No worries, I’m pretty noisy sometimes too,” she said, burping softly and then taking another huge bite of food. “I’m not exactly ladylike.”

Starrk chuckled after hearing the burp and answered, “you will be a perfect match for Hueco Mundo then,” Starrk continued eating his steak.

“So…” Tatsuki began, unsure of the nature of their new arrangement. “What do you think? Are we friends? Roommates? Something else? You don’t seem very invested in any particular scenario.”

“Is up to you to decide that, I enjoy going with the flow of things. Pressuring for any of the options would make things feel unnatural between us.”

“Okay, but hypothetically, if I wanted to, would you want to have sex?” she asked, just putting it out there.

“As long as you want to, of course.”

“Hee hee! Tatsuki is gonna get some,” Ichigo said, laughing in an immature way.

Grimmjow turned his eyes to Ichigo and asked him “Are you twelve?”

“Twenty, but close. How old are you? A thousand?”

“Maybe, I do not keep count of time. I’m old enough to beat the shit out of you, though.”

“In your dreams,” Ichigo purred into his ear.

“Stop being like that, idiot,” Grimmjow stepped away from Ichigo in embarrassament.

“Like what?” Ichigo retorted, scowling at Grimmjow.

“It doesn’t matter anymore, I wanna go,” Sexta ignored his feeling towards Ichigo and went looking for the Quincy hiding in the shadows.

Ichigo turned to Nel and elbowed her arm. “Do you have any idea what he’s talking about?”

Nelliel shrugged her shoulders and replied “nope, he has been weird lately, Itsyugo.”

He raised his brows and shrugged. “I guess we’re done here.”

“Ishida!!! Where are you??” Grimmjow kept shouting.

“Here!” he whisper-shouted.

“Dude, I can’t see you, you better bring your Quincy ass here before I destroy the entire restaurant with a cero.” The man with blue hair shouted angrily, searching under the tables for the Quincy, but having zero success at it.

Ishida emerged from behind the curtain, struggling as he tried to free his fake wings that had gotten stuck in the drapery, cursing and huffing as quietly as he could. “I’m right here!”

Grimmjow, seeing how pathetic Uryu looked at the moment, fell to the floor and bursted out loud, laughing his ass off.

“Jerk,” Uryu muttered once he was free.

“I’m sorry,” Grimmjow squeaked in the middle of the laughter, after a few more seconds he stood up and whipped the tears from his eyes, “oh fuck that was gold, what a shame the other 2 missed it.”

“We’re right here,” Ichigo said. “Let’s go.”

“Good timing. I just got a message from Tosen that there is one more encounter to see, but it’s in Hueco Mundo. Let’s get back through that Garganta!”

“As you say cupid,” Grimmjow opened a garganta and was the first to pass, “if you stay too much time there someone will see you, Uryu,” he shouted without looking back at them.

**Author's Note:**

> Until the next one, thanks for reading!


End file.
